Reger Rant - 5/16/2012

- So, I have a new problem to report. The pussification of children in America and the long term results of this epidemic. It seems like parents are so into babying their children that they are completely ignoring raising them to be adults (which, by the way, is the main purpose of being a parent in the first place.). Preparing kids for the realities of life has completely gone out the window. I see this every day when I coach baseball. It is pathetic. "No, Johnny is not going to pitch this game because he hasn't been to practice in 2 weeks" "I'm sorry that his feelings are hurt" These are frequent conversations that I have. I actually witnessed this first hand by our other coach last week. We got into it a little with another team and a player said he was going to go after his son. When I was a kid, this would be like adding gasoline to a fire, for me. So what happened? The parent literally wanted us to forfeit the game to protect his son. What a joke. What is going to happen when these pussies hit the real world? What's going to happen when they get rejected by a college or a girl or get into a fight? I'm not advocating cruelty, but a little harmless bullying makes kids tougher. Guess what kids? Not everyone can win. Not everyone gets the job. Not everyone gets good grades. Not everyone makes the same amount of money. Or has whatever job they want. The problem is that, many times, the first time a kid gets told "no" is after they are an adult and they freak out. That's why you see more teen angst and suicides than ever. This trend needs to stop, now. When I tell my kids "no" the answer is "no". I don't care how much of a fit you throw. When I give out a punishment, that is the punishment, no matter what. If somebody hits you, defend yourself and hit him back. If somebody bullies you, ignore it or stand up for yourself. If somebody throws at you in a baseball game, either pound the ball the next time you are up, or hit him back if you are pitching. I know a lot of you guys are either new parents or will be soon. Please help me stop this trend. Your kids will thank you someday, even though they might not like it now, your job is to prepare them for the real world, not be their best friend.

The Avengers

With the release of Iron Man in 2008, Marvel Studios ignited an unprecedented plan in movie marketing. Instead of simply commissioning another super hero team-up film and inundating the public with commercials, web banners, and billboards, Marvel decided to “double down.” In an effort to separate themselves from other Marvel properties licensed out to 20th Century Fox, such as X-Men and The Fantastic Four, Marvel Studios spotlighted each major character from "The Avengers" in their own feature film. The five films: Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor and Captain America: The First Avenger, all achieved moderate to great success at the box office. But their individual accolades were simply byproducts of their primary function; extremely expensive and well-made commercials to generate unparalleled anticipation for an Ocean’s Eleven-esque super hero extravaganza that could blow the mind of even the most critical of all fan bases. Marvel Studios placed its fate in the $220 million hands of this film, trusting it will serve as the lightning rod for the next round of individual sequels as well as new projects. But first, The Avengers must make the dollars assemble.

Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hawkeye, Black Widow and The Hulk must unite as a team to fight off the alien invasion attempt by Thor’s adopted brother and the God of Trickery, Loki, and secure the Cosmic Cube before he . . . oh does the synopsis really matter? It’s The Avengers for god sake. Earth’s mightiest heroes come together to save the world, duh. With a built-in audience of this proportion that would’ve purchased tickets before there was even a capital “T” on the script’s title page, it’s the “how,” not the “why” that’s important.

Joss Whedon, revered for his sci-fi television work on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly, is the very brave soul who took on the directing and screenplay writing for this incredibly ambitious project. Before Whedon even uttered the word “action” for the first time on set, his biggest challenge would be obvious; allocate ample screen time for all of the characters while simultaneously keeping them relevant to the plot. The X-Men franchise failed in that attempt with major pieces feeling like they were crowbarred into the story like Halle Berry’s Storm and James Marsden’s Cyclops.

Whedon’s result? Well, say all-time great and Hall of Fame baseball player Mickey Mantle hit a ball out of Yankee Stadium, then The Hulk who just happened to be standing right outside eating hot dogs and smashing the cart, jumps up and thunderclaps the ball into outer space, at which time Superman, on a slow crime day, flies by during a “Clean-Up The Orbit” walk-a-thon, catches the ball and flings it into the next galaxy as he very irresponsibly litters across the universe . . . it would still not match the mammoth home run that is the film, The Avengers.

In creating this film, Whedon has reveled his own super powered alter ego. He is simply “The Maestro.” Every character, no really, every character is integral to the story. Much like The Hulk himself, the film’s BMI is 0, it’s pure muscle, not an ounce of fat added or a second wasted. Even unheralded characters like Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye and Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow are emphasized with paralleled importance and captivation to the main players within the plot. Whedon conducts a master symphony for how to incorporate a large cast into a heightened reality without losing the individual relationships and genuinely humorous moments between the characters.

No one is going to mistake lines from The Avengers with The Shawshank Redemption, however the The Avengers' script carefully walks the tightrope between movie and comic book quality dialogue. The intangible and sometimes corny feeling of a comic book is present when characters like Captain America speak, but the syntax is amped-up to match the grandiose stage of the film.

As important as good dialogue is to a film, a comic book movie is DOA without great fight scenes. The action in The Avengers is the stuff of pure geek dreams with special attention paid to The Hulk. As with every hero team-up in comic book history, the characters are not friends right away, first they must have a misunderstanding and square off against one another. It’s just an old, but necessary tactic in comics so that fans get to see how one hero would do in battle versus another. Kudos to Whedon for keeping that time-honored tradition and having the wherewithal to know that much of what makes a successful comic book film are the things you don’t change.

Of course for the film to even have a prayer at joining the upper echelon of super hero cinema, The Avengers need to battle an exceptional villain. Loki played once again by Tom Hiddleston from Thor, gets to flex his “evil muscle” even more than in the character’s previous film. In one particular stand-out scene, Hiddleston exhibits Loki’s power of breaking down a person’s psyche in such a menacing way that it temporarily revs up the character’s “evil meter” to Joker-like levels, further exemplifying the pain and unraveling Loki continues to deal with himself.

As for the heroes, the chemistry between the big four of Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) and Captain America (Chris Evans) is quite impressive. Fittingly, the mood and conversation is very awkward when they first meet, but by the end of the film it’s as if they’ve known each other for years. Downey’s 1:1 depiction of Tony Stark from the comics is once again unsurpassed, but to spotlight another performance and perhaps the most challenging to convey in all the sci-fi madness is Chris Evans' Captain America/Steve Rodgers. Rodgers not only has to deal with an alien invasion, trusting new teammates and the fate of the world, but he’s also still grieving over the loss of everything he’s ever known from his life in the 1940’s. The introduction of a new and confusing world in 2012 is as alien to him as Loki’s army. Evans is able to incorporate a believable innocence and ignorance for Captain America, galvanizing the team at their most difficult moment and elevating to the levelheaded and courageous leader everyone respects.

Earth’s mightiest heroes were already smashing box office records around the world before Day 1 on US screens. Even more important, this film will earn repeat business that could rival Titanic or Avatar, making it the 12th film to break the billion-dollar mark. That kind of revenue would prove the formula used by Marvel Studios to set up this film is an unmitigated success, green lighting each of the individual Avenger's sequels, scripts for lesser-known characters in Marvel’s gallery and an inevitable counter reaction from rival DC Comics to finally bring "The Justice League" to the big screen.

Story: 8.5
Acting: 8.5
Writing: 8.5
Captivation: 10
Replay Value: 10

Total = 9.1 out of 10



Epilogue: Five Years Later

After "The Avengers 2" and "The Justice League" rake in a combined total $1 Zillion, producers from each studio will be taken by stealth submarine to a secret meeting with director James Cameron at the bottom of the Mariana Trench to negotiate a deal for "The Avengers Vs The Justice League" in Super IMAX 5D Hologram resulting in a paradox that will turn hair white and burn out the eye sockets of every geek in the world, a la what the “burning bush” did to Moses in The Ten Commandments and the Ark of the Covenant to the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark, respectively.

CAN’T WAIT!