Reger Rants - 11/22/2011

- Ok, my first rant has to do with people at public restaurants during normal dinner hours. Save the fucking dirty looks when my kids dare to make a sound. Guess what? People bring their kids out to dinner sometimes and they do make noise. I'm not talking 10 P.M. or at a fancy restaurant. I'm talking 5:30 at an outside cabanna restaurant. Get over it or stay home.

- I saw a guy yesterday wearing a shirt in public that said "100% Nigga" on it with a picture of a guy's outline pointing a gun. Guess What? If you want to be treated with respect, look and act respectable. That goes for every race, every color, male and female. I thought the shirt was kind of funny, but the intent seemed to be to strike fear in people.

- So, I am in the process of looking for a new job because, let's just say, that I was shorted a significant amount of money from my current job on a commission payment. I am one of 2 finalists for a really good surgical sales job. I have already interviewed 3 times with the same person and yesterday I flew up to Charleston for a final interview at the corporate headquarters. The price of my plane ticket? $850. When I was there I met a bunch of people who proceeded to tell me that the decision was 100% on the shoulders of the guy I had interviewed with 3 previous times. They also have another candidate up today to do the same thing. So that is %1500 spent for nothing. It seems like these corporations think they are playing with Monopoly money.

- Am I the only one that hates the method of player pickups in our fantasy league? It seems like you have 2 choices, either blow your waiver spot or race to your computer at 4 A.M. to make a pickup. I've never heard of a league like this and I have been in many.

- Call me a good samaritan or call me a nosy bitch, but I have started my own personal crusade against people breaking rules. The other day, I was waiting in line at Publix in the 10 items or less aisle. The lady 2 people in front of me had about 15-18 items. Most people would have just let it go, but not me. I went right up to her and pointed to the sign and demanded that she go into a different line. She had the audacity to get mad at me. Look bitch, it wasn't me breaking the rule. Also, yesterday when I was boarding my return flight, I was in zone 3. The couple in front of me were zone 4 (hadn't been called yet), so I pointed that out to them and walked in front of them in line. Once again, not my fault that you can't listen to simple directions.

Everyone have a safe and healthy Thanksgiving. GO PACK GO!!!!!

Big Fish Recap - 11/21/2011 - Showdown!

Showdown! - The Cobra Kai entered Fridays Showdown with the Cleaners in First Place despite missing key players through long stretches and devastating injuries in this up and down season. The Kai are a resilient group of veterans that seen it all…..but this season is one that is proving to be a teaching moment and showcasing the Cobra Kai resiliency.

“Perseverance is not a long race it is many short races one after another” And Part of being a champ is acting like a champ. You have to learn how to win and not run away when you lose. Everyone has bad stretches and real successes. Either way, you have to be careful not to lose your confidence or get to confident.” The surprisingly upbeat Johnny Blaze uttered at the post game press conference before coming to and asking what he just said because he blacked out.

On top of missing Roundhouse Reger Friday night who has been on fire for the Kai at the plate the team lost their hustle board leader Rambo to a broken thumb earlier in the week. On top of that the usually reliable leadoff hitter Dinger was caught in traffic and was late to the game. To add to it…the Umps were being investigated for cash/bribery allegations after calling the teams rock “Figgy” ineligible because of a failed waiver claim and alleged involvement with a 16 year old in an incident with Sully over 12 years ago. Figgy and the Cobra Kai declined comment but steadfastadely denied his involvement.

As the first inning came to a close the team had to shuffle around their defensive alignment as they were facing not only a tough Cleaners squad but apparently the Umps were against them as well on this fateful Friday Night. In the bottom of the 1st after giving up only 3 runs Oil Can Sprague’s gathered the team and told them:
One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team." If you are going to be a champion, you must be willing to pay a greater price.” Now let’s go out there and show them what the kai are about!!!

The Cobra Kai then struck back and regained the lead in the first inning lead by Capt Tucci and Oil Can Sprague’s clutch hitting that set the pace for the Kai. Koko continued to showcase his new skill set of speed, power, and agility, as he tries to make his mark as a 2.5 tool player in Red Bug Lake. “I recently switched to the “The Flash” underoos and it has given me a boost in the speed department all around” Koko said after the game. He also noted that Persistence is to the character of man as carbon is to the man of steel.

B-Groves the newest member of the Cobra Kai continued to showcase the team’s new resiliency and reliance on speed and perseverance. B-Groves has shown he can can go deep at games or draw a walk…whatever it takes for the team. Well, ON this night B-Groves was getting on base like Sully used to score at the candy store.

Speaking of On Base percentage and streaks…….a remarkable streak died this past week. The U of Miami alums failed to score a touchdown in an NFL game for the first time in146 weeks… a record surely not to be surpassed any time soon. However, DONJUAN’S streak of reaching base for the Cobra Kai remained Strong at 141 straight games……..” I am deeply saddened My “U” could not carry on the tradition….for that I will do everything I can to continue my streak in their honor and for the Cobra Kai” DonJuan said in his usual resilient and calm demeanor.

In the field the Kai were solid. Johnny Blaze turned the Cobra Kai’s First Double Play of the year and Oil Can made a play at the plate that at the time seemed like the play of the game and one that would seal the Cleaners fate on a Froze Rope throw from Capt Tucci deep in Center field.

The Game went back and forth and the Kai lead for most of the game. Then the Cleaners channeled their inner Mr. Clean and mounted a game tying rally in the bottom of the fifth. The Kai had their moments and then Sully showed up in his Levi’s after a meeting with Brett Favre delayed him….and he promptly ran out to the hole we had in RF by Figgy’s absence. Sully drew a walk in the bottom of the 7th…but the Kai fell a run short.

After the game the befuddled Leadoff hitter for the Kai simply said this”
"I promise you one thing. A lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of the season.
You will never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of the season. You will never see a team play harder than we will the rest of the season."

Red Bug Lake…Beware….The New and Improved Cobra Kai is ready to Run the Table!!!!
See You Under the Friday Night Lights…………..God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Jack and Jill

Even with his monumental success, Adam Sandler has and continues to be an acquired taste of one’s comedy palate. Sandler might have as many detractors as he does rabid supporters, but that doesn’t impede his films from raking in some of the all-time highest box office tills in history. Jack and Jill continues the Happy Madison tradition of absurd scenarios, awkward dialogue, chainsaw precision editing, and an eclectic group of familiar faces.

Jack Sadelstein (Adam Sandler) is the owner of a successful advertising agency. He lives what seems to be the perfect life in California and is looking forward to his first family vacation with his wife and children on a 7-day cruise. But to get there he has to first endure the visit from his twin sister Jill (also played by Sandler) for the holidays. Jill has aggravated and annoyed Jack his entire life with her crude behavior and eccentric tendencies, so his goal is to get her back on a plane to New York ASAP. However, when Jill catches the interest of legendary actor Al Pacino, Jack sees an opportunity to satisfy his biggest client Dunkin’ Donuts, who has made the outlandish request to include Pacino in one of their marketing campaigns.

This movie is going to get slammed, crucified and bashed by critics. But why? Hasn’t Sandler paid his dues and dug out his very own niche brand of humor by now? Yes there are varying degrees of quality within the films under the Happy Madison umbrella, but they all share the same inherent wackiness. Sandler deserves credit for never abandoning the style of comedy that made him a star like Eddie Murphy has over the past two decades. Even though he’s proven his talent to embrace more serious roles in films like Punch-Drunk Love, Spanglish and Funny People, Sandler always comes back to feed his core audience another crazy-filled milk bone. Although Jack and Jill is certainly not a classic like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore or The Wedding Singer, it does contain some very funny scenes with hilarious sight gags that are able to support some of the weaker writing and is multitudes funnier than Little Nicky or Grown Ups. Much like the SNL cast that Sandler and friends sprouted from, his films seem to become more revered as the years pass by.

At some point in a successful comic actor’s career it seems to be a requirement to dress up and play a woman. In his first attempt, Sandler wisely did not try to actually look, walk, talk, or act like a lady at all. Instead he just put on a wig and did the voice of Eleanore from Eight Crazy Nights. At first, the character of Jill comes of as incredibly abrasive and not in a funny way, which was pretty effective in conveying just how maddening it’s been for her brother to deal with her over their lives. But as the film progresses, Jill becomes easier on the eyes and ears, and Sandler is even able to evoke some actual empathy for the character.

The supporting cast of Jack and Jill is pretty much a “This is Your Life,” for Happy Madison alumni. With only a few omissions, anyone who has ever starred or provided a cameo before in a Sandler film can be found somewhere in this story. But the most shocking is easily the last actor anyone would ever think of to agree to a large role in a Happy Madison production, Al Pacino. Pacino starring in this film is almost as unfathomable as him accepting the fictional Dunkin’ Donuts commercial that Sandler’s character is trying to pitch to him. Unlike his career counterpart Robert De Niro, Pacino has never really taken on a bare-bones role in a straight comedy. Surprise, surprise, he’s excellent at it. Pacino plays a maniacal wild-eye version of himself, as most celebrities do who play themselves in Sandler’s films, a la John McEnroe (Mr. Deeds) and Bob Barker (Happy Gilmore). But unlike them, Pacino does not just appear on screen for a small cameo role, he’s a major part of the story and has the most screen time next to Sandler himself. Pacino fits right into the sensory overload of crazy like he’s been doing it his whole career and hopefully this role will lead him to choosing more comedies in the future.

Many beautiful women have also starred next to Sandler as his love interest, and for the most part, they’ve all brought something valuable to the film. Unfortunately Jack and Jill is the exception as Katie Holmes is nothing more than background scenery. Sandler would’ve been better off continuing the who’s who casting theme in this film and secured a past co-star like Winona Ryder (Mr. Deeds), Drew Barrymore (The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates) or Bridgette Wilson (Billy Madison).

Another new addition to the Happy Madison family, and hopefully one that will stay on for a long time, is Eugenio Derbez. Derbez is one of Mexico’s best-known actors and extremely influential amongst the Latin American community. Mostly starring in foreign projects, Jack and Jill is Derbez’s first big-time Hollywood film. Like Sandler, he also plays dual roles in this film as Felipe and Felipe’s Grandmother who is easily one of the funniest and physically odd characters you’ll ever see. Derbez is so natural amongst the familiar cast that at first glance the Sandler Rolodex will start spinning in your head to find out what other films he’s been in. Derbez is a natural comedic actor and has great charisma on screen; hopefully he can manifest this role into more mainstream projects.

Six-year-old Rohand Chand in his very first acting job plays Gary, the Sadelstein’s adopted son who portrays a pseudo-Jiminy Cricket to Jack and has a very odd obsession with scotch tape. Chand pulls of the very difficult task of mixing extremely adorable with odd and creepy.

Jack and Jill will probably not be remembered as one of Adam Sandler’s best pieces of work, but it’s certainly nowhere near the atrocity that many critics will make it out to be. Sandler’s career can actually now be equated to that of comedy icon Steve Martin. Martin also had many detractors early in his career for his seemingly nonsensical and highly irregular version of stand-up comedy and films. Also like Martin’s early work, Sandler’s films are immensely popular but are looked down upon by many as lowbrow humor. Today Steve Martin is considered a legend. With time, his deaf ears to critics, and ability to play the occasional serious role, Sandler should someday carry that moniker as well.

Story: 5.0
Acting: 6.5
Writing: 5.5
Captivation: 5.5
Replay Value: 6.0

Total = 5.7 out of 10

Reger Rants 11/3/11

- One of the biggest trends in sports that is also one of the biggest wastes of breath is when a coach says "I take full responsibility for this loss". Really? So what is your punishment? Do you have to do up/downs? Do you get assigned to watch film in solitary confinement? Taking responsibility with no consequence is not taking responsibility. Its a nice jesture but it has no teeth.

- Once a name or a nickname is established, people associated with it can't steal it. I'm sick of Kluge trying to take my moniker. When he moved I didn't say "hey, why don't you guys call me smoky?" Let it go. Kluge Rant has no flow and sounds terrible.


- The Kai is now 5-0 and still we can't get a recap from keith. Let me give you a tip. The road is a great place to post. In fact, I am driving right now. It is a great way to kill time and it helps you work on your periferal vision at the same time. Left and right as well as up and down.

- I wish I could just be a professional interviewer. I absolutely love them. The thing that sucks is that after the interview, you actually have to work if you get hired. I went on one last night for a surgical device company and just got my invite to go to Charleston for a final interview. I don't know / think i'm going to take the job (more travel, less certainty and I already have a good job), but I forgot how fun interviews are.

- What is going on with the college conferences these days? I can't keep up and really don't care that much. It seems like every day that somebody is leaving, and then they aren't, and then they sue, and then they drop the lawsuit. What is wrong with the NCAA just assigning conferences, like professional sports? Oh yeah, this is the NCAA (National Communists Against Athletes) we are talking about.

- T minus 1 year and 5 days until Obama's presidency will thankfully end. Like him or hate him, he has not gotten the job done. Our economy is getting worse and there is no end in sight. The Repubicans will control the House at least through his first 2 years (if re-elected) and it will be, as Obama so eloquently put it in 2008 "More of the same". He might have the best ideas in the world, but if they can't pass, it doesn't matter.