Big Fish Recap 5/14/09 - Mr. Fantastic

Well, the league’s highest ranked offense took to the fields Friday night looking to remain unbeaten in pursuit of destiny. “Captain Tucci wanted to see more fight out of the team since we have not really been tested in our first 5 games” Mikey Lemieux said after the game. Well, The Cobra Kai’s got just what the Captain wanted and they had to show that fight to pull out this barn burner.

In what could be described as the wildest game this Cobra Kai team has ever seen was truly their first test to see if this team could face adversity and either wilt under the pressure or come out stronger than before. “You could really see a difference in the team tonight, in the past we might have folded under that type of pressure, but Elliott refused to let that happen and we held our ground and bonded together and fought back to pull it out” DonJuan was quoted after the game in which he increased his league leading OBP to .977 after a couple of Huge Jacks carrying the bottom of the order.

The middle innings of this game featured a flurry of back-and-forth rallies after the Kai’s jumped out to an early 7-1 lead when the game looked to be headed to another Mercy rule. In our first five games the team has been an absolute machine posting 6 runs to start the game off 4 out of 5 games and batting straight through the order each time. Mad Dog owned the Green Bar hitters the first few innings and our defense stifled them to the point of frustration. The frustration boiled over when Mad Dog caught his 2nd player of the night for a huge K and he got tossed out for tossing his bat in frustration. The Kai’s smelt blood once again but I think we didn’t want to go for the kill so quickly and let them back into the game. That is when the Green Bar hitters took over and started pelting the Left field fence and put together their own hit brigade to tie up the game.

The Big E our own Swami was his usual beast abusing the Right Fielder and coming through in clutch situations time after time. The team has come to rely on this from him each h game. “ For me it is all about getting that W, I do whatever it takes for the team as long as we pull out the Win, I’m happy” Big E said after the game.

Roundhouse Reger was back in the lineup and provided some power in the bottom of the order and some crafty base running which helped the team post 4 runs in the middle 3 innings. “The bottom part of the batting order really carried our team tonight, and we needed it more than ever to survive this hard fought game” Capt Tucci said at the post game conference.

However, the defining moment of the night and quite possibly our teams history came in the bottom of the 13th inning when the team was in the midst of a back and forth battle draining the collective will and energy levels of both team in the grueling heat. This is when the Kai’s needed a spark and they turned to Mr. Fantastic of the night the Mighty Kokotoff.

Koko, stepped to the plate with the Kai’s clinging to a 1 run lead but knowing full well Green Bar’s heart of their order was coming up in the bottom of the 13h and the team was going to be forced into playing a man down. Well, Koko stepped up and swung at the 1-2 pitch and blasted it over the Left Field fence and sent the Red Bug lake crowd into a harried frenzy and sucked the life right out of our opponent’s hearts. Mr. Fantastic has been described as Possessing a mastery of mechanical engineering, chemistry, all levels of physics, and human and alien biology, and is considered to be the most intelligent human being which one could argue does belie Koko. However, his ability to transform into our Power Hitter in clutch situations truly was the only superpower the Kai’s needed from Koko on this night. “We hadn’t seen the Green Bar yet, so I didn’t know what underwear to put on before the game as I was not sure in what capacity, the team would need me the most. Once I saw those powder blue underoos though I knew my Mr. Fantastic’s were the way to go and I’m certainly glad it played out that way for the team” Team Superhero Koko said after the game.
Koko’s Homerun sparked the Kai to victory as we went out in the bottom of the 13th and shut down the Green Bar and take home our 6th straight win to remain undefeated. "I think it just shows the character of this team, we will never give up and are much more mentally strong as a team and just goes to show you , that you should never, Ever, Underestimate the Heart of a Champion” Johnny Blaze said after the game.

Well, The Kai’s survived with another victory and unleashed with a fury of emotions on Gators Bar shattering our own team record of 76 pitchers later that night.

The Kai’s are back in action this Friday Night Under the Lights……..See You Then.

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Big Fish Recap 5/6/09 - Birthday Boy

This Birthday Boy Certainly Celebrated in Style.


The Cobra Kai entered Friday Nights game against the Gators Black sox fired up and ready to remain on their quest for not only a championship but a perfect season. Capt. Tucci had the troops fired up pre-game and actually made a last second move delaying Greiveldingers call up to Milwaukee so he could partake in the team’s quest.


“Capt. told me this is a special season, and not everyone is going to make it back and this might be the last chance for this team to accomplish our god given quest for perfection, and for crimeny sakes I ain’t going to miss out on that” Greiveldinger told the press after the game.



In the Red Bug lake league the Black sox are usually our friendly rival game and have proven to be worthy adversaries throughout the years. However, that did not prove to be the case Friday night as this Cobra Kai team has something special about it and is on a quest that we are determined not to be derailed by the Black sox or anybody. There was just something in the air and you can just feel it every time this team comes together…..This is a truly special team.



Mad Dog set the pace from the get go as he was pitching a gem of a game in his attempt to obtain his league leading 5th win and possibly first shutout. The Defense was spectacular behind him putting the clamps down on the Black sox bats and fielding with a vengeance right out of the gates. The Outfield set the pace not letting anything get by them lead by the Swami and Capt Tucci they shut down the Sox batters more often than Rich services himself. “Before the game I got so excited I had to adjourn to the bathroom to service myself to calm me down so I could concentrate” Doc Gutierrez told a now not so stunned group of reporters. “I just know it is going to be a good game by how quickly I finish myself off….and let me tell you this was a record finish” Doc said.



Well, the Kai’s were certainly on point hitting the ball as well. Right from the start the Kai’s batted through the order and posted 6 runs to start the game and that set the pace for the night. “When we came up to the plate we were in such a rhythm that it felt like our opponents didn’t have a shot at stopping us…..it almost felt like we were playing a team that is already dead, not Weekend at Bernie’s dead but Weekend at Bernie’s 2 Dead” Koko said after the game.”



The Swami/ the Grand Master him self’s effects have rippled through this team and turned the team into not only championship contenders but a team on a mission for perfection. The Swami once again abused the Right Fielder and scorched 3 hits his way leading the RF’er to cry for mercy. The Swami’s right hand man Sprague’s also had a solid night going 3-3 with 2 Sacrifice Fly’s.


But the biggest play of the night came as a result of the Swami’s tutelage on our young (well not as young as he celebrated his birthday on Cinco de Mayo) Shortstop Johnny Blaze. Johnny came through with a shot not soon to be forgotten by the Red Bug Lake faithful. Blaze stepped up to the plate in the bottom of the 5th with 2 runners on and that’s when the moment happened that changed the Kai’s forever. Johnny Blaze ripped a “Wax Off” crater shot to Left Center field that cleared the fences and erupted the Red Bug Lake Crowd. Two weeks after Capt. Tucci shot Johnny Blaze went deep to effectively put the game out of reach for the Black Sox. “I was just trying to place it over the SS head but I got down on the ball and next thing I knew it cleared the fences” Johnny Blaze said after the game. “We’ve played the Cobra Kai over 10 times and for some reason this is a totally different team that just annihilated us and looks primed and ready. I mean every single guy in their lineup was hitting the titties out of the ball right from the get go” Black Jack McCallum of the Black Sox said after the game.


It was a great performance all around by a team on a quest. Every single player contributed in a huge way as the Cobra Kai remained undefeated and Mercy ruled another team on their quest for THE Perfect Season in an 18-3 route at Red Bug Lake.


The Team certainly celebrated in style as they kept their hot streak going even at Gators putting down a team record 67 pitchers in celebratory style.



The Kai’s look to keep their perfect record in tact when they take on the Green Bar this Friday night at 7:30. See You under the Friday Night Lights!

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Star Trek

Whether you are a fan or not, just about everyone is familiar with the famous Star Trek tag line, “To boldly go where no one has gone before.” With this newest installment, Star Trek has gone where no film in the franchise has gone before . . . a summer blockbuster.

Although extremely popular, the Star Trek catalogue of films has always been somewhat “owned” by its die-hard fans. Unlike the Star Wars trilogies, Star Trek films have never crossed over to the mainstream in the same way Lucas’ space opera managed to achieve. And that’s the way trekkies, or trekkers as they prefer to be called, like it. Trek fans always held the notion that their sci-fi plots and characters were much deeper in story, history, and literary prowess than their Jedi-clad rivals. However now, in an ironic twist, Star Trek has appeared to go over to the “dark side” of movie making. Sacrificing heavy character development and script writing for more action-packed, special effects-filled scenes.

J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek is a prequel to the original 1966 weekly television series, telling the tale of how the first crew of the famous USS Enterprise led by James T. Kirk came to be. However, some might actually view this film as a sequel due to a major plot point that will not only open the door for future chapters using the new, younger version of the original characters, but it also dangerously rewrites all canon from the past films and television series. This will probably upset about 99.9% of the hard-core trekkers out there, meanwhile resuscitating new life and recruiting young fans into an all but dead saga.

Even though Star Trek is more action based than its predecessors, that does not mean it’s totally void of good writing and performances as well. Chris Pine (Smokin’ Aces) takes over the big swivel chair on the bridge as Captain James T. Kirk. Pine does a good job of taking that overconfident swagger made famous by William Shatner and wrapping it around a younger, inexperienced and energetic version of the character. And to round out the main Enterprise characters, Zachary Quinto (Heroes) is pitch perfect as the young and arrogant Spock and Karl Urban (Lord of the Rings) steals just about every scene he’s in as the catch phrase spouting Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy. The other usual suspects of the Enterprise crew are included in this film as well, all played very believably. And in the case of Uhura, played by Zoe Saldana (Vantage Point), this film gives fans more attention and background on her than the previous 50 years of Star Trek history combined.

Star Trek is nothing if not fast paced and entertaining. Although the story does have some major plot holes with timelines and technology not fitting into this early point in the characters history; the high-tier special effects, familiar characters, and a decent enough script will make this film a sure-fire hit at the box office. Still, the question does need to be asked; is it worth slighting over 50 years of television series, feature films, and dedicated sci-fi loyalists just to keep the Star Trek franchise alive for future generations?

Knowing the vigor and importance creator Gene Roddenberry had for the future, I believe he would say yes.

Story: 7.0

Acting: 8.0

Writing: 7.5

Captivation: 8.5

Replay Value: 8.5

Total = 7.9

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Big Fish Recap 4/29/09

The Cobra Kai headed into Friday night’s much anticipated matchup against the Contractors with high hopes to remain undefeated and sitting atop of the Red Bug Lake standing all by themselves at 3-0. Mad Dog was trying to become the first Kai pitcher in the history of the team to start the season 3-0 and an ERA under 4.6.

“I told my troops to get after it quickly tonight because we don’t want to give these guys any window of opportunity, and they responded with that No Mercy attitude I was looking for” Capt Tucci said after the game. Well, with their newly revamped lineup the Kai’s jumped out to an early lead and gave Mad Dog plenty of support to work with which is when the Savvy veteran is nearly unbeatable. They jumped out to an early start by Striking first and nearly batting all the way through the order in the first inning and posting 6 runs to start the game.

“I told Capt. Tucci before the game I watched the Yanks-Red Sox 2003 ALCS Game seven game on ESPN Classic this morning and I don’t want to leave anything to chance we need to strike first and put these guys away early” Mike Lemieux told a reporter after the game. Mikey helped set the pace for the offense getting on base 3 times and scoring on all 3 appearances.
The defense was in top shape once again as Johnny Blaze was patrolling the infield and the Cobra Kai turned their first double play of the season off some great heads up fielding by the Wiley shortstop. The Swami had been telling me to keep my eyes on the ball and to remain focused out there and that is just what I did, but of course it was on my own terms” Blaze said after the game after reporters asked him what contributed to his great defensive output. Blaze and Koko were hooking up like drunken sailors all night as Koko added several great snags at First Base to put away the Contractors. “I also had been working with the Swami on some fielding techniques but I think what really did it for me was the fact I wore My Don Mattingly Jock strap tonight” Koko told reporters after the game.

Speaking of the Swami he was the player that set the tempo for the team at the plate Friday night as he was absolutely crushing the ball to Right Field and downright abusing their Right Fielder. Elliot had Fireballs shooting out of his ass Friday as he could have been arrested for battery on the way he treated the Contractors Right Fielder and left him crying for mercy. Elliot’s new nickname should be the Assassin for the way he attacked the ball and drove it to the wall on 3 straight at bats with missile like hits that came screaming right at the Right Field wall each time. “I really felt like the team set the table nicely for The Swami all night and he cleared it faster than Richard slams a beer” Double S said after the game.

The Doctor was back in prime form driving the ball hard and deep and administering his anesthesia behind the plate to put the Contractors out for good. “I just wanted to go deep tonight because I heard JW might be in the bathroom” Doc said after the game to confused reporters once again. And of course DonJuan continued his league leading on base percentage raising it 2 points to .967.

In fitting style the Kai’s newest addition “Spragues” administered the knockout punch in the top of the 5th quite literally and figuratively as he lined a frozen rope down the right field side and caught their first baseman square in the temple knocking him to the ground and putting the Contractors down for the count for good as we ended the game on our third straight mercy rule as we vow to show No Mercy all season in our quest for the Championship.

The Kai celebrated in style at Gators as we broke our previous team record of 48 pitchers in one night and the Doc Gutierrez broke his own beer slamming record walking away with the title for a second straight week.

The Kai look to maintain their perfect record this Friday night against our Gator rivals the Black Sox. They will be without their second baseman Keith as he has a call up assignment with the Brewers in Milwaukee this Friday Night.

Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy!

Big Fish Recap 4/21/09

The Cobra Kai were fresh off an opening day drubbing of Los Servicos and looking to pick up right where they left off this past Friday night under the lights. "I really wanted to get things started tonight and set the pace for our season by getting a second win under our belts….I’m not usually one that can do it two times in a row" Doc Guttierez told a reporter before the game……again the reporter was not sure what he was referencing.

Either way the Cobra Kai were ready to go in pursuit of their first league title as they came ready to play despite missing their power hitting third basemen Roundhouse Reger whom was called to duty to help our minor league affiliates. Mad Dog was ready for this game as he stifled Top Shelf hitters from the get go holding them to 5 hits and 6 runs and he was backed by a solid defensive outing from the Kai’s. Johnny Blaze took command of the defense and made sure we didn’t implode and held strong in support of Mad dog’s solid pitching performance. “Capt Tucci told me before the game Defense wins championships so I told him we will hold our own today….but then I told him I thought the object was to score more runs than the other team so clearly he was wrong but I decided to play solid defense anyways….but it was on my terms” said JohnnyBlaze after a solid defensive outing.

However, the real story of the night was the offensive outburst the Cobra Kai unleashed on the unsuspecting Top Shelf team. When the Kai’s signed the Grand Master Elliot in the offseason to a long term deal they knew they were getting a strong glove and big bat but didn’t realize the veteran presence would help settle down our lineup and turn them into a league juggernaut at the plate. “I stopped looking at personal goals when I signed with the Kai, my only goal is to bring a championship to the team…..and get our Shortstop laid” Said The Swami Elliot after the game. Well he certainly came through on that promise as he unleashed a hard liner down the right field line painting it just like Mr. Miyagi taught him sparking the Kai to our biggest offensive rally of the year.

That hard liner set up Captain Tucci for the hit of the night. The Captain stepped into the plate and fought off a 2-1 count and then blasted a shot to deep Center Field that hit the fence and then bounced over it for a whopping 256 ½ foot Crane Kick right to the Top Shelves cranium setting up an undisputed knockout just a few batters later. Doc Guttirez had been punishing the ball deep all game but after Capt Tucci drove one out it pushed the Outfield back on their toes and Doc lined one right in front of them. “I was eager to score after getting thrown out by Ichabad Crane an inning earlier on a feeble base stealing attempt.

Koko kept pace as he has really perfected his swing and has started punishing the left field line. DonJuan continued his league leading .972 OBP% by jacking a couple more singles and keeping our bats red hot. Lemieux continues to hit the ball very hard as rumors swirl about his pending call up to our Boston Affiliate next season.” Right now, it’s all about winning a championship. I don’t care what the media is saying about Boston I am focused on leading these guys to a ring” Mikey Lemieux said after the game when asked about his potential call-up. Double S also contributed after coming off the DL with an undisclosed illness he was rumored to obtain in a bathroom excursion downtown with JW a few weeks ago.

The Cobra Kai finished off Top Shelve with a second consecutive Mercy Rule to maintain a perfect 2-0 record in pursuit of the Championship.

The Post game celebration was up to par for the performance but the league is not allowed to comment on it this week due to legal restrictions after the team was involved in an altercation that lead to the Police being called and several teammates being questioned.

Well, the Team gets back to work this Friday as we take on the Contractors at 8:30 Under the Friday Night Lights.

Big Fish Recap 4/13/09

Who is that Old Man in the Miami shirt next to Sonny Crockett?

Well, it is a new season one that we have been waiting a long time for. “This is our championship season, one that this team was built for and I am not going to let anything stop us from claiming that prize” said Mikey Lemieux before the opening day home opener for the Cobra Kai got under way.

Capt. Tucci has been preaching to his soldiers how we have to strike first, strike hard with No Mercy on a more consistent basis. Well, that is exactly what we did this past Friday Night against the Los Sparks Ent. To start the season off on a high note. The Kai jumped out to an early 4-0 lead as we started off on the right foot and our bats were rolling juiced with excitement and momentum much like Doctor Guttierez sex drive.

DonJuan made his old ass presence known by finding his way back to the bases springing out of the gate fully recovered from his ankle injury and his Birthday. The Donjuan was celebrating his birthday Friday and nothing was going to get in his way between first base and a victory that night as he belted 2 singles to continue to his league leading .997 OB %.

Mad Dog was in control of the game from the get go from the mound as he was baffling the los Sparks hitters who never faced the crafty veteran before. Johnny Blaze was busy patrolling the infield and sprinkled in a couple of key hits batting in the clean-up spot and belted a deep sacrifice fly that nearly reached the fences.

Roundhouse Reger was back to old form snagging balls at the hot corner and destroying the ball at the plate rounding out a 5 RBI performance and taking part in what could have been the play of the night. Regs recovered from a tough play at third and heaved a line shot towards home where Dr. Guttirez leaped into the air to attempt an inning ending play at the plate but as in life this is a game of inches and Doc came up just a few seconds to late. “When it comes to inches I was not born with the largest inches if you know what I mean but the ladies like the girth, or so I am told” Doc said when asked about the play after the game………clearly he was not on the same page as the reported for that question.

However, the play of the night came about in the bottom of the 6^th when the Servicos were attempting a rally to bring the game back in striking distance. The Grand Master, The Swami of the league Elliot came charging in hard from Center field to make a beautiful diving catch to save what could have been a game changing hit. Elliot then had the wherewithal to get up spin around and gun out the unsuspecting base runner at first base whom was in total shock of the beautiful catch which resulted in a great double play to end the inning, their rally, and essentially any shot they had at a comeback.

Capt. Tucci was stroking the ball at the plate as he has unveiled his new tomahawk swing he must have learned from JW and he crushed the ball twice to deep LF with the chop. Koko picked up right where he left off last season continuing to crush the ball with his new power stroke down the 3^rd base line. My offseason workouts with Gizmodo really helped improve my X-ray vision which helps me find the openings on the left side of the field. Sully found Nemo as he rounded out the hard hitting line-up and made sure the Kai’s put the finishing touches on our first victory of the year in commanding fashion.

The Kai’s are now undefeated for the first time in 16 contests and are on track for our best season yet.

And of course we celebrated in fashion at Gators destroying our league record 72 pitchers. The Junior Kai’s even won the Rock Band karaoke sing off with a great rendition of “Creep” headlined by the Birthday Boy DonJuan to a standing ovation to end the victorious night all around.

Well, we head back to Red Bug Lake this Friday as we look to stay undefeated under the Friday Night Lights!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Hugh Jackman has achieved many accolades since breaking into the mainstream with his first portrayal of the legendary comic book character Wolverine in the first X-Men movie. Since then, Jackman’s face and persona has become the most ubiquitous to a comic book character since the days of Christopher Reeve. X-Men Origins: Wolverine is the forth film in a row that Jackman has successfully brought the animalistic and nearly indestructible hero to life, solidifying his place as an irreplaceable cog in the X-Men franchise.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is a prequel, telling the full story behind the flashbacks Wolverine suffered during the first two X-men film installments. The story takes viewers through Wolverine’s over 100-year lifespan from childhood, civil and world wars, and his participation in a secret government agency where he obtains the very rare metal Adamantium, which is bonded to his entire skeletal structure.

Not only is this film a prequel but it’s a cinema throwback as well. During the early to mid 1990’s, summer brought many big popcorn flicks to the box office. They were all very high on special effects, big action, and even bigger movie stars. What they universally lacked was good editing, story development and great dialogue. X-Men Origins: Wolverine would have fit into that era like super heroes and spandex.

This movie feels like a research paper that you waited to finalize until the night before it was due. There are a lot of good characters and ideas in this film, but the organization and execution obviously suffered in order to get a big-budget film finished and in the can for its summer release date. For instance, a main focal point of this film is the “Weapon X” experiment that gives Wolverine his Adamantium skeleton and claws. This procedure was also a main plot point for Jackman’s character in the first two X-Men films. Due to the very large budget, loyal fans were probably expecting this origin film to really show the intricacies of the fictional science and extreme physical changes that were happening to Wolverine during the procedure. Instead, the scene relies on a lot of computer monitors displaying simulation models to show what’s happening inside Wolverine during the experiment. It’s a bit of a letdown after being exposed to scenes, such as in Spider-Man, that really show the molecular changes going on inside the body.

To round out the film’s flaws, the editing is below average and the story lacks some much-needed transitional material. Also, the character development is extremely weak, especially for viewers who do not follow the comic books.

So why see this movie? Well Jackman turns in another very solid performance as Logan/Wolverine, however he did not have a strong script to work with. Jackman has the essence of this character nailed down as strongly as any other iconic character ever shown on the big screen. However, seeing Wolverine come to life once again was not a performance anyone was concerned about. It was the casting of Liev Schreiber as Wolverine’s arch nemesis, and in this story his brother, Sabretooth that was the most scrutinized and panned decision during the making of this film. No doubt Schreiber is a very talented actor, but many fans were animate that he was far too small and out of shape to take on the role of the physically intimidating and ferocious villain. All of those critics, including myself, have to order a very large bowl of crow after taking in Schreiber’s performance. Schreiber whipped himself into incredible shape and the cinematography, a highpoint of the film, really gave the illusion that he was larger and stronger than any of the other characters.

Another reason to make Hugh Jackman a little bit richer this weekend is if you are even a moderate Wolverine fan, this film is definitely worth seeing. The action sequences are the best Wolverine has been involved with in any of the X-Men films. And some much-anticipated characters that fans were jonesing to see in the first three X-Men chapters finally appear in this story. With the main point of interest being Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) and Gambit (Taylor Kitsch). Getting to finally see these characters in action does fulfill some of the anticipation, however Deadpool was severely underused and Gambit was crowbarred into the story just for some action scenes.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine does succeed at giving novice fans a more in-depth look at Wolverine’s background, and the high impact fight scenes should satisfy the more rabid comic book purist. Well, at least for a day or two.

Story: 6.5
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 6.0
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 7.5

Total = 6.9


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Observe and Report

Many people think Seth Rogan is a one-trick pony with his raunchy style of comedy and pot humor. With the kind of money that one trick has brought into the box office, you would think Rogan would continue to exhaust it until he reached a Will Ferrall-like persona. However, Rogan appears to have some other pitches in his repertoire. He attempted a pseudo dark comedy with Pineapple Express but with Observe and Report, Rogan has gone full-fledged Cable Guy. Don’t worry; it’s in a good way.

Rogan plays Ronnie Barnhardt, a bi-polar mall cop . . . um excuse me, Head of Mall Security, that is trying to capture the attention of the beautiful and vapid makeup counter girl Brandi, played by Anna Faris. Ronnie figures the best way to do this is to capture the flasher that has been terrorizing mall patrons in the parking lot and solidify his hero status. Along his mission though, Ronnie finds out that he may want more out of life than just his mall-world job.

This is a very polarizing film; the writing can be taken as a complete irreverent mess, or poetic genius. I’m leaning more towards the latter, as it appears the writers were trying to achieve a parallel tone with the main character’s medical condition. However for that to work, the actors’ performances must be stellar. This is one of those rare opportunities that really showcase great comedic acting because the dialogue is not very funny at all. There are one or two very good lines that will make you laugh out loud, but for the most part it’s the inflections of voice and subtleness of expressions that make these characters intriguing and funny.

Now aside from the artsy humor, the main vein of the film is a ton of great physical comedy that uses a huge dose of shock treatment to keep the blood pumping. It’s hard to shock today’s audiences, but this film achieves it in several instances, especially the climax. I swear you’ll never see it coming.

As far as the individual performances go, you’ll get the usual contemptuous Rogan but this time you can see the difference between Ronnie Barnhardt and Rogan’s previous characters. Anna Farris’ usual dim-witted blonde routine is more pathetically tragic than bubbly and funny in this film, which I’m sure was the intention. And the secondary characters are all very well rounded with just the right amount of awkwardness to keep the films tempo.

Observe and Report is not the greatest comedy ever, in fact I’m sure it’s not even in the top 100 all time. However it is worth viewing to see Seth Rogan in a skewed and darker performance than usual, plus you get a fight scene with Ray Liotta. Isn’t that worth the price of admission alone?

Story: 6.0
Acting: 8.5
Writing: 8.0
Captivation: 6.5
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 7.1

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Watchmen

“Who watches the Watchmen?” More importantly, who are the Watchmen? Never before has a comic book movie reached this kind of hype featuring characters only revered by its hardcore fan base. The formula for a blockbuster superhero movie is usually concocted with well-known actors playing iconic characters that surpass through different cultural barriers and jolt their popularity beyond the borders of ink and paper from their perspective comic books. With Watchmen, the producers and director are banking on the compelling and intense story from what many consider to be the greatest graphic novel of all time.

It’s 1985, but not the 1985 most of us love and remember. Watchmen’s 1985 looks like a result of Biff stealing Doc Brown’s Delorean time machine, only a hundred times worse. The cold war is stronger than ever between the USA and USSR. President Richard Nixon is on his 5th term. And superheroes have been outlawed. The only deterrent to thermonuclear war is a former Watchman who goes by the name Dr. Manhattan. Due to an accident during a physics experiment, Dr. Jon Osterman is now a being of pure energy, capable of manipulating matter to his will. However as both the US and Soviet’s stockpile of weapons grows, faith wanes even in Dr. Manhattan's ability to save the world.
Although superheroes have been outlawed, another former Watchman named Rorschach plays by his own set of rules. He’s investigating the murder of one of his former Watchman partners, and what he uncovers will affect the entire world.

Even though many people have never heard of the graphic novel Watchmen, which the movie is based on, it does have a strong and loyal fan base. Unlike films such as The Dark Knight, Superman, and Iron Man, the general public has little to no identity with the Watchmen heroes. The excitement and anticipation levels to see a familiar character come to life are strongly diminished due to the fact that this film is the first time a large percentage of the audience will be exposed to them. Fortunately for Watchmen, it does not rely on the nostalgia of Saturday morning cartoons, lunchboxes, toys or video games. Watchmen’s source material is more than enough to elevate it to one of the greatest comic book movies ever made.

The Watchmen comic book is more commonly referred to as a graphic novel. The film takes the word “graphic” very seriously. The characters may still be running around in costumes, but for most of them, that’s where the similarities with the more revered superheroes end. This skewed reality of 1985 does not have any room for sympathetic heroes. Enter Rorschach.

Watchmen does a phenomenal job giving depth and development to a large cast of characters, but if you had to pick one to be the center of the story, Rorschach would be it. If it were fictionally possible, Rorschach would be the illegitimate love child of Batman and Danny Bonaduce. And for those of you who are fans of the website IMDB, you’ll be in for a shock to see that the actor playing this role, Jackie Earle Haley, is no stranger to playing a “bad ass” even when he was twelve years old.

Director Zack Snyder, (300), definitely puts his stamp on the film with his intense “bullet time” action sequences, and at the same time keeps everything moving at a steady pace so as not to lose the depth of the characters. Far too often with comic book films, the audience is just waiting until the next scene where the hero once again dons his costume. Snyder does a great job keeping all of the non-conflict and background content just as compelling as the high-energy, costume-clad scenes. A prime example of Snyder's detailed storytelling abilities is culminated in one of the most entertaining and useful opening credit sequences in movie history. Not to mention, the film's transitional scenes are paired up with an unorthodox, yet custom fitted soundtrack.

The most notable difference between Watchmen and its past competition is that it just feels “bigger” than most other comic book films. Not because more money was spent or the special effects were better, but because the threat the heroes are trying to prevent was at one time, very, very real. This film doesn’t take place in a fictional city like Gotham or Metropolis. The story of these heroes transcend through multiple countries and decades of world history, all in a faux reality that walks a thin line between fantastic imagination and our worst fears.

Story: 9.0
Acting: 8.5
Writing: 8.0
Captivation: 10
Replay Value: 9.5

Total = 9.0



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Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire is this year’s, “little movie that could.” However after viewing this film, calling it a “little movie” would be the furthest thing from anyone’s mind. There’s nothing about Slumdog Millionaire that screams, “independent film.” The production quality is optimum. Actually that’s an understatement. This film is nothing short of a master’s course in imagery.

Slumdog Millionaire follows the life of Jamal Malik, (Dev Patel) a young boy growing up in the slums of Mumbai with only his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde older brother Salim (Madhur Mittal) to take care of him. In his constant search of his life-long love Latika (Freida Pinto), Jamal ends up on India’s version of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire,” where he makes it all the way to the final question due to the parallels between the game’s trivia and Jamal’s incredible life experiences. All the while, Salim battles his insatiable lust for money and power, which perpetually conflicts with his unshakable loyalty to his younger sibling.

Harsh and powerful is how this film starts. It gets right in your face and stays there for the entire first chapter. Jamal and Malik’s childhood is horrific and forces the brothers to mature very quickly which can be noted in the character’s dialogue. However, this film does not rest on the spoken word by any means. In fact, the character that you seem to hear the most is Prem Kumar, (Anil Kapoor) the bizarro Regis that hosts the game show. Instead, this film moves the audience with a blitz of strong images that makes the viewer feel like they’re flipping through an old-school “Life” magazine. Throw in a spot-on soundtrack, and you have one of the most visually stimulating films you’ll ever see.

Director Danny Boyle used a very dynamic, high-contrast documentary style, which truly captures the feel of the two brother’s traumatic childhood. He even borrows a little bit of his 28 Days Later techniques during “chase” scenes. Much use is made of extreme angles to convey the harsh reality the characters are forced to deal with. And to stir the pot the opposite direction, there seems to be a grain of a Forrest Gump like aura surrounding Jamal, especially when involving his love interest Latika.

Direction and cinematography are the fuel in Slumdog Millionaire’s engine, but it all rests on the chassis of a great story. Today’s audience is so jaded that it’s hard to impress them with story alone, but Slumdog Millionaire does just that. After reading the synopsis of this film not many people could truthfully say, “I’ve seen something like that before.” The film however does run the risk of being a little self-indulgent and gets carried away with symbolism near the end. But by that time the audience is so enchanted with the characters, story and visuals, it could get away with almost any excess fulfillment.

Story: 10
Acting: 8.0
Writing: 7.0
Captivation: 8.5
Replay Value: 7.0

Total = 8.1



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The Wrestler

Some critics would say it's easier for an actor to portray himself or herself in a role rather than a fictional character because stepping into another person's shoes is the hardest faction of professional acting. Then there are others who would say the contrary. Some theorize that playing yourself, or a role close to it, is actually more difficult because an actor has to then expose themselves to the entire audience. They can no longer hide behind a wall in the form of a character, which for many actors is the security blanket that wraps around their talent.

Mickey Rourke’s performance in The Wrestler is nothing short of magnificent. No doubt that Rourke had a plethora of real-life experiences and emotions to reference in this role. From preferring to be called by his nickname to his short-lived professional boxing career, Mickey Rourke draws many parallels to his character Randy “The Ram” Robinson. Rourke leaves it all on the table in this film. It’s definitely the most vulnerable role the quintessential “tough guy” has ever played. And it may even deliver the Academy Award for “Best Actor.”

Rourke’s character Randy “The Ram” Robinson use to be the end-all be-all in professional wrestling back in the 1980’s. Now some twenty years later, the once "king of the ring," has been reduced to playing extremely small venues in the independent wrestling circuit. The wrestlers have to buy their own props and resort to extremely violent gimmicks like barbwire and staple guns, in order to draw any type of a crowd. They put themselves through pure hell for little money just to keep their dream alive. Of course the wresters in this circuit look at Randy as a “god,” as most of them grew up idolizing his performances. On the weekdays, Randy works at a local supermarket to try and keep up with the rent on his trailer-park home. He has an estranged daughter that he abandoned during childhood and spends his spare time at the local strip club where he pays all of his attention to a stripper named Cassidy (Marisa Tomei), for whom he has romantic feelings. Although he looks to be in good physical shape, Randy’s body is on the verge of total collapse after all the years of performance drugs and physical brutality.

A major area where this film succeeds is its ability to shine a light on the darkest part of professional wrestling. Even the big-time performers like Hulk Hogan have admitted to drug use in order to maintain an edge on the younger competition and prolong their careers. Performance drugs and many other types of pain-coping substances are easily available to these athletes willing to trade long-term health for a shot at stardom.

Mickey Rourke’s career is not the only one to receive an adrenaline shot from this film. Marisa Tomei has also been nominated in the upcoming Academy Awards in the “Best Supporting Actress,” category. Tomei is very solid in the role of Cassidy, an aging stripper who, like Randy, is weary of her future in a profession tailored for younger people. She also has 9-year-old son and is trying to make a better life for both of them by quitting the business. She has a very soft spot for Randy that could develop into something deeper if she let it, but is cautious about getting too involved with a customer.

The Wrestler is not the stereotypical uplifting sports film where the main character is able to overcome their challenges and stand in total triumph at the end. This is no “Rocky” story. However the film’s ending is absolutely appropriate and some would even say “happy,” in a very paradoxical manner.

Story: 8.0
Acting: 9.5
Writing: 9.0
Captivation: 8.5
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 8.3




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25 Greatest Bad-Good Movies

What makes a truely awesomely bad movie? Is it the ludicrous plots? The bad acting/writing? No it's a lot more than that. Any movie can be horrible, but it takes a perfect chemical reaction to make a disastrous masterpiece. The ingredients are usualy an overcooked plot, add some bad actors with just a sprinkle of good ones, mix in some overconfidence, and finish it all off with just a dash of cliche.

Here are the top 25 films that simmered this recipe to a perfect mess. Thanks for everyone's participation. It was a lot of fun.

25. Killer Clowns From Outer Space (1988) – Probably either the source or fuel to most people’s hatred and fear of clowns. I’ll never drink from a crazy straw again.

24. Nothing But Trouble (1991) – Great comedic actors, horrible writing, bad make-up, and who can forget Humpty and Tupac.

23. Weekend at Bernies (1989) – A dead guy gets his nads smashed over a hundred times. Nuff said.

22. Footloose (1984) – The Baconator goes into a town where dancing is banned to absorb John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest, and Sarah Jessica Parker into his six degrees.

21. Commando (1985) – Johnny Matrix (Aauunuld) kills everything in his way to rescue Samantha and return her home to Tony Danza. Or something like that.

20. Teen Witch (1989) – The Poltergeist lady teaches Daniel-sans girlfriend from Karate Kid III how to cast spells and become the most popular girl in school . . . . TOP THAT!!!

19. Masters of the Universe (1987) – Ivan Drago becomes He-Man to save Courtney Cox from the clutches of Langellator.

18. Can’t Buy Me Love (1987) – Not so McDreamy pays a girl to date him in order to achieve popularity in high school. What was the moral lesson we were suppose to learn from this again? Oh yeah, stepping on flaming dog shit is still really funny.

17. Short Circuit (1986) – A government robot designed for destruction gets struck by lightning causing it to love television commercials, disco, and of course . . . GUTTENBERG!!

16. Cocktail (1988) – Cruise gets a job at the coolest TGI Fridays in the world and learns to become a master bar tender. I’m still waiting for Cocktails & Dreams to hit my mall. I can’t wait to get wasted and jump on over to Waldenbooks to read Dianetics.

15. Dragnet (1987) – One of Tom Hank’s skeletons early in his career. He teams up with the new Friday, Dan Aykroyd. Aykroyd simultaneously annoys his partner, boss, bad guys and the viewing audience with his outrageously bad Joe Friday impersonation.

14. Overboard (1987) – Debutante Goldie Hawn suffers amnesia after falling off her yacht and is tricked into becoming a housewife by the carpenter, Kurt Russell, she stiffed on a job. Ba, bu-ba, ba, ba, bu-ba, ba, bu-ba, ba, ba, bu-ba.

13. Just One of the Guys (1985) - Zabka Lives!!! Yes the greatest bully in movie history is at it again, this time he torments an icognito high school girl posing as a guy in order to get her journalistic talents taken seriously. And let’s not forget this movie has one of the most memorable "flash" scenes of all time.

12. North Shore (1987) – Pretty much Karate Kid on a surf board.

11. Point Break (1991) – Swayze running around in a Ronald Reagan mask, Keanu pretending to surf, and Gary Busey . . . . well being Gary Busey, what more could you ask for?

10. Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
A perfect storm of cheesy writing, old-school kung-fu, American flair, and of course John Carpenter’s favorite actor, Kurt Russell. Jack Burton, Russell, a wise-cracking truck driver gets mixed up in an ancient Chinese gang war, complete with Kung-Fu grip and magic powers. The spotlight is pretty much on Russell for the entire film as he blunders his way through the gangs' minions in order to throw a knife into the big boss’ head and save two green-eyed girls, one being a very young and very sexy Kim Kattrall. To this day I still think Midway ripped off that lightning guy with the big straw hat for their Raiden character in Mortal Kombat.

9. Side Out (1990)

C. Thomas Howell plays a law student trying to impress his big-time laywer uncle played by the very much alive Terry Kiser(Weekend at Bernies). He gets involved with a washed up volleyball player and soon begins to realize that there is more to life than law school. So pretty much Karate Kid with beach volleyball. I’m pretty sure that after the Karate Kid came out in 1984, most movies were pitched to Hollywood studios in this exact fashion, "You see, it’s Karate Kid with (insert sport here)."

8. Loverboy (1989)

Dempsey is back again, this time he’s shed his nerdiness and donned the persona of a gigolo. College Student Randy Bodek, Dempsey, works at Senior Pizza to help pay his tuition. When he realizes that minimum wage isn’t going to cut it, he tries a new endevour with his "special" customers. This movie is stupid and fun, plus we get to see Kirstie Alley when she was hot and a cool appearance by Princess Lea herself, Carrie Fisher. Extra anchovies anyone? No thanks.

7. Tango & Cash (1989)

What do you get when you mix two 80’s action stars, Jack Palance as the bad guy, that Chinese dude that’s always the Chinese bad guy, Teri Hatcher semi-naked and banging drums in front of a huge fan, the stereotypical frame job plot and one of the greatest catch phrases of all time? Well my friends you get fucking Tango & Cash is what you get. Overloaded with cliché dialogue and ridiculous action scenes, Sly and Russell put together nothing less than a symphony of awful. So awful I’ve seen it like 50 times. Plus you gotta give mad respect to the movie that gave us F.U.B.A.R.

6. Mannequin (1987)

Jonathan Switcher struggles to find work as a serious artist, one of his creations suddenly comes to life when an ancient Egyptian transports herself into the body of a mannequin Switcher created.
As the members of the brat pack tried to branch out on their own, we did get some timeless classics. Mannequin being one of them. I’ve totally lost count how many times I’ve seen this one. I don’t know what kind of spell it has over me but I can watch Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall make up those neato window displays over and over and over and over again. Cattrall is probably at her all-time hottest in this film and we get G.W. Bailey as a much dumber Capatin Harris. Not to mention the over-the-top and awesome portrayal of the character Hollywood, by Meshach Taylor plus an almost unrecognizable James Spader as the painfully squirming Mr. Richards. Anyone who says that this movie did not change the way they looked at mannequins is probably someone who did not see the movie.

5. License to Drive (1988)

This list would not be complete without at least one "Corey’s" movie. I think License to Drive is Corey Haim and Corey Feldman at their best. Which is pretty much the same as blowing a really lowd fart but it doesn’t smell too much. Anyway it’s still a cool flick.
Haim fails his driving test but hides it from his parents, steals his grandpa’s Cadillac to go out with a Mercedes, and ends up getting in major trouble because he listens to Feldman. Come on, that’s a formula that even Einstein would have to marvel at.

4. Bloodsport (1988)

You knew it was coming. All the way to number 4 and still no JCVD. Well here it is, the movie Van Damme made in 1988 and just kept on making for the next decade.
Actually based after the real-life experiences of martial artist Frank Dux, Van Damme takes part in the Mortal Kombatesque and underground Kumite tournament. Where there are no holds barred and participants are sometimes killed. I don’t think I’m alone when saying that you pretty much daydream through the movie until the tournament parts come up again. I remember two FBI agents who were terrible at their jobs trying to bring Dux back to America. But for the most part everyone watches this one for the karate alone. Donald Gibb, who plays the wrestling goon Ray Jackson adds a pure street fighting element to the tournament. I still can’t stand the part when Jackson has Chong Li down and out but then parades around the ring in victory instead of finishing him. COME ON!!! TAKE HIS ASS OUT!!! Oh well, now your in intesive care, happy now? Speaking of Chong Li, how can we ignore the presence of one of the greatest martial arts actors ever, Bolo Yeung. This guy was in Bruce Lee films for god’s sake. If he wanted to he could have killed Van Damme with a single thought. But instead he was kind enough to let the director dub him with a synthesized voice that would make Brittney Spears say, "That shit’s fake."

3. Over the Top (1987)

Okay, it’s ARM WRESTLING!!!!! FUCKING ARM WRESTLING!!!!! And they made a movie about it. They literally tried to make Rocky, but with arm wrestling. And guess what? IT FUCKING WORKED!!! At least to some extent. I can’t flip by it without watching at least a few minutes. Especially if it’s at the end.
Can somebody please tell me how the hell that grip switch thing that he does helps at all. You know you’ve tried it. We’ve all tried it. What does it do? I’ll tell you. NOTHING! Nothing at all. Except if you’re going against someone way stronger than you because you thought "the move" would enable you to defeat them. In that case "the move" almost gets your wrist broken. Thanks Sly, thanks a lot.

2. The Last Dragon (1985)

This is a very beloved film of mine and pretty much all of the Wu Tang Clan. If you have not seen this, you must run. Don’t walk, run out and rent it. It is supremely awful. The "Starry Night" of urban cinema. And by "urban" I mean black. Forget Dolemite, take a hike Foxy Brown, move over Shaft, we’ve got Bruce Leroy.
Leroy Green is a teenager who lives in the ghetto and religiously into the martial arts. He is obsessed with finding "The Master" who will show young Leroy how to obtain "The Glow" which is the final stage of martial arts mastery. But Leroy isn’t the only one after "The Glow," his arch nemesis Sho Nuff wants it for his evil purposes as well.
Let me just say that Show Nuff performs his martial arts in high tops. Do you really require more information to want to see this movie?

1. Road House (1989)

Are you surprised? You can’t be. This is by far the all-time best, bad, awful, great, terrible, fantastic, completely disastrous masterpiece of all time.
Swayze plays James Dalton. They guy you call when you need to clean up your road-house bar. What a thing to be known for. Dalton gets more than he bargained for when he learns that a corrupt business man named Brad Wesley has just about all of the town in his pocket and wants Dalton to play ball as well. Dalton calls in his mentor Wade Garrett, played by the great Sam Elliott, to help Dalton clean up not only the Double Deuce, (Why isn’t every bar named that?) but the town as well.
You have it all here. A complete catastrophe of bad lines like, "Pain don’t hurt," combined with Swayze wearing what looks like to be a tucked-into-his-jeans karate gui as his shirt for most of the film. You have a gratuitous sex scene with the hot town doctor, slow motion tai chi, Swayze ripping out a martial arts master’s throat and then having trouble beating up old man Wesley at the end. And of course bar fights, lots and lots of bar fights. It’s the ultimate testosterone experience. And it’s magnificent.

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Burn After Reading

With the recent success of their multi-Oscar winning movie No Country for Old Men the Coen brothers, Ethan and Joel, have been somewhat removed from their usual cult status. Some may fear that the duo would now fall suspect to Hollywood pressure to make a bloated, soulless, big-budget film in order to reap the rewards of their greatest success. Well have no fear; the Coen brothers are not selling out anytime soon.

Burn After Reading is the latest creation from the writing/directing brothers who will forever be George Lucas type heroes to anyone that holds The Big Lebowski in high regard. Trying to figure out how to write a synopsis of this film is about as absurd as the actual story. This is one of those films you just have to go out and see for yourself. No amount of explaining will really do this film any justice.

Burn After Reading is gourmet pointlessness. The uncomfortably realistic writing and beyond ridiculous scenarios go so far off course that they actually come around full circle to seem at times plausible.

Performances are excellent all the way around, from the first scene with John Malkovich all the way to the last scene with J.K. Simmons. No character gets lost in this film although it would be very easy to do so with such a great cast.

This film will most likely split audiences in half. Most will either hate it to no end or think it’s the Coen brother’s best work since The Big Lebowski. Burn After Reading has that same “could this really happen” type of feel to it. The absurdities in the film do not overwhelm reality; instead they kind of amplify it. Taking that into consideration, the Coen brothers may have actually created characters that make their Anton Chigurh (No Country for Old Men) seem like a logical fellow.

Story: 9.0
Acting: 10
Writing: 9.5
Captivation: 9.0
Replay Value: 8.5

Total Score: 9.2



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Tropic Thunder

The R-rated comedy has been back in the movie mainstream for the better part of this decade. However, comedy star Ben Stiller has not been a big part of it. With the exception of his first hit There's Something About Mary, Stiller has been the posterboy for the PG-13 comedy. His only other widespread R-rated release, 2007's The Heartbreak Kid, was a huge flop. Although very successful, Stiller's films since "Mary" have been missing the edgy humor that continues to grow in popularity with today's mature audiences. Stiller's recent success with films like Night at the Museum, Madagascar, and Meet the Fockers, pointed towards an Eddie Murphy type redirection in his career. It appears though that Ben Stiller is not ready to drink the Disney Kool-Aid. With Tropic Thunder, Stiller has resharpened his comedic talents back to "Mary" form.
Tropic Thunder is not only the title of this film but also the faux film being made by the characters. Prima donna actors from different backgrounds are pushed into a "real-life" situation while trying to make the greatest war movie of all time.
Like a lot of current-day comedies the story is merely a vehicle for the jokes, so the film goes "all-in" with amazing performances. In this case the gamble pays off. Stiller is once again solid in the starring role of fleeting action star Tugg Speedman. Jack Black is convincing in a darker role than he usually portrays, and Jay Baruchel (Knocked Up) and Brandon T. Jackson (Roll Bounce) are entertaining as the only real sane characters in the film.
Of course about 99 percent of the hype surrounding this film was concerning the role of Kirk Lazarus, played by the resurgent Robert Downey Jr. Lazarus is a five-time Oscar winning actor that goes so deep into his characters that he's lost site of his own identity. For "Tropic Thunder" Lazarus takes the role of an African American sergeant so seriously that he actually has a medical procedure to darken his skin. Even when the actors are aware that the situation they're in is for real, Lazarus refuses to break character. Downey is just hilarious in this role, showing off his great comedic prowess that many people forget he possesses, e.g. Back to School, Saturday Night Live. Downey is mesmerizing in every scene he's in, the audience hangs on every word and I found myself constantly trying to look for the real Downey, however it was very difficult.
The only performance that equaled or even surpassed Downey's Kirk Lazurus was that of movie mogul Les Grossman portrayed by none other than Tom Cruise. Cruises appearance in the film probably shocked people in two different ways. The first is that he was capable of such an over-the-top vulgar and funny character; the second is when viewers actually realized it was Cruise they were looking at on screen. Without his voice to give it away, Cruise is almost unrecognizable in this role. Adding to the shock value, not only does Grossman have a strong fondness for hip-hop dancing but also every line Grossman spews is vulgar and reprehensible. Cruise is able to maintain a funny yet uncomfortable type of tension with this character throughout the film.
Ben Stiller has directed a number of films including Reality Bites, The Cable Guy, and Zoolander, but this is easily his best directorial performance. Considering the sheer amount of big-time movie stars that appear in this film, Stiller did a fantastic job carving out the proper amount of attention for each character without leaving any in limbo.
Tropic Thunder does its job in the laugh department although there is a noticeable collapse in the story where the "real" danger becomes even more ridiculous than the fake movie they're shooting. As a whole the story takes on very familiar nonsensical breakdown as it moves along. Not unlike There's Something About Mary, Tropic Thunder starts out with a somewhat stable although exaggerated sense of reality, but as it moves forward real-world rules are bent to accommodate ludicrous situations.
Although not quite up to par with "There's Something About Mary," Tropic Thunder does give back some of the credibility Stiller has lost to the "Apatowverse" and shows that he's still capable of reaching a mature audience.

Acting: 8.5
Writing: 7.5
Directing/Editing: 7.0
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 7.0

Total Score: 7.4


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Pineapple Express

Let’s face it, it’s Judd Apatow’s world and we’re just laughing in it. At least that’s the way it must feel in Hollywood these days. Just about every successful comedy released in the past few years is either written, directed, or stars someone from the Apatowverse. The latest addition to the Rogan Galaxy is Pineapple Express.
Even though Apatow has a “story” credit on this film, the screenplay honors go to his padawans Seth Rogan (Knocked Up), and Evan Goldberg (Superbad, written by). Pineapple Express also reunites Rogan with James Franco (Spider-Man), his co-star from the “one and done” season of Apatow’s highly acclaimed NBC sitcom Freeks and Geeks.
I’m going to spend as much time telling you what this film is about as Judd Apatow did pitching it to Seth Rogan. Rogan quotes Apatow, “How about a weed-action film?” That’s exactly what you get with Pineapple Express. Stoner process server, Dale Denton (Seth Rogan) and a pot dealer, Saul Silver (James Franco) are on the run when Dale witnesses a murder committed by Saul’s drug supplier.
A film like this throws the success or failure squarely on the shoulders of its performers. The story is just a vehicle to get to the next joke. Fortunately for Pineapple Express, its performers are some of the best young comedic actors working today. Rogan plays his usual part as the “smartest” of the smart-asses. Much like comedic actor Will Ferrell, Seth Rogan has found his niche in Hollywood and is able to pull off the same character through most of his projects. However Rogan’s success is the complete opposite of co-star James Franco. Many audiences will be shocked at just how talented Franco is at comedy. Already with compelling dramatic roles in City by the Sea, and Annapolis, Franco is most known for his role as Harry Osborn in the Spider-Man trilogy. But in Pineapple Express viewers will be treated to a whole new perspective at the one-time James Dean look-a-like. Franco not only has great comedic timing but he is also very believable in the character of a low-level pot dealer seeking the approval and friendship of one of his customers.
Another familiar face in this film is Gary Cole, very well known for his roles in Office Space and The Brady Bunch Movie. Cole plays drug kingpin Ted Jones who is in a territorial war with the Chinese drug syndicate. Cole can play any character and make you smile, even without a punch line. His talent is all in his facial expressions and delivery.
An actor who will finally get some well-deserved notoriety in this film is Danny McBride (The Foot Fist Way). McBride takes on the role of Red, the middleman between Jones and his dealers. McBride has become a comedic chameleon, looking very different in each of his roles but maintaining that very amusing Ferrellesque overconfidence in his character’s abilities.
As expected, Pineapple Express has both great comedic chemistry with Rogan, Franco and McBride, and it has oddly hilarious writing that will make you think you’ve experienced a contact high. However a major surprise of the film is the disturbingly funny violence the film portrays. The characters in this film are subjected to some pretty traumatic injuries, coupled with low-tech sound effects that actually make gun-shot violence seem more realistic. But somehow the characters’ nonchalant reactions to the violence make it all the more amusing.
Even though it’s very unlikely, if Rogan and Francos’ careers happen to fall apart they could have a very successful endeavor using Pineapple Express as a launching pad to become this generation’s Cheech and Chong.

Acting: 8.5
Writing: 7.5
Directing/Editing: 7.5
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 8.5

Total Score: 7.8


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The Dark Knight

Throughout cinematic history an exclusive number of films have set the "gold standard" for their particular genres. They break new ground and draw the blueprints for the next decade of films. "Citizen Kane" redesigned the American drama in 1941, and "Rocky" winning the 1976 Best Picture Academy Award forever uped the ante for sports films. The Old Testament for special effects and science fiction was produced in 1977 with "Star Wars" followed 22 years later by the New Testement, "The Matrix."

As for the birth of the comic book genre, it began in 1978 with "Superman: The Movie" directed by Richard Donner. Of course comic book films had been produced before 1978, but the "Star Wars" revolution made it possible to bring the characters to life, super powers fully in-tact. Flash forward to 1989, "Batman" directed by Tim Burton redefined the genre again by giving a legendary character a more real-world look and orchestrated a more serious tone for how future comic book films would be approached.

The summer of 2008 has introduced the latest mile marker for the genre with "The Dark Knight," sequel to the 2005 reboot "Batman Begins." Not only does "The Dark Knight" triumph over its series originator, which many critics and fans already believe to be the pinnacle for comic book movies, but it now also stands alone in a brazen and unprecedented category.

"The Dark Knight" picks up just about were "Batman Begins" left off. Batman’s (Christian Bale, "Batman Begins") vigilante acts have not only inspired copycat heroes with shotguns, but also a new and horrific class of criminal. Enter The Joker (Heath Ledger, "Brokeback Mountain"). The Joker is unlike any villain Gotham City has ever seen. He commits heinous crimes more for their sheer pleasure than for a monetary reward. In trying to combat the Joker, Batman teams up with Lieutenant Gordon (Gary Oldman, "Batman Begins") and District Attorney Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart, "Thank You for Smoking"). Dent, who is looked at as Gotham’s "white knight," has made it his life's work trying to rid Gotham of organized crime. Batman sees Dent as his chance to hand over the reigns to Gotham and possibly have a normal life as Bruce Wayne. However, the Joker has other plans for Batman, as he does not like the prospect of his “most fun” adversary retiring.

Great acting usually stems from great writing, however with "The Dark Knight" it's the script that takes a back seat in the tremendous shadow caste by the actors’ incredible performances. First and foremost is the absolute and encompassing genius portrayal of The Joker by Heath Ledger. The insurmountable hype of this performance did not even begin to scrape the surface of just how amazing Ledger was in this film. Even more impressive was that the late actor had to first overcome the legendary Jack Nicholson, whose 1989 vision of The Joker in "Batman" was the industry standard for the past 19 years. The most important and powerful difference between Nicholson's and Ledger's work with the character is that in 1989 audiences watched Jack Nicholson as The Joker. In 2008, the presentation is The Joker played by Heath Ledger. No doubt that Nicholson was great in the role, however the viewer never lost site that it was indeed Jack Nicholson on screen. Not just due to his fame, but because Nicholson naturally adds a part of his personality into all of his roles. Conversely, when The Joker appears in "The Dark Knight," there is absolutely no sign of Heath Ledger. The Joker is all consuming, not a trace of Ledger’s personality or past performances can be identified. It’s obvious Ledger went to a very deep and dark place for this character. Everything from his mannerisms to his voice and facial expressions were unbelievably captivating. No viewer’s eyes were capable of leaving the screen for even a nanosecond when Ledger’s Joker was in action. He was sadistic, psychopathic, cunning and even funny all at the same time. If the late Heath Ledger does not receive at least an Oscar nomination for this role, it will be a greater injustice than even The Joker himself could commit.

All of the other performances, including Christian Bale’s Batman, are somewhat overshadowed by Ledger. However they are nowhere near forgettable. Bale does a fantastic job showing the duality of Bruce Wayne and Batman even more so than in the previous film. Gary Oldman and Michael Caine are once again perfect fits as Lieutenant/Commissioner Gordon and Alfred. And maybe a little lost in the shuffle is Aaron Eckhart’s disturbing role as Harvey “Two Face” Dent. Eckhart, already critically acclaimed for his roles in "Thank You For Smoking" and "In the Company of Men," realistically portrays a champion of justice systematically broken down, plummeting into a pit of madness.

And it’s not just the main characters, or even the secondary characters who excel in this film. "The Dark Knight" has an unusual amount of extraordinary bit parts, which are sprayed like gunfire throughout the film. Actors like Michael Jai White ("Spawn"), Eric Roberts ("Heroes"), and Tommy Lister ("Friday") are usually part of supporting casts, however they may have achieved some of the best work of their careers in these diminutive, but memorable roles.

If "The Dark Knight" were scored as an SAT test it would probably score a 1590. Unfortunately the only thing keeping it from perfection was suppose to be an upgrade from "Batman Begins." Maggie Gyllenhaal took over the part of Rachel Dawes from Katie Holmes. Gyllenhaal received much praise for roles in films like "Secretary" and "SherryBaby," but for some reason she fell extremely flat in "The Dark Knight." Gyllenhaal was like an out-of-tune instrument in a Beethoven symphony. Her lines sounded as if she was reading them off a prompter, and not for a second was she ever “believable” in Batman’s world.

"The Dark Knight" is the closest 1:1 version of a mainstream comic book ever turned into a movie. It’s also the first comic book film that is being talked about in the same breath with the Best Picture Academy Award. Not because of its special effects, big action sequences or great costumes, but simply because of the unmatched performances that outlined the third dimension of these immortal characters.

Acting: 9.5
Writing: 9.5
Directing/Editing: 9.5
Captivation: 10
Replay Value: 9.0

Total Score: 9.5

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Get Smart

When a feature film is inspired by a past television series, I always get a little nervous about it. These types of films have been very sketchy at best. Sometimes the film is very loyal to the original series such 1991's The Addams Family and 1993's The Fugitive. Other times many liberties are taken with the original show's formula in an effort to bring the story into current times. Some examples being 2000's Charlie's Angels and 2005's Bewitched. Movie studios have had varying degrees of success with both of these models, but I believe the newest incarnation of Get Smart manages to find the middle ground.

The television series Get Smart ran from 1965-1970 written by comedy legend Mel Brooks and starring Don Adams in the role of Maxwell Smart, a blundering high-tech agent who works for a covert US organization in a fight against evil around the world.

Trying to recapture Adams' charm and unique style of line delivery for this film would have been a mistake. Any actor attempting that would have come off as a cheap imitation. What this film needed was an individual that could resemble Adams while lending his own uniqueness to the character, however not to the point where it would interfere with the core personality. Enter Steve Carell.

Carell did a phenomenal job representing Adams' original version while interjecting his unique brand of dry humor that he's so well known for. Not only does Carell somewhat physically resemble Adams but his demeanor is a natural match. The audience can see Carell isn't copying the original Adams' version but is still remaining true to its essence. Actually the only time Carell seemed somewhat awkward in the role of Maxwell Smart is when he delivered the character's famous catch phrases. This however is not a harsh criticism because those phrases are absolutely essential to the character and the movie in general.

In the role of Max's partner, Anne Hathaway was very solid as the competent and beautiful Agent 99. Hathaway injected the role with a little more toughness than originally portrayed by Barbara Feldon in the television series. This was a pollitcally correct update to show that the female action hero has significantly evolved since the 1960's.

The rest of the very talented supporting cast really rounded out the film nicely. Dwayne Johnson (The Rundown, Be Cool) was a natural in the role of Agent 23, the super-hero like agent who is the star of CONTROL, the secret US agency that employs Max. David Koechner (Waiting) filled the classic T.V. series role of Larabee, the even more inept field agent than Max, and teamed up with his new sidekick Agent 91 played by Terry Crews (The Longest Yard). Also, classically trained actor Terence Stamp, who is most famous for embedding the persona of the Zod character from Superman II into pop-culture, takes on the role of Siegfried, Max's recurring nemesis from the television series. However, once again the best of the rest title is awarded to professional scene-stealer Alan Arkin. Arkin plays The Chief, head of CONTROL. Just like the last film Carell and Arkin were cast in together, Little Miss Sunshine, when Arkin is in the scene he cannot be topped.

Unfortunately, like a Ford Escort in the wintertime, this film needs a little warming up before it goes anywhere. The jokes start out luke warm and there's about 2 or 3 times where you think the film may be over but it just keeps going. Taking that into account, the story and writing actually get stronger as the film goes on. The comedy revs into high gear and the characters become more well rounded. All of the high-tech gadgets that made the original T.V. series so popular are upgraded to millennium status, but the writers cleverly managed to keep some of the most classic, but now obsolete, spy tools in the film.

Get Smart is a very entertaining film that still shines the Mel Brooks polish from the original show. It does drag some in the beginning, but leaves you satisfied with very funny writing, strong and comedic action sequences, and a stellar cast anchored by Steve Carell who could easily engrave his name as this generation's Maxwell Smart with a couple of sequels.

Story: 6.5
Acting: 8.0
Writing: 7.5
Captivation: 6.5
Replay Value: 7.0

Total Score: 7.1



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The Incredible Hulk

Don’t make me watch a bad comic book movie; you wouldn’t like me after watching a bad comic book movie. Thanks to Marvel Studios I didn’t have to. Marvel’s second feature film as an independent movie studio didn’t quite reach the Sirius status of Iron Man, but it held it’s own just fine.

The Incredible Hulk is a drastic improvement over the 2003 Hulk directed by Ang Lee. I’m not sure if it’s because these movies are now being produced by Marvel directly, but it seems as if there is a much higher importance on comic book accuracy and much less on artistic vision. Which is a good thing for most comic book fans. The reason the fans flock to these movies is to see the characters they read about, not to get some Picasso version by a fancy director with his own agenda.

Much like the famed Hulk roller coaster in Universal Studios, the newest film incarnation of the Hulk propels the audience right into the story. The opening credits are pretty much a montage of the Hulk’s origin. Everyone knows Bruce Banner is exposed to gamma radiation and turns into the unstoppable Hulk whenever he loses his temper. The audience did not need to go through that again and the film did a great job of getting everyone up to speed in the first five minutes.

Fans of “The Incredible Hulk” comic book will be very happy with this film. Edward Norton plays a very believable Bruce Banner, although Eric Bana did not do a bad job in the 2003 version, Norton just looks and sounds more believable in the part. Liv Tyler is not as polished as Jennifer Connelly was in the role of Betty Ross, but she filled the role as Banner’s love interest just the same. The inclusion of a real Hulk enemy in the movie, The Abomination played by the always-captivating Tim Roth (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction), was also a welcome addition that the 2003 version was missing.

Not to be forgotten, this film also catered to fans of “The Incredible Hulk” television series that ran from 1978-1982. Not only could the original theme song be heard, but a couple of nostalgia-laced cameos and references placed nicely in the film makes sure the audience does not forget the days of Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno.

A major criticism of the 2003 film was the not so realistic CGI generated Hulk. The Incredible Hulk version still looks like CGI, but it’s leaps and bounds over the previous attempt. This Hulk’s skin has much better textures and shading. One scene that is visually stunning involves Liv Tyler and the Hulk in the rain on the side of a mountain. You actually have a tough time seeing the Hulk as a special effect in this scene. The main problem is that audiences have been force-fed CGI effects for so long, moviegoers have become desensitized to them. The “wow” reaction people had to 1993’s Jurassic Park is long gone and it's become very difficult for computer artists to put something on the screen that will get a fresh reaction. However the action scenes did stun me, and not in a bad way. They were fittingly violent and really make you feel the sheer power of the Hulk and his adversary.

The only real criticism I have for this film is that the story writing started off very strong and then took a small break in the middle in order to advance to the creation of the Hulk's super-powered enemy, The Abomination. That and they should have used the 1978 television series theme song more liberally, but that’s nitpicking. This is easily the best the Hulk has ever looked on any screen and it’s the most entertaining of any live-action story involving the character.

Story: 6.0
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 6.5
Captivation: 7.5
Replay Value: 7.5

Total: 7.0


DVD SPOILER: There was a scene that director Louis Leterrier cut from the film, supposedly infuriating Edward Norton. The scene involved a cameo by Captain America who will also be featured in an upcoming Marvel Studios film. This scene will be included on the DVD.

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