Articles

Reger Rant - 2/10/2012

2012-02-10T17:03:00.003-05:00

- Now that we are knee deep into the Presidential primaries, one thing remains clear, Mitt Romney gives the Republicans the best chance at unseating Obama for the White House and restoring order to our country. So why, under this obvious assumption are Republicans not banding together for this cause? Why do we let people like Newt and Santorum stick around? It makes no sense to me. Even if a guy is not your favorite, pick the most winnable. We can't go another 4 years like the last 4.

- I won't go back over my thoughts on Eli, but I can't help but play the "what if" game with the Packers. We would have killed the weak ass Pats in the Super bowl.

- Speaking of Super Bowl, I personally feel like Gronkowski and Light are fucking idiots for partying and dancing around after their team lost. No expannation is acceptable to me. Many fans out there put their heart and sole into your team and you let them down. Even if you don't give a shit, don't show it in public. Gronkowski could barely move during the game and he is jumping around after? Its called humility. There is a time and a place to celebrate the season and your accomplishments. Right after the game is not it.

- I think Orlando needs to keep Dwight Howard and let him walk after the season. This forcing your way out of cities and dictating where you will play bullshit has to go. Other teams know that the Magic are backed into a corner and are low balling them. I say play him 48 minutes per game and ride him until he drops. Then, after the season, make him take the $30 million less that other teams can offer and live with that.

- Why is it that cable TV shows are about a million times better than network shows? You would think that the networks have the most money and could offer more loot than cable stations. Try finding better shows than Breaking Bad, Shameless, Game of Thrones, and Boardwalk Empire on network TV and you will fall short. The only exception is the brilliant "Revenge". But that is the exception.

- When was the last time a great new band came out? I'm talking about one that uses guitars and drums (as opposed to computers and drum machines). Music today is either puppy dogs and ice cream rock (see Fray, The), pussy rap, or pop. There has to be new talented, original rock bands out there somewhere. We need you now!

- Finally, this blog has seen far better days. It works the best when we have many contributors. Don't be a pussy. If you have an opinion, let it be heard. I guess it is all well and good to have myself and broko go back and forth on things, but I would rather have more people involved. There have been many times where people have told me "I agree with you, but didn't to post anything" . Don't hold back. I'm pretty sure your opinions can't be more left than Koko or more right than me.

Big Fish Recap - 12/14/2011 - Kaibow Time

2011-12-14T14:00:00.003-05:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, and NO Mercy! Once again that is the Cobra Kai credo….one that was never forgotten but just temporarily put on hold. Well…..This Season is different…….this season the Cobra Kai are intent upon restoring the glory to the dojo and showing Red Bug Lake just what the team stands for.

The Great Tim Tebow once said “I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary and "The price of greatness is responsibility. Capt. Tucci quoted Tebow when imploring the Cobra Kai to reach Greatness this season.

Well…..The Cobra Kai displayed Greatness……..Struck First, Struck Hard, and Displayed NO Mercy in the fastest game in Red Bug Lake History this past Friday Night. Oil Can Sprague’s and Roundhouse Reger back from his tour of duty were on the base path ready to score in the top of the 1st inning……when New Cobra Kai Recruit Major Nelson stepped to the plate.

“I just wanted to show Capt and the rest of my Kai teammates I had what it takes to be a part of the winning tradition that exemplifies the Cobra Kai” Major Nelson said after the game……………….well on the first pitch from Savvy Veteran Pony Tail Ike……Major Drove an outside Slider up the middle with no Mercy and it tailed off the Pitchers Glove and next thing we knew blood was spewing from that glove……and the Kai were on the board. Unfortunately, for the fans of Red Bug Lake that night….that was as far as the game would be played as the Cleaners pitcher would not be able to return. Without their veteran leader THE Cleaners would succumb to the pressures and forfeit as failure was imminent and they knew the Cobra Kai were not a team to be taken lightly…….

This goes down as the Fastest Game ever in Red Bug Lake history lasting 1/3 of an inning. Major Nelson was promptly tested for Performance Enhancing substances after the blast….but the league only found nicotine in his system and he was cleared for the second game of the night.

The Second game of the Night pitted the Cobra Kai against the Free agents with a Regular Season First Place title riding on the line for the Kai. Each championship is unique and special and I think this can be a championship team. But we do have to take it one game at a time. You can't look at the end of the road before you get the next foot in” Said Oil Can Sprague’s before the game.

Oil Can Sprague’s took the mound looking to become only the second pitcher in Cobra Kai history to achieve an .800 win % and hold an ERA under 3.67 for the season……this will surely earn him top votes for league Cy-Young.

The Defense was primed and the Bats needed to stay hot if the Kai wanted to take home the division title on this fateful night.

In the bottom of the first the Kai held the Free agents to 0 runs and jumped out to an early lead as the top of the line-up got on and then Roundhouse Reger and Major Nelson drove them in to set the pace for the night.

"Many hands make light work and we all pitched in when our number was called tonight” another new piece for the Kai Brandon “B” Groves said after the game. B-Groves is platooning with All-Star 1B Koko in the 6-7 hole and they politely decide which player gets to get the hit each inning. However, after the game Capt. Tucci informed them that in the playoffs they can both hit back to back hits……..and we will need them.

Koko came out to tonight’s game sporting his “Plastic Man” underoos and made a Stretch Play at 1B to conclude a wild double play for the Cobra Kai. Johnny Blaze suddenly the New “Utility” player for the Kai found himself roaming 2B after Rambo got his “Thumbs” Broken last week down on the docks. “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are…I am just happy to help when my number is called wherever my teammates need me” Second base has been a dangerous spot all year….and I wanted to make my mark to help seal up the Right side of the diamond for Oil Can” Johnny Blaze said after the game.

Well…..The Bats took off for the Cobra Kai as in the bottom of the third. Roundhouse Reger blasted a shot to the Outfield and Major Nelson cleared them home with another clutch hit. Don Juan…..leading the league in On Base % at .889 came to the plate and blasted a shot up the middle leading to his first double of the year…..and second of his career. After the Game Don Juan said” Dose Pendehos think I have dee Nuts to run to 2nd base……..But dey forget I steal 2nd if they leave it unlocked”

The Kai opened up the game after that and soon the Umps were crying for the Mercy rule as the Kai ended the game after 6 innings in a 17-6 thumping priming themselves for the Championship Run this Friday Night.

The Team will have to bring their “A” game….and they will be ready as the Playoffs ensue this Friday Night Under the Red Bug Lake Lights.

Reger Rants - 11/22/2011

2011-11-28T11:56:00.003-05:00

- Ok, my first rant has to do with people at public restaurants during normal dinner hours. Save the fucking dirty looks when my kids dare to make a sound. Guess what? People bring their kids out to dinner sometimes and they do make noise. I'm not talking 10 P.M. or at a fancy restaurant. I'm talking 5:30 at an outside cabanna restaurant. Get over it or stay home.

- I saw a guy yesterday wearing a shirt in public that said "100% Nigga" on it with a picture of a guy's outline pointing a gun. Guess What? If you want to be treated with respect, look and act respectable. That goes for every race, every color, male and female. I thought the shirt was kind of funny, but the intent seemed to be to strike fear in people.

- So, I am in the process of looking for a new job because, let's just say, that I was shorted a significant amount of money from my current job on a commission payment. I am one of 2 finalists for a really good surgical sales job. I have already interviewed 3 times with the same person and yesterday I flew up to Charleston for a final interview at the corporate headquarters. The price of my plane ticket? $850. When I was there I met a bunch of people who proceeded to tell me that the decision was 100% on the shoulders of the guy I had interviewed with 3 previous times. They also have another candidate up today to do the same thing. So that is %1500 spent for nothing. It seems like these corporations think they are playing with Monopoly money.

- Am I the only one that hates the method of player pickups in our fantasy league? It seems like you have 2 choices, either blow your waiver spot or race to your computer at 4 A.M. to make a pickup. I've never heard of a league like this and I have been in many.

- Call me a good samaritan or call me a nosy bitch, but I have started my own personal crusade against people breaking rules. The other day, I was waiting in line at Publix in the 10 items or less aisle. The lady 2 people in front of me had about 15-18 items. Most people would have just let it go, but not me. I went right up to her and pointed to the sign and demanded that she go into a different line. She had the audacity to get mad at me. Look bitch, it wasn't me breaking the rule. Also, yesterday when I was boarding my return flight, I was in zone 3. The couple in front of me were zone 4 (hadn't been called yet), so I pointed that out to them and walked in front of them in line. Once again, not my fault that you can't listen to simple directions.

Everyone have a safe and healthy Thanksgiving. GO PACK GO!!!!!

Big Fish Recap - 11/21/2011 - Showdown!

2011-11-22T12:29:00.000-05:00

Showdown! - The Cobra Kai entered Fridays Showdown with the Cleaners in First Place despite missing key players through long stretches and devastating injuries in this up and down season. The Kai are a resilient group of veterans that seen it all…..but this season is one that is proving to be a teaching moment and showcasing the Cobra Kai resiliency.

“Perseverance is not a long race it is many short races one after another” And Part of being a champ is acting like a champ. You have to learn how to win and not run away when you lose. Everyone has bad stretches and real successes. Either way, you have to be careful not to lose your confidence or get to confident.” The surprisingly upbeat Johnny Blaze uttered at the post game press conference before coming to and asking what he just said because he blacked out.

On top of missing Roundhouse Reger Friday night who has been on fire for the Kai at the plate the team lost their hustle board leader Rambo to a broken thumb earlier in the week. On top of that the usually reliable leadoff hitter Dinger was caught in traffic and was late to the game. To add to it…the Umps were being investigated for cash/bribery allegations after calling the teams rock “Figgy” ineligible because of a failed waiver claim and alleged involvement with a 16 year old in an incident with Sully over 12 years ago. Figgy and the Cobra Kai declined comment but steadfastadely denied his involvement.

As the first inning came to a close the team had to shuffle around their defensive alignment as they were facing not only a tough Cleaners squad but apparently the Umps were against them as well on this fateful Friday Night. In the bottom of the 1st after giving up only 3 runs Oil Can Sprague’s gathered the team and told them:
One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team." If you are going to be a champion, you must be willing to pay a greater price.” Now let’s go out there and show them what the kai are about!!!

The Cobra Kai then struck back and regained the lead in the first inning lead by Capt Tucci and Oil Can Sprague’s clutch hitting that set the pace for the Kai. Koko continued to showcase his new skill set of speed, power, and agility, as he tries to make his mark as a 2.5 tool player in Red Bug Lake. “I recently switched to the “The Flash” underoos and it has given me a boost in the speed department all around” Koko said after the game. He also noted that Persistence is to the character of man as carbon is to the man of steel.

B-Groves the newest member of the Cobra Kai continued to showcase the team’s new resiliency and reliance on speed and perseverance. B-Groves has shown he can can go deep at games or draw a walk…whatever it takes for the team. Well, ON this night B-Groves was getting on base like Sully used to score at the candy store.

Speaking of On Base percentage and streaks…….a remarkable streak died this past week. The U of Miami alums failed to score a touchdown in an NFL game for the first time in146 weeks… a record surely not to be surpassed any time soon. However, DONJUAN’S streak of reaching base for the Cobra Kai remained Strong at 141 straight games……..” I am deeply saddened My “U” could not carry on the tradition….for that I will do everything I can to continue my streak in their honor and for the Cobra Kai” DonJuan said in his usual resilient and calm demeanor.

In the field the Kai were solid. Johnny Blaze turned the Cobra Kai’s First Double Play of the year and Oil Can made a play at the plate that at the time seemed like the play of the game and one that would seal the Cleaners fate on a Froze Rope throw from Capt Tucci deep in Center field.

The Game went back and forth and the Kai lead for most of the game. Then the Cleaners channeled their inner Mr. Clean and mounted a game tying rally in the bottom of the fifth. The Kai had their moments and then Sully showed up in his Levi’s after a meeting with Brett Favre delayed him….and he promptly ran out to the hole we had in RF by Figgy’s absence. Sully drew a walk in the bottom of the 7th…but the Kai fell a run short.

After the game the befuddled Leadoff hitter for the Kai simply said this”
"I promise you one thing. A lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of the season.
You will never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of the season. You will never see a team play harder than we will the rest of the season."

Red Bug Lake…Beware….The New and Improved Cobra Kai is ready to Run the Table!!!!
See You Under the Friday Night Lights…………..God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Jack and Jill

2011-11-14T09:24:00.002-05:00

Even with his monumental success, Adam Sandler has and continues to be an acquired taste of one’s comedy palate. Sandler might have as many detractors as he does rabid supporters, but that doesn’t impede his films from raking in some of the all-time highest box office tills in history. Jack and Jill continues the Happy Madison tradition of absurd scenarios, awkward dialogue, chainsaw precision editing, and an eclectic group of familiar faces.

Jack Sadelstein (Adam Sandler) is the owner of a successful advertising agency. He lives what seems to be the perfect life in California and is looking forward to his first family vacation with his wife and children on a 7-day cruise. But to get there he has to first endure the visit from his twin sister Jill (also played by Sandler) for the holidays. Jill has aggravated and annoyed Jack his entire life with her crude behavior and eccentric tendencies, so his goal is to get her back on a plane to New York ASAP. However, when Jill catches the interest of legendary actor Al Pacino, Jack sees an opportunity to satisfy his biggest client Dunkin’ Donuts, who has made the outlandish request to include Pacino in one of their marketing campaigns.

This movie is going to get slammed, crucified and bashed by critics. But why? Hasn’t Sandler paid his dues and dug out his very own niche brand of humor by now? Yes there are varying degrees of quality within the films under the Happy Madison umbrella, but they all share the same inherent wackiness. Sandler deserves credit for never abandoning the style of comedy that made him a star like Eddie Murphy has over the past two decades. Even though he’s proven his talent to embrace more serious roles in films like Punch-Drunk Love, Spanglish and Funny People, Sandler always comes back to feed his core audience another crazy-filled milk bone. Although Jack and Jill is certainly not a classic like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore or The Wedding Singer, it does contain some very funny scenes with hilarious sight gags that are able to support some of the weaker writing and is multitudes funnier than Little Nicky or Grown Ups. Much like the SNL cast that Sandler and friends sprouted from, his films seem to become more revered as the years pass by.

At some point in a successful comic actor’s career it seems to be a requirement to dress up and play a woman. In his first attempt, Sandler wisely did not try to actually look, walk, talk, or act like a lady at all. Instead he just put on a wig and did the voice of Eleanore from Eight Crazy Nights. At first, the character of Jill comes of as incredibly abrasive and not in a funny way, which was pretty effective in conveying just how maddening it’s been for her brother to deal with her over their lives. But as the film progresses, Jill becomes easier on the eyes and ears, and Sandler is even able to evoke some actual empathy for the character.

The supporting cast of Jack and Jill is pretty much a “This is Your Life,” for Happy Madison alumni. With only a few omissions, anyone who has ever starred or provided a cameo before in a Sandler film can be found somewhere in this story. But the most shocking is easily the last actor anyone would ever think of to agree to a large role in a Happy Madison production, Al Pacino. Pacino starring in this film is almost as unfathomable as him accepting the fictional Dunkin’ Donuts commercial that Sandler’s character is trying to pitch to him. Unlike his career counterpart Robert De Niro, Pacino has never really taken on a bare-bones role in a straight comedy. Surprise, surprise, he’s excellent at it. Pacino plays a maniacal wild-eye version of himself, as most celebrities do who play themselves in Sandler’s films, a la John McEnroe (Mr. Deeds) and Bob Barker (Happy Gilmore). But unlike them, Pacino does not just appear on screen for a small cameo role, he’s a major part of the story and has the most screen time next to Sandler himself. Pacino fits right into the sensory overload of crazy like he’s been doing it his whole career and hopefully this role will lead him to choosing more comedies in the future.

Many beautiful women have also starred next to Sandler as his love interest, and for the most part, they’ve all brought something valuable to the film. Unfortunately Jack and Jill is the exception as Katie Holmes is nothing more than background scenery. Sandler would’ve been better off continuing the who’s who casting theme in this film and secured a past co-star like Winona Ryder (Mr. Deeds), Drew Barrymore (The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates) or Bridgette Wilson (Billy Madison).

Another new addition to the Happy Madison family, and hopefully one that will stay on for a long time, is Eugenio Derbez. Derbez is one of Mexico’s best-known actors and extremely influential amongst the Latin American community. Mostly starring in foreign projects, Jack and Jill is Derbez’s first big-time Hollywood film. Like Sandler, he also plays dual roles in this film as Felipe and Felipe’s Grandmother who is easily one of the funniest and physically odd characters you’ll ever see. Derbez is so natural amongst the familiar cast that at first glance the Sandler Rolodex will start spinning in your head to find out what other films he’s been in. Derbez is a natural comedic actor and has great charisma on screen; hopefully he can manifest this role into more mainstream projects.

Six-year-old Rohand Chand in his very first acting job plays Gary, the Sadelstein’s adopted son who portrays a pseudo-Jiminy Cricket to Jack and has a very odd obsession with scotch tape. Chand pulls of the very difficult task of mixing extremely adorable with odd and creepy.

Jack and Jill will probably not be remembered as one of Adam Sandler’s best pieces of work, but it’s certainly nowhere near the atrocity that many critics will make it out to be. Sandler’s career can actually now be equated to that of comedy icon Steve Martin. Martin also had many detractors early in his career for his seemingly nonsensical and highly irregular version of stand-up comedy and films. Also like Martin’s early work, Sandler’s films are immensely popular but are looked down upon by many as lowbrow humor. Today Steve Martin is considered a legend. With time, his deaf ears to critics, and ability to play the occasional serious role, Sandler should someday carry that moniker as well.

Story: 5.0
Acting: 6.5
Writing: 5.5
Captivation: 5.5
Replay Value: 6.0

Total = 5.7 out of 10

Reger Rants 11/3/11

2011-11-04T10:40:00.002-04:00

- One of the biggest trends in sports that is also one of the biggest wastes of breath is when a coach says "I take full responsibility for this loss". Really? So what is your punishment? Do you have to do up/downs? Do you get assigned to watch film in solitary confinement? Taking responsibility with no consequence is not taking responsibility. Its a nice jesture but it has no teeth.

- Once a name or a nickname is established, people associated with it can't steal it. I'm sick of Kluge trying to take my moniker. When he moved I didn't say "hey, why don't you guys call me smoky?" Let it go. Kluge Rant has no flow and sounds terrible.

- The Kai is now 5-0 and still we can't get a recap from keith. Let me give you a tip. The road is a great place to post. In fact, I am driving right now. It is a great way to kill time and it helps you work on your periferal vision at the same time. Left and right as well as up and down.

- I wish I could just be a professional interviewer. I absolutely love them. The thing that sucks is that after the interview, you actually have to work if you get hired. I went on one last night for a surgical device company and just got my invite to go to Charleston for a final interview. I don't know / think i'm going to take the job (more travel, less certainty and I already have a good job), but I forgot how fun interviews are.

- What is going on with the college conferences these days? I can't keep up and really don't care that much. It seems like every day that somebody is leaving, and then they aren't, and then they sue, and then they drop the lawsuit. What is wrong with the NCAA just assigning conferences, like professional sports? Oh yeah, this is the NCAA (National Communists Against Athletes) we are talking about.

- T minus 1 year and 5 days until Obama's presidency will thankfully end. Like him or hate him, he has not gotten the job done. Our economy is getting worse and there is no end in sight. The Repubicans will control the House at least through his first 2 years (if re-elected) and it will be, as Obama so eloquently put it in 2008 "More of the same". He might have the best ideas in the world, but if they can't pass, it doesn't matter.

In Time

2011-10-28T17:18:00.001-04:00

Transitioning from one category of entertainment to another can be a very difficult process for a performer, especially if said performer is already embedded in peoples’ minds as their original occupation. Justin Timberlake should have his own “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” teaching a master’s class on the subject, that is, at least the faction of music to films. With In Time, not only does Timberlake prove he can headline a feature film, but he can throw it on his back as well.

Will Salas (Justin Timberlake, Friends with Benefits) lives in what appears to be a not too distant dystopian future where everyone stops aging at 25 and a countdown clock is activated in their forearms with the life allotment of 1 year. Money has been replaced with time as people now work to add more of the precious commodity to their clocks as well as using it to pay for food and goods. Salas lives in one of the poorest “time zones” where he falls into a chance meeting with a very wealthy and tragic man determined to give away the 100 years he has left. Following a tragedy of his own, Salas decides he’s going to take down the corrupt system that keeps the poor dying and the rich immortal.

In his first film as the heavy, Timberlake has chosen wisely, but in an ironic way that he probably did not intend. In Time is not a great film, it may not even be a good film, the plot is full of holes, the script is incredibly lazy and the whole film simply rests on the laurels of its intriguing and imaginative premise. But like the MVP candidate on a last place sports team, Timberlake’s talent is exemplified with even more contrast than his previous roles, as he is the primal reason this sinking ship of a film remains afloat and entertaining throughout. Already proving that drama and comedy were in his wheelhouse, action was the last remaining asset missing from the repertoire in his young acting career. But could he overcome his innocent boy-band past and prove to be a tough guy protagonist the audience can actually get behind? Timberlake’s increasing maturity level and in some scenes a James Bondesque aura of confidence, answers that question with a definitive “yes!”

Unfortunately, Timberlake cannot tap into the cloaking power of a Denzel Washington to hide the Death Star sized holes in this film’s story. Perhaps the biggest mistake In Time’s script makes is setting it in this reality’s future. Science fiction relies heavily on the rules of its imaginary world, but when no explanation is given at all for how or why the world turned out the way it did, the story falls very flat and unrealistic even in its own setting. There is never any mention of how or why people stopped aging at 25 or even a clue as to how everyone is born with a clock in their arms. If In Time were set in a parallel universe or another planet, it could get away with omitting the explanation of elements like this because it can be categorized as alien to our way of life. But the most egregious and blatant example of aloofness in the story is that the future portrayed in this film does not even seem to be a distant one at all. Based on the technology of the time it would seem this film takes place no more than 50 years from the present, but in the same instance there are characters claiming to be more than 100 years old. For society to change this drastically, at least an inkling of an explanation needs to be alluded to at some point if the viewer is to ever be fully immersed in the story.

Another area where this script just didn’t give a damn is in the surrounding world. The film never lets the audience know exactly where in the United States the story is taking place and whether or not the rest of the planet is working on the same system of time currency. Since people can no longer get sick and are supremely cautious with their well-being, is there still a military? Do professional sports still exist with championship teams able to stay intact indefinitely? Does the president serve more than two terms? Is there even a president at all? Elements like these did not require much screen time, even a news story on a passing television or background characters discussing current events could have added a multitude of depth to the overall plot.

Sharing at least some of the workload with Timberlake is Cillian Murphy (The Dark Knight) as the righteous timekeeper Raymond Leon. Timekeepers are the new police, making sure that large amounts of time are not transferred across zones. Murphy’s character had a lot of promise, but the weak script prevented him from evolving past a low ceiling. Leon is not just the common tunnel-vision antagonist; he’s a champion for the system, whether it is right or wrong.

Amanda Seyfried (Red Riding Hood) is the Bonnie to Timberlake’s Clyde as Sylvia Weis, daughter to seemingly the richest man in the world. Seyfried is not only underwhelming in this role but she actually drags down the film as her character and Timberlake’s reiterate the same conversation ad nauseam. Olivia Wilde (Cowboys vs. Aliens) as Will’s mother Rachel Salas is almost a throw away character and far beneath her abilities as an actor, and Matt Bomer (White Collar) was very intriguing as the rich and suicidal Henry Hamilton but was also vastly underused.

The only other noteworthy performance outside of Timberlake and Murphy surprisingly comes from Alex Pettyfer (I Am Number Four) as Fortis, the leader of the Minutemen. Conjuring up his inner A Clockwork Orange, Pettyfer ups his game tremendously from his previous roles. Fortis is the leader of a small mafia style gang who steals time from people and businesses too weak to defend themselves. Dripping with contempt, Pettyfer is instantly unlikable and is a perfect yin to Timberlake’s yang.

The premise of a futuristic Robin Hood who steals time from the rich and gives it to the poor is nothing if not imaginative. However as De Niro says in A Bronx Tale, “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” And Andrew Niccol, director/writer of In Time, is certainly talented with stories under his belt like 1998’s The Truman Show and 2004’s The Terminal. Although in both those instances, the films were directed by Peter Weir and Steven Spielberg respectively. I’m sure Niccol had zero trouble selling a film to Hollywood executives that contained no characters over 25 years old and a countdown clock in just about every scene, but sometimes the person with the great idea is better off handing it to someone with great execution.

Story: 6.0
Acting: 7.0
Writing: 5.5
Captivation: 6.5
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 6.3 out of 10

Footloose

2011-10-14T12:43:00.001-04:00

Remakes. Some people love them, others bellow out George Lucas’ favorite adverb at even a rumor of one heading into production. Either way, they have been and always will be a very important part of the movie-making industry. At its core, a good story idea is usually time proof. And it’s a good idea to reintroduce that good idea to a brand new generation of viewers. However, if that good idea was to be branded a “classic,” then remaking that good idea could turn into a very bad idea. Speaking of bad ideas, even they get remade. And sometimes that’s a good idea too, that is if that original bad idea somehow morphs into a good idea over time while marinating in nostalgia and pop-culture references.

Here’s a good idea, how about I just review the new Footloose movie.

When reviewing a film it’s best to let it stand on its own merit, without holding it up to past films of its genre. But with remakes, that becomes nearly impossible. The whole reason they get remade in the first place is to try and tap into the success of the originals by dusting off and updating previously lucrative scripts. But why in the name of The Solid Gold Dancers would anyone remake Footloose? Sure it’s a classic, but it’s a classic for all the wrong reasons – a ludicrous story, bad acting from now very respected actors, an unforgettable soundtrack and some iconic scenes that push an easy 10.5 on the Velveeta scale. Actually with that being said, perhaps the question should be, how can you not remake Footloose? Attempting to remake a true classic like Arthur or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is quite dangerous, loyal fanbases are extremely sensitive. Select the wrong actor, skew the story too much or fail to revive the intangible aura from the original and it’s an instant disaster ready to mar the careers of all involved. But even a halfway competent crew, writers, and director could improve upon the film responsible for the two degrees of separation between Kevin Bacon and everyone who’s ever been on Sex and the City, couldn’t they?

It’s obvious Director Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow) was a big fan of not only the original film but its entire era as well. Brewer captures a specific quality with his new Footloose that’s becoming more and more scarce in films ever since the 1980s. It’s a feeling that most people don’t even know was missed until experiencing it once again. Footloose is not a film, it’s a movie. Somewhere along the way Hollywood started only producing either great films or mediocre to sub-par movies. The film industry seems to be mimicking our polarizing economy, fading out the middle class. What happened to the movie’s movie? You just go to the theater and enjoy yourself, not having to analyze everything so seriously, the story is coherent, the characters are enjoyable, and the writing is solid enough with some good laughs thrown in. Movies like Short Circuit, Dirty Dancing and Can’t Buy Me Love, are not great films, but they are great movies. With Footloose though, the laughable plot has always kept the original film on the awesomely-bad shelf. And in 2011, a story about a town in the United States where dancing is against the law would be viewed as infinitely more ridiculous. But is it really? Is it more ridiculous than not being able to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket? Because that’s illegal in Alabama. Is it more ridiculous than declaring that dogs are not allowed to bark after 6pm? That’s on the books in Arkansas. And to propel Footloose into the “based on a true story” faction, in Delaware alcohol may not be served in nightclubs if dancing is occurring on the premises at the same time. Upon entering the screening of this film I too had the same concerns about the believability of a town in the United States in 2011 where dancing is illegal. Then I was told I would be arrested if caught with my cell phone out during the screening.

For good or bad, part of the original Footloose’s memory burn is the performance of a very young Kevin Bacon. In this new version, Kenny Wormald, a dancer since the age of 6, possesses that same raw charisma. In his first big-time acting role, Wormald’s inexperience does come through, but it’s obvious there’s a very talented actor underneath. Though in this reprised role as Ren MacCormack, his novice status works in his favor, resembling the fresh-faced and inexperienced Bacon.

Another dancer turned actor, Julianne Hough proves she was hired for more than just her looks and footwork. Hough and Wormald have pretty good chemistry on screen and it doesn’t hurt that they are both 10 times more talented in the dancing category than their original film counterparts.

But the habitual scene-stealer in this movie has to be Miles Teller (Rabbit Hole) as Ren’s rhythmically challenged friend Willard. Reprising and actually elevating the role from the late Chris Penn, Teller exudes instant likeability, delivering comedic lines with great timing and exhibiting the most polished performance amongst the younger members of the cast.

As for Dennis Quaid (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) in the role of Rev. Moore, he’s in a no-win situation. There are few who can go toe to toe with John Lithgow (Dexter, Footloose - 1984) especially when he’s the antagonist. But Quaid is certainly no lightweight himself, and if anything he actually brings more heart to the preacher character, possibly making his stance on the issues in the story more relatable to the audience.

The writing in the new Footloose may be mediocre at best, and the story certainly bangs the same drum for the entire movie, but those factors are secondary to the overall euphoric and nostalgic tone produced so accurately from an increasingly revered time period in film making. The dance scenes are unsurprisingly a stratosphere level more sophisticated than in the original and the great soundtrack is still in place, with only slight modifications. Also, it’s nice to see a remake that is actually a remake in the literal sense of the word. Footloose still follows the same exact storyline, has all of the most memorable scenes (yes even the warehouse dance solo) and Brewer integrates satisfying nods to some of the more cheese laced moments from the 1984 film without having to resort to obvious spoofing or parody.

As far as remakes go, 2011’s Footloose is one that actually builds upon the original source material, which may surprisingly be even more poignant today than it was 25 years ago. However, its biggest achievement is not the remaking of a story as much as it is the remaking of a style.

Story: 7.0
Acting: 7.0
Writing: 6.5
Captivation: 7.5
Replay Value: 7.5

Total = 7.1 out of 10

Moneyball

2011-09-22T09:51:00.003-04:00

Over the last decade there’s no doubt that football has superceded baseball and solidified itself as the most popular sport in the country. However, in the world of film America’s pastime still reigns supreme, carrying the lion’s share of great sports stories. It is perhaps due to what some consider to be baseball’s greatest weaknesses, such as lack of action and focus on the individual, that gives writers the ability to produce unparalleled screenplays in the genre. Moneyball is a different kind of sports film, which moves the story away from the stadium field and into its back offices. And even though it’s a baseball film primarily about payrolls, trading players and number crunching, the story still manages to keep the game at its heart, stating very poignantly “How can you not romanticize about baseball?”

Based on the book by Michael Lewis published in 2003, Moneyball centers around the story of Billy Beane (Brad Pitt, Troy, Fight Club), general manager of the Oakland Athletics Major League Baseball franchise. Tired of building up a roster only to watch players flee from Oakland for larger markets and bigger paychecks, Beane searches for a new philosophy on how to construct a competitive team with the limited finances he has available. While discussing player trades in Cleveland, Beane notices top executives listening to the advice whispered by one very young employee, Peter Brand (Jonah Hill, Get Him to the Greek, Superbad). Beane corners Brand and amusingly interrogates him on just why a room full of highly paid "experts" are listening to a young kid who sits in a cubicle. After Brand explains he is a student of a new system using computers and overlooked statistics to evaluate a players true worth, Beane hires him to work as the assistant general manager for the Oakland A’s. The new philosophy spits directly in the face of experienced scouts and their historic methods for choosing players. When heavy criticism for signing players no other team would touch floods in from fans and media, Beane finds himself out on a limb with nothing in his corner but his convictions and Brand.

Much like he did with The Social Network, co-writer Aaron Sorkin is able to squeeze the drama out of the proverbial rock. Since this is a sports film more about the business of sports than the game itself, Sorkin's tone works flawlessly, amplifying the main character to make it seem like Beane's world is spinning 10 miles faster than everyone else around him. Furthermore, the brilliant intertwining of Beane's short-lived playing career throughout the story adds a compelling layer to the character, bringing the audience into Beane's mind and embodying his passionate drive to succeed.

Much like the baseball players in Moneyball, Brad Pitt has always been undervalued himself as an actor. Sure he's a superstar, but his pure talent has always come in second to his Hollywood persona. Moneyball should be a major step in reversing that trend, not to say Pitt has a shortage of fantastic performances already in his gallery. Roles like Tyler Durden in Fight Club and Lt. Aldo Raine in Inglorious Basterds may even present twice the challenge than playing someone like Billy Beane, but it's as Beane where for the first time Brad Pitt the superstar dissolves and only the character remains. Through simple inflection of his dialogue, Pitt enables the audience to feel the absolute angst and pressure of Beane’s situation and allows the viewer to erase the surface scenario of Brad Pitt trying to run a Major League Baseball team.

Also turning in a bar-setting performance is Jonah Hill as Beane’s assistant Peter Brand. Hill has managed to merge his awkward, undertone, deadpan humor into a great dramatic performance without having to sell himself short. Even though the character of Brand employs an intellect level which most people cannot relate to, Hill portrays him with an instant likeability and someone extremely easy to root for. Hill's chemistry with Pitt comes off as genuine and evolves at a real-world pace throughout the story. Hill is also responsible for a high percentage of the film's comedic moments which are able to mirror more of a real-life quality and refrain from going over-the-top to try and manufacture a laugh.

Other great actors like Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote) as the A’s manager Art Howe and Robin Wright (The Princess Bride) as Beane’s ex-wife Sharon round out the supporting cast, but the heart of the lineup are the actors who portrayed some of the real-life baseball players. Chris Pratt (Take Me Home Tonight) who plays pitcher Scott Hatteberg and Stephen Bishop (Friday Night Lights) as all-star David Justice, respectively insert very different angles of the player's perspective to what Beane was trying to accomplish.

Much like the concept of Moneyball itself, the film has been heavily criticized before it’s even had a chanced to be viewed. Many avid sports fans have lambasted the premise of a sports film being made about a system that supposedly failed. That premise could not be more of a fallacy as the film illustrates very prophetically that sometimes in life you can hit a home run and not even know it.

Story: 9.0
Acting: 9.5
Writing: 10.0
Captivation: 9.5
Replay Value: 8.5

Total = 9.3 out of 10

Seven Days in Utopia

2011-09-01T14:46:00.002-04:00

Just about everyone loves a great sports film. Actually, just about everyone loves even a decent sports film. Even the most casual fanatic’s DVD collection will probably contain at least a copy of Rocky. Sports is a drama all its own, but once it’s magnified on the big screen, it allows for all the minute details that get overlooked in a live broadcast to take center stage. The game of golf is one of the sports that lend itself to great story telling because of its intangibles. It’s one of the most intimate games ever invented; a single person’s battle against the field of play and themselves. A few films that have portrayed this internal conflict brilliantly are Tin Cup and The Legend of Bagger Vance. Seven Days in Utopia may only have had a “hole in one’s” chance to throw itself into that league, but any outside shot vanished three quarters of the way through the film when the writers dumped the golf aspect in favor of an infomercial for God.

Luke Chisholm (Lucas Black, Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift) is an up and coming golfer new to the pro tour. During one tournament, he has a very public meltdown on the course and his father/caddy ends up walking out on him during play. Embarrassed, he drives to the middle of nowhere and accidentally drives his car off the road in the very small town of Utopia. There he meets Johnny Crawford (Robert Duvall, Get Low, The Godfather) a one-time pro golfer himself who takes an instant liking to Chisholm and offers to mentor his golf game by teaching him the need of balance in other areas of life.

Sounds at least watchable right? Surely not an original idea but it’s a sports movie with Bobby D acting as a Mr. Miyagi type golf guru, illustrating to Black’s character how to improve his golf swing by taking part in other activities like painting, fly fishing and piloting a small aircraft. The film does come off a little like a Family Channel movie of the week, but the golf seems to be very authentic and detailed information on the mechanics of the sport gives the characters credibility. Duvall and Black’s characters are well thawed out but the supporting cast is mostly just background noise, and a waste of time for an actress like Melissa Leo (The Fighter) who plays Crawford’s best friend Lily. Crawford’s alternative takes on golf are somewhat interesting and Duvall has an amazing ability to gain the immediate trust of the audience. Black has a very limited acting range but he too has that “innocent small-town folk” thing down cold, and plays off of Duvall’s character for just the right chemistry needed.

However then the third act starts and the vacation is over. Yes, the writers hope you enjoyed your stay in Utopia, but now it’s time to sell you that timeshare. And by timeshare I mean God. At least the blatant Callaway endorsements that wallpaper this film are bearable, as sponsorships are a big part of the sport, but when a film flat out abandons its own story to preach a life involving God, integrity has left the theater. Seven Days in Utopia does open by displaying a verse from the Bible, which could be taken as completely innocuous, but then doesn’t mention the subject again until the audience finds themselves swimming in it, looking around for a life saver from Noah.

Normally, the most egregious act a writer can make in a film review is to give away important story elements or, as they are called, “spoilers.” However, this is more of a “buyers beware.” A night out for a family of four to the movies is anything but cheap these days, and before anyone slides their credit card under the ticket window they have at least the right to know what kind of film they’re getting into. Anyone not of the same religious beliefs will be immediately alienated and pulled out of the story when the film becomes baptized, and it should also infuriate moviegoers who thought they had been watching a story about the game of golf.

Duvall’s character spends 80% of the film trying to improve Chisholm’s golf game and then in one fall swoop explains that results or making a put doesn’t even matter. Well maybe that’s true in church or a bible verse, but this started out as a sports film where the ending does matter. Unfortunately the writers decided that the ending was so insignificant compared to their message that they decided to not include it in the actual film at all. Like a GoDaddy.com commercial, the audience is directed to a website to view the conclusion of the story and no doubt some more “life messages.”

What’s incredibly ironic and hypocritical is that a film with a message of the importance of God in one’s life is lacking in the area of honesty. If the writers wanted to present how the lack of God’s presence in Chisholm’s life was detrimental, then the story needed to have more intricate comparisons. Just stating that there are more important aspects of life is weak and lazy, the story needed examples in the character’s backstory as to why this is justified or some kind of conflict within the story itself to make the character realize that life is more than just about winning, instead Chisholm just continually flashes back to moments with his overbearing father and conforms to Crawford’s preaching like he’s just been “healed” by a TV evangelist. In The Legend of Bagger Vance, the subject of God is alluded to, even Will Smith’s character is assumed to be some kind of angel or holy spirit, but the film never derails itself from it’s subject, the game of golf. Seven Days in Utopia could easily have been about bowling as much as it was about golf because its main agenda is not to tell a sports’ story, but instead to convey that people need God in their life.

At least when you get a knock at the door early Sunday morning you know what you’re in for if you answer. But if they were to start using legendary actors like Robert Duvall . . . well that’s just dirty pool.

Story: 4.0
Acting: 6.5
Writing: 5.0
Captivation: 6.0
Replay Value: 3.0

Total = 4.9 out of 10

30 Minutes or Less

2011-08-11T17:15:00.003-04:00

Comedies may not be held in the highest regard when it comes to film prestige, but ask any accomplished screenwriter and they’ll most likely tell you that it’s the most difficult genre to triumph. “Funny” is not a switch that can just be flipped on. Unlike drama, romance, or even horror, comedy is more of a skill than it is an emotion. And even when writers and actors who are very proficient in said skill conglomerate on a project, it still does not guarantee success, ie Grown Ups. 30 Minutes or Less doesn’t quite achieve that monumental low, but it’s also certainly not going to be the film that convinces The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences to finally add the yearned after “Best Comedy” category any time soon.

Nick (Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network) is a pizza delivery guy at what must be the last remaining pizzeria on Earth that guarantees delivery in 30 minutes or less. Full of potential, as most delivery guys are, Nick has watched his best friend Chet (Aziz Ansari, Parks and Recreation) and Chet’s sister Kate (Dilshad Vadsaria, Greek), whom Nick is also in love with, pass him by in their respective careers. When Nick makes a not-so-routine delivery to a junkyard, he is accosted by Dwayne (Danny McBride, Eastbound and Down) and Travis (Nick Swardson, Grandma’s Boy), two suburban terrorists who make homemade explosives from Internet directions and plot the demise of Dwayne’s father so they can inherit his lottery winnings. Needing fast cash to pay the hitman for the job, Dwayne and Travis bound Nick with an explosives vest and tell him he has to rob a bank and bring back the money before the clock runs out or . . . Boom! Panicked and fearful of remote detonation, Nick cannot go to the police and enlists the help of Chet, whom he has just had a falling out with over a secret relationship with his sister.

This film’s premise is actually not as improbable as it sounds. There have been documented cases where real people have been strapped with explosives and forced to follow a maniac’s demands. However, it’s the execution (more puns to come) of the plot where this film loses its grasp on reality. Not that reality was the targeted goal of director Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland) to begin with, but much too calm and nonchalant tones in stressful and dangerous situations are more valuable when clashed with equally over-the-top scenarios, such as a zombie outbreak. When it’s in a “real-world” setting, like in this film, the comedy just seems goofy and unrealistic.

What saves this film from being labeled a complete bomb (there’s another one) are the performances of two of its cast members. Jesse Eisenberg emits his usual “too smart for the room” smugness and he does have good comedic timing, but it’s Aziz Ansari that really demonstrates who’s the professional comedian in the room. Ansari is just naturally funny even if the dialogue isn’t. His speech pattern and emphasis on words really sells some of the jokes and turns a few scenes around that seem to be headed towards self destruction (ding).

The other spotlight is on Michael Pena (Observe and Report) as Chango the hitman. Pena has the uncanny ability to transform from cool, laid-back teddy bear to gangbanging throat ripper in the blink of an eye, and all the while keeps the audience laughing.

Where the real comedy meat and potatoes of this film is advertised is in veteran funny guys Danny McBride and Nick Swardson. Unfortunately, they’re used mostly as a plot device, solely to place Nick and Chet in varying degrees of danger. There are a handful of amusing scenes between the two where ad-libbing may have replaced the script, but for the most part McBride and Swardson are more filler than they are funny. McBride rips himself off with a carbon copying of his Kenny Powers character from Eastbound and Down and Swardson takes his familiar role as the backseat sidekick, which has only weakened film by film ever since his breakout performance as Jeff in Grandma’s Boy. Sadly, a great opportunity was squandered with the duo, as this film provided the perfect outlet for them to break their type cast. A more interesting and funny approach would have been if they switched parts, with Swardson portraying an overbearing and abrasive character and McBride taking on the somewhat smarter, and meek cohort.

30 Minutes or Less does manage to deliver some original and witty dialogue and will probably be a fine addition to many Netflix queues in the coming months, but even with a runtime of only 83 minutes, the film’s title is still an unfortunate, ironic depiction to the extent of comedy you’ll see.

Story: 5.0
Acting: 6.5
Writing: 6.0
Captivation: 5.0
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 5.8 out of 10

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

2011-08-05T17:06:00.002-04:00

The complete and total destruction of humanity, not a pleasant thought. Unless of course you’re talking about 100 percent pure movie entertainment! No matter how many times we blow ourselves up, let our technology enslave us or get wiped out by aliens, audiences never seem to tire of a good old fashion apocalypse. Even if its inception is over 40 years old, moviegoers will flock to see that idea reworked in a modern era. The only thing better than a classic end-of-the-world story is a current end-of-the-world story. It seems that script writers have run out of ideas on how to annihilate the human race, so let's go back to the granddaddy of dystopian futures and reboot Planet of the Apes . . . what’s that you say? Tim Burton already did that 10 years ago? Ok then, scratch that. If we can’t have a reboot then how about a prequel, that’s always a sure fire . . . huh? What? That was already done as well in 1972 with Conquest of the Planet of the Apes? Ha! You think you’ve won don’t you? You think there’s no way out. Well no one puts Hollywood in a corner. Behold, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, the first “re-prebootquel.” Sounds like a cold and flu medication for computers.

Will Rodman (James Franco, 127 Hours) is a genetic scientist trying to engineer a cure for Alzheimer’s disease. When an unfortunate misunderstanding with one of his ape test subjects happens at the most inopportune time, Rodman’s project is shut down. Fueled by the desire to cure his own father (John Lithgow, Dexter) of the disease, Rodman continues his studies privately with a baby chimp that was unknowingly born to the aforementioned test subject and has seemingly been passed the effects of the experimental drug through genetics. Named Caesar, the chimp’s intelligence evolves at an unprecedented rate and eventually grows beyond Rodman’s control, forcing him to leave Caesar in less than scrupulous care. Not use to being around other apes, Caesar quickly realizes that he is very different from them and must unify his species if they are to ever rise above their diminutive status.

The Planet of the Apes franchise is one of the most loved in sci-fi history. Dating back to the original 1968 timeless classic starring Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall, the series actually spawned four sequels in a five-year span that were almost uniformly condemned by critics but loved by the series' cult-like followers. Even though the original’s subsequent chapters hit far below its par, the story of apes evolving and enslaving humans is incredibly captivating, making it especially difficult to turn the channel should a marathon begin on cable television, taking you into the wee hours of the morning and causing a drastic reduction in productivity the following workday . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that.

With the newest chapter in the “Apes” saga, director Rupert Wyatt (The Escapist) intends for Rise of the Planet of the Apes, to be a complete reboot of the series and start a new continuity through anticipated sequels. However, there are many similarities and gratifying homage paid to the original series throughout the film while completely disregarding the Tim Burton 2001 reimagining, which will only upset the same group of people who hold Jar Jar Binks in high regard. Wyatt also managed to somehow capture that intangible and mesmerizing quality the first five films possessed, pushing any concerns about plot hole or character development issues far back in the mind’s eye.

Although, the most substantial facet to “Rise” may not even be fully realized until a decade from now. Much like other mile markers in the industry’s history such as Star Wars, Terminator 2, and The Matrix, Rise of the Planet of the Apes will be looked at as an evolutionary benchmark for CGI. At first sight, the effects seem slightly jarring, but midway through the film the apes begin to look flawless and interact in such a natural way that you almost forget they are computer generated. The depth of the emotion and expression in their faces is quite amazing. Advanced software and digital artists can only take half of the credit though, as Andy Serkis and other motion capture actors are the real essence of the life-like simians. Famous for his other motion capture performances as Gollum in The Lord of the Rings films and as the title character in 2005’s King Kong, the role of the protagonist chimp Caesar ironically evolves Serkis into the first real star in a new breed of actors.

Not that it matters, but there are some human characters in this film as well. While Academy Award nominees James Franco and John Lithgow are certainly nothing to shake a banana at, they might as well have been Taylor Lautne and Eric Roberts. The script uses the human characters as nothing more than plot devices to advance the apes’ story arc. Franco delivers the hallow dialogue with an even more wooden and empty delivery while the story hits the “# Years Later” button so often in the first act that the viewer barely even knows or cares about any of the human characters at all. Resultantly, this creates an even deeper connection with Caesar and the rest of the apes. During a long stretch in the second act, one may wonder if James Franco will even be in the rest of the film at all, but it captures the seclusion and abandonment felt by Caesar perfectly, crystallizing his ensuing actions.

Inarguably, the most iconic moment of the original Planet of the Apes is its legendary ending. Perhaps only a handful of films can ever match that epicness and wisely “Rise” does not even try. But it does create its own very feasible reasons for how a planet ruled by apes comes to fruition, leaving the audience with that patented ominous tone at which the original films were so skillful.

Even with its incredible technical achievements, it is very likely some, if not many, critics will label Rise of the Planet of the Apes as nothing more than another special effects extravaganza containing lousy dialogue, extremely weak characters, and pandering only to its faithful core audience.

So what’s the problem?

Story: 7.0
Acting: 7.0 (Flesh Actors 5.0, Digital Actors 9.0)
Writing: 5.5
Captivation: 8.0
Replay Value: 8.0

Total = 7.1 out of 10

Cowboys and Aliens

2011-07-29T16:49:00.005-04:00

Westerns and sci-fi films. Although most would like to forget, the two genres have crossed paths before. In 1990, Marty McFly traveled back in time to 1885 to rescue Doc Brown and bring him back to good old 1985 in the final installment of the Back to the Future series, and nine years later, Will Smith and Kevin Kline stop an ex-Confederate scientist from destroying the United States with Jon Peters’ giant pet robot spider (see An Evening with Kevin Smith for Jon Peters reference) in Wild Wild West. With those two films heavily panned by critics and moviegoers, it takes another flash forward to 2011 before director Jon Favreau’s Cowboys and Aliens wrangles up Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig to fight off an alien invasion in an attempt to triumph over those two aforementioned films and crown an undisputed champion in this spliced category. Not exactly a hard fight to win, but disappointingly Cowboys and Aliens only manages to walk away with a TKO.

Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig, Casino Royale) wakes up in the desert with no memory of who he is or where he’s been. A strange mechanical bracelet is locked to his left wrist and everyone is trying to capture or kill him for being a wanted man. As he tries to piece together his fragmented brain, he settles in a small upstart town where a man named Woodrow Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford, Extraordinary Measures) is the backbone of the economy. When Dolarhyde hears that Lonergan is in his town, he seeks retribution for crimes supposedly perpetrated by Lonergan, who cannot remember if he is guilty of such accusations. Everything then comes to a standstill as flying machines invade the town and snatch up townspeople like they are cattle. The aliens’ presence activates Lonergan’s bracelet and proves to be the only weapon capable of substantial firepower against them. The cowboys put away their differences amongst one another and their human adversaries to fight a common enemy as they try to rescue their loved ones and rid themselves of this new and deadly threat.

If actor/director Jon Favreau ever lived in the old west himself, he would certainly never be labeled as “yella.” Whether you’re a fan of his work or not, the guy takes plenty of gambles in his career, which so far have paid off in spades. In his latest “double down,” Favreau tries to successfully mesh a serious western with a science fiction, extra terrestrial flick.

In a microcosm, Cowboys and Aliens is the Citizen Kane of this Frankenstein genre. The film actually does convey the tone of a serious western before all of the alien madness begins. The only problem is that Favreau might have opened the film too well. The aliens seem to have ruined what could have been an even better movie. Great westerns rest heavily on deep and rich characters and intense nerve-racking standoffs, whether they are exchanging bullets, words, or even glares. With its first-class cast, this film has the inherent components to pull off such a story, but just when things start to get good, aliens show up with their photon guns blazing and erase all the great, pent-up drama. Instead of propelling each other, the colliding of these two genres inhibits either one from ever reaching their apex, like an infinite game of tic-tac-toe.

The plot drags slowly through the middle as the two genres intertwine, culminating in a more violent Independence Day-esque type of climax. The script takes more and more liberties as to just how vulnerable the aliens are to the cowboys’ gunfire, wavering in believability on just how effective a small army can be against such a technologically and physically advanced species. And although very plausible, the entire reason for the alien’s presence on Earth is explained in a very lazy manner.

In a purely visual aspect, the aliens are surprisingly original. Creating a monstrous alien that actually raises the brow of jaded audiences is a victory in itself. They are actually scary, noting specifically that they are not the cookie cutter, faceless, oversized reptiles that have become the default in the industry. They’re able evoke fear through expression as well as physical prowess.

The only thing that stops a film with a title like Cowboys and Aliens from getting thrown right into the “straight to DVD” pile is when names like Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford are attached to it. Craig and Ford have chemistry on screen together without even saying a word. It’s almost a shame that the duo had to team up to fight aliens instead of playing out their original conflict. Ford plays a different kind of hero in this film, one that the audience is never quite sure they even like until the very end. And few actors say as much with a blank expression as Daniel Craig, which works phenomenally in a western or action setting. He’s just got that intangible badass tone to him and he actually says more with less dialogue.

The supporting cast is filled with actors that would have been great characters but did not get enough screen time due to the whole fighting aliens thing, including Olivia Wilde (Tron: Legacy) as Ella Swenson, Sam Rockwell (Iron Man 2) as Doc, Keith Carradine (Dexter) as Sheriff Taggart, Paul Dano (Knight and Day) as Percy Dolarhyde and Clancy Brown (The Shawshank Redemption) as Preacher Meacham. They all get pigeon crumbs of backstory, which does add to the plot, but overall these characters feel mostly hallow and incomplete.

Cowboys and Aliens may be its own worst enemy, but it’s still intriguing to watch two of the most classic categories of characters in the history of film interact. And even with all of its flaws, in no way is the film a lost cause. It just comes off as more of a prototype. Perhaps after this type of film is reworked over and over again, it would evolve into something really incredible, scaling back the alien presence and using it only to further enhance an already powerful western storyline.

Story: 6.5
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 6.5
Captivation: 6.5
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 6.7 out of 10

Captain America: The First Avenger

2011-07-25T10:15:00.001-04:00

Mascots, war bonds and comic book characters are just a few of the many symbols created during the WWII era in an effort to raise the hopes and morale of Americans. One of the most famous examples is the Uncle Sam “I Want You” posters, and even Superman was thrown into the war with some of the Fleischer cartoons. But the award for the most blatant example of pro-American WWII pop culture would have to go to Captain America. Dressed like a big American flag and fashioned with a bold letter “A” right on the top of his head, the character was immensely popular during the Nazi fighting days of the early ‘40’s. However, as the war concluded so did the clamoring for super heroes, particularly Cap himself. But when it comes to characters in soap operas and comic books, never say, “die.” Just like in his own storyline, Captain America has once again been resurrected. No, it wasn’t being thawed out from a big block of ice that led to the character’s resurgence, this time around it was something even more frigid and unforgiving . . . Hollywood.

Steve Rodgers is a nebbish of man with the heart of a gladiator. Wanting nothing more than to do his part for America in the war effort of the early 1940’s, Rodgers goes as far as to falsify information of his background so he can apply at multiple recruiting centers, only to be perpetually rejected due to his diminutive stature. Refusing to quit, his determination is noticed by Dr. Abraham Erskine, a scientist heading a top-secret program to create the perfect super soldier. Lacking physical attributes but gifted with all of the mental requirements, Rodgers is offered the position of test subject by Dr. Erskine. The experiment transforms Rodgers exterior to match his interior, manifesting in the perfect physical specimen of human ability.

Captain America: The First Avenger is the final stepping stone to Marvel Studios’ incredibly ambitious and unprecedented The Avengers project. Although, director Joe Johnston (The Wolfman, The Rocketeer) made sure that this film was more than just propaganda material. Borrowing from his creative pool during his days on The Rocketeer, Johnston once again sets the quintessential tone of the WWII era by breathing life and a third dimension into Norman Rockwellesque illustrations while still maintaining the ambience already established by the previous Marvel films in The Avengers continuity.

The writing in this film might be unfairly and ironically criticized for sounding like something out of a comic book. However there is a big difference between bad and purposeful dialogue. The script of this film resembles the latter, what could be mistaken for lazy or cheesy writing actually emulates a simpler time period where actions spoke much louder than words. Also, the method in which Captain America is first used by the Army is very clever and poignant to the period, not to mention mirroring the main reason the comic book character was created in the early ‘40s to begin with. The story definitely feels a little frantic in the 2nd act with what seems to be a rushed storyline by way of montage, but Johnston’s intention was to mimic the quick pace of the old-time newsreels that appeared before films in movie theaters of that era. Unfortunately, more of that footage should have focused on Captain America learning how to use his new abilities and wield his shield properly, à la Tony Stark in the first Iron Man film. Instead Rodgers is just inherently able to fight flawlessly and toss the shield around like he’s been doing it all his life. All is forgiven though with the very entertaining 3rd act that invokes some real emotion and pulls the audience deep into the film just in time for its conclusion.

Chris Evans (The Losers, Fantastic Four) may not be the Captain America equivalent of actors, but he does bring the inherent heart needed to fill the role. Incredibly endearing, he embodies the pureness of the character and exerts believability to Cap’s personality. Lines like “I don’t want to kill anybody, I just don’t like bullies,” are definitely cheese infused to the point where Pizza Hut would like to throw it on their menu, but Evans delivers them with conviction, as if he was actually portraying a character from a comic book. Imagine that!

Evans also had the advantage of some crazy-good supporting actors around him, including Stanley Tucci (The Devil Wears Prada, The Terminal) as Dr. Erskine and Tommy Lee Jones (The Company Men, No Country for Old Men) as Colonel Chester Phillips, the stereotypical hard ass career Army man played with the meticulously precise amount of deadpan humor that few other actors can portray.

Howard Stark, the father of Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, also appears in this film and is an integral plot piece played with just the right amount of demur by Dominic Cooper (The Devil’s Double, Mama Mia). It’s no mistake that Howard Stark is Tony’s father, but Cooper is able to play the role without going into an all out Robert Downey Jr. impression, giving the character his own unique personality.

The Red Skull has to be one of the most evil characters in the Marvel Universe, not only does he want to enslave the entire world but he’s a Nazi to boot. There may only be a handful of actors that can match the intensity needed for such a character, Hugo Weaving (Lord of the Rings, The Matrix) would definitely be a prime candidate. Weaving, whose real name may actually be more intimidating than the villains he portrays, delivers his lines with diction so perfect that it actually becomes unnerving. The Red Skull is also one of the most challenging characters visually that Marvel has ever brought to life. Weaving’s makeup for his character was perfect, some might even say too perfect. The effects on the Red Skull looked very smooth, shying away from the grotesque shock value like that of Aaron Eckhart’s Two Face in The Dark Knight. But for the tone of this film, the production designers chose wisely. That kind of realism would feel out of place in the more stylized and lighter Marvel films. The Red Skull still looked very convincing, much like the character was transposed right out of the pages of the comics themselves.

Other visual effects in this film range from the “not quite ready” to “standout brilliant.” As astonishing as it is to see Chris Evans’ emaciated face on an even more emaciated body before Rodgers goes through the super serum experiment, there are some instances where it just looks a little off, particularly when he speaks. Then there are other scenes when it is rendered flawlessly and the phrase, “how the hell did they do that” rushes through the viewers mind. Overall the effect works more than it doesn’t and is only used for part of the first act anyway.

Another production quality that impresses is the final costume donned by Captain America. It’s probably one of the best movie costumes ever made for a comic book character. Not only does it pop off the screen like it’s made out of living watercolors, but it remains very functional and appropriate for the time period.

Captain America: The First Avenger definitely reaps the benefits of being part of The Avengers hype machine, but as a standalone film it’s the best Marvel Studios has produced since the original Iron Man. It might even be strong enough that after all the hoopla of The Avengers is over, moviegoers will still get in line to see Captain America throw his mighty shield a few more times.

Story: 6.5
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 7.0
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 7.5

Total = 7.1 out of 10

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

2011-07-15T18:14:00.003-04:00

“Unprecedented” and “epic.” Terms that are attributed far too casually in today’s pop culture but remain the embodiment of what the tale of “the boy who lived” has accomplished over the past decade. But no matter how amazing, how grand or at what heights a saga can climb, it will only ever be as strong as its climatic conclusion. This is the heavy burden carried by Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.

Resuming very near the instant where Deathly Hallows Part 1 closed, Harry, Hermione and Ron continue on their mission to destroy the remaining horcruxes of Lord Voldemort in an effort to make him vulnerable. With very little to go on and still piecing together the significance of the Deathly Hallows, the trio make their way back to Hogwarts to confront the now Headmaster Snape and take back the school. With each horcrux Harry destroys, Voldemort becomes more unhinged and he sets out to kill Harry once and for all.

Director David Yates (Deathly Hallows Part 1, Half-Blood Prince, Order of the Phoenix) masterfully and slowly gradients his way out from the jarring, ominous tone he set in Deathly Hallows Part 1. Largely due to the main three characters emerging from their seclusion and the reappearance of the very important supporting cast, including the Hogwarts School itself. Even in its dark state, seeing the school again was extremely comforting after the manic transgressions of Deathly Hallows Part 1. Which may be where some reviews of “Part 1” were slightly short sighted, present writer slightly culpable. The exclusion of Harry from his friends, teachers and the school in “Part 1” is an integral component of what makes “Part 2” so powerful, but even more important, it may be the key to fully understanding one of the dullest, interesting, vanilla, complex characters ever created, Harry Potter himself.

I’m going to break my own rule of not writing in the first person for this review. Much like a narrator in a film like The Shawshank Redemption or Fight Club, the tactic only works if it truly adds depth and meaning that could not be achieved otherwise. I feel the need for this because I now believe that I have been something that I definitely do not like to admit being. That thing would be “wrong.” I’ve been wrong about the character of Harry Potter for seven films. I’ve had expectations that I had no right to presume, I’ve been advocating and petitioning for this character to act in a way he was never meant to act. I was not alone in my frustrations, and I take zero responsibility, no way, of course not. I was tricked, bamboozled, run amuck, led astray. I didn’t land on Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hogwarts landed on me! The realization that I’ve been so wrong is what sets the Potter "chosen one" saga apart from all others. Not because I’m a “know it all,” although that accusation has been cast my way more than a few times, but because being wrong about Harry, putting pressure on him, waiting for him to do something that is completely beyond his abilities, is exactly what the character feels in the story. I’m just another outsider, thinking this boy is “the chosen one,” waiting for his legend to come to fruition and defeat an all-powerful dark lord. Harry Potter is not Neo nor is he Luke Skywalker. He is simply a boy who was born into an impossible situation, trying to save the world even though he has no business doing so. This is not to say Harry does not have special abilities above all others as it becomes quite clear in this film why he has been so often compared to his mother Lily throughout the series.

Aside from the great storytelling, witty dialogue, and perfect chemistry you’d expect from actors that have been on the same job together for a decade, there are two standout performances in this finale. No, it’s not the nervous courage of Daniel Radcliffe as Harry or the immersive hopelessness once again perfected by Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort, this time around its Rupert Grint’s Ron and Alan Rickman’s Snape who exhibit the welcome evolution of a stronger and a vulnerable side respectively at symphonic moments in the story arc.

Deathly Hallows Part 2 also embraces a much grander Return of the King or Return of the Jedi experience, but makes sure to still spotlight smaller characters, which are so important to the drive behind Harry’s purpose. A good portion of the plot focuses on revealing the answers to many of the questions that fans who have only seen the films have had for many years, but the script is able to incorporate them into the story naturally to avoid feelling like a Wizarding World version of "This Is Your Life." Readers of the books, who will undoubtedly tell you every single thing that was left out or changed whether you elicit the information from them or not, should also be very fulfilled. Of course that’s taking into account they have enough inherent logic to comprehend if the films were a direct transcript of the books, we would still be awaiting the release of “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: Part 3”

So with the triumph of Deathly Hallows Part 2, the question can finally be seriously debated, is the "Harry Potter Saga" the greatest film franchise of all time? Perhaps, perhaps not. It’s not really a question that would have had a definite answer whether this film emulated The Empire Strikes Back or Howard The Duck. The real achievement is that the franchise is now in the argument. Although, during such discussions an ironic parallel will undoubtedly and maybe even unknowingly be drawn to its title character. Against titans like Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Rocky, and The Godfather, advocates of Harry Potter will shout at the top of their lungs that it is easily the greatest film saga of all time and cannot be defeated. Detractors will claim the “Potter” films have no business being uttered in the same breath as those franchises. Others may even placate that they are greatly misunderstood, or say that they had so much potential to be greater than they are.

Before this film, if I had heard an argument such as that I would have aligned myself with one of those facets and fought for it vehemently. Now I would simply say . . .

Brilliant.

Story: 8.0
Acting: 8.5
Writing: 8.0
Captivation: 8.5
Replay Value: 8.5

Total = 8.3 out of 10

Friends with Benefits

2011-06-30T09:03:00.001-04:00

A mainstream film career is about as stable as a Dubai skyscraper made out of Jenga bricks. Choosing the wrong script at the wrong time could result in a very narrow selection of offers that come into an agent’s office, which may or may not involve a commercial for a free credit report or STD medication. Inversely though, nailing that perfect role at just the right stage in a career can make selecting future projects like choosing a favorite flavor at Baskin Robins.

Justin Timberlake, would you like that in a cup or cone?

In the film Friends with Benefits, Dylan (Justin Timberlake, Bad Teacher, The Social Network) is a very talented art director for a small but high-traffic internet blog based in Los Angeles. Jamie (Mila Kunis, Black Swan, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) is a Fortune 500 headhunter trying to lure Dylan to New York for a position at GQ Magazine. As Jamie leads Dylan on an NYC seduction tour, they discover a mutual account of failure with past relationships. As their friendship thrives, they decide to add sex into the equation by removing all of the complicating factors that have previously plagued them, only to find out that life doesn’t take too kindly to simplicity.

This is the film that transforms Justin Timberlake from a musician who dabbles in acting to an actor who started out as a musician. Possibly stepping onto the yellow brick road leading to the great and powerful career of Will Smith, Timberlake shows he’s more than just a character actor and doesn’t need a Cup ’O Soup costume or a box strapped to his waist to be genuinely funny. As he’s shown time and time again, his complete lack of an inflated ego prevents even someone who has an “I hate Mickey Mouse Club boy band members who dated a pop star and got ‘Punked’ by Ashton Kutcher on national television” bumper sticker from disliking him. And as the story surprisingly develops a third dimension, Timberlake also gets to show off his previously established dramatic capabilities as well, this time adding in authentic transitions from funny to serious and back again in the same scene. Notoriously known as a perfectionist, a small drawback to Timberlake’s performance is that some scenes come off as a bit too rehearsed, which makes the dialogue sound more like it’s being remembered than created organically by the character. As he takes on more of these roles it would be advantageous for Timberlake to ever so slightly emulate more of a relaxed deadpan demeanor, a la Paul Rudd (Dinner for Schmucks, Role Models)

Co-starring in the female lead is Mila Kunis who extends her acting range yet another notch with Jamie, a character who is once again very different from any of her previous roles. Kunis already had a substantial background in comedy well before this film from her sitcom days on That 70’s Show and The Family Guy. Her timing has honed over the years and the ability to be funny without a concrete punch line has enhanced. Most impressively though, she always manages to maintain what seems to be a resonance of herself throughout her characters and commands attention anytime she’s on screen with her undeniable beauty.

Not that they needed it, but backing up the two stars is a “Murderer’s Row” of a supporting cast. The film is peppered with great actors and six degrees of Timberlake and Kunis cameos that actually add more to the story than just familiar faces. Characters who in most films would be used as a simple plot device or background noise are actually thawed out and provide the story with deeper content. But the two that really stand out amongst the stacked lineup are Woody Harrelson (Zombieland) as Dylan’s GQ co-worker Tommy, and Richard Jenkins (The Visitor) as Dylan’s father, Mr. Harper.

No matter what genre of film he’s in, Harrelson ups the ante anytime he’s on screen. His abrasive character of Tommy takes a "liking" to Dylan as he spews out unwarranted relationship advice, leaving no thought unspoken. Harrelson has become the type of actor whose persona has the tendency to overshadow less experienced actors like Timberlake, but he’s also versed in how to dial it back and let the scene breathe when needed.

If Michael Jordan was a character actor, he’d be Richard Jenkins. One of the most universal and consummate father figures, Jenkins could take on the role of Chewbacca’s dad and make it believable. The scenes between Mr. Harper and Dylan are written with a heaping and profound amount of heart, and also tackle a subject matter that a zero percentage of moviegoers would expect to see in this film.

Another argument could be made that the two most important characters in the film are not even people at all. The cities of New York and Los Angeles and their Bizarro-world differences are just as much at the forefront of this film. Director and co-writer Will Gluck (Easy A) portrays the yin and yang of the cities very poignantly as the tone and even the pace of banter between characters adapts to their surrounding city. Gluck also delves bravely into some of the more awkward moments during Dylan’s and Jamie’s intimacies that do very little to bring sexy back, but absolutely do occur in most peoples’ everyday lives.

Exposed only to the trailer, one might reasonably think that Friends with Benefits is nothing more than a rom-com doppelganger of No Strings Attached. But as the story unfolds, it surprises the audience with its meaningful depth and original comedic scenarios. Also, the chemistry between Timberlake and Kunis develops naturally and at a pace that feels much more realistic than Portman and Kutcher in the aforementioned film. Simultaneously advantageous and dangerous for its genre, Friends with Benefits exemplifies just how satisfying a romantic comedy can be when the story is not cheap, flat and gratuitously aimed at only one gender.

Story: 8.0
Acting: 8.0
Writing: 8.0
Captivation: 8.0
Replay Value: 8.0

Total = 8.0 out of 10

Bad Teacher

2011-06-23T17:20:00.004-04:00

In today’s media overdosed and jaded society, the shock value of uncensored material has definitely been diluted by sources like cable television and the Internet. However, the “R” film rating still holds some gravitas, especially when it comes to comedy. Back in the 1980’s the box office was inundated with these types of films, but as the quality decreased so did audiences appetite for them. 1998’s There’s Something About Mary is the film credited most with reinvigorating the genre, and over the past decade the R-rated comedy has made a strong comeback. However, anytime something makes a resurgence it’s bound to go through its ups and downs all over again. Since “Mary’s” genesis there have been highs like Wedding Crashers and The Hangover but also films like Miss March and Take Me Home Tonight, which died a quicker death than Michael Richards' stand-up career. Of course these are just the polar extremes, most of what is produced lies somewhere in between. For better or worse, this is the space where Cameron Diaz, the title actor from the ensemble cast of “Mary,” now finds her own R-rated comedy vehicle Bad Teacher, securely parked.

Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz, Knight and Day) is a public school teacher for all the wrong reasons. An amoral, selfish opportunist who is constantly looking to hook up with any ATM with a heartbeat so she can drop her job and live the “good life.” Just as she is about to get all her greedy heart’s desires, her rich fiancée wises up to her scheme and sends her packing back to her old life, pointed tail between her legs. Looking to once again coast through the school year, making everyday “movie day” in her class, she targets her intentions on Scott Delacorte (Justin Timberlake, The Social Network), a new substitute teacher with an incredibly rich family. Noticing Scott’s taste in women with ample sized chests, Elizabeth decides to get breast enhancement surgery to try to seal the deal. Completely broke, the scrupleless teacher uses her position to raise the money by any means necessary.

Bad Teacher is about as subtle as a text message from Anthony Weiner. The film really wants the audience to know that it’s rated “R” as soon as possible, falling flat in the beginning with jokes that use swear words as their only substance. It does manage to settle down a bit in the 2nd and 3rd acts where most of the comedic endeavors flourish. The film still suffers though throughout from a lack of transitional material and abrupt editing, feeling at times more like a string of sketches woven together. Some commendable child actors in the movie do manage to stand out but were used more to simply appease the plot instead of being an intricate part of it.

The writers, Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg (The Office), style is reminiscent of their very successful sitcom work, but as most TV writers who make the transition find out, it does not work seamlessly into a feature film. Hopefully these lessons will be learned well before the duo is finished with their next project, Ghostbusters III. Big brass stars are given out though for their unyielding portrayal of Elizabeth as an irredeemable character. She does manage to learn some small life lessons, but remains genuine to her crooked nature without any fairy tale epiphanies.

Diaz’s Elizabeth, like 99 percent of the characters in Bad Teacher, is an over the top, cliché characterization. But she rides it out and becomes more believable as the film progresses. As Diaz matures in her career, she seems to be fitting nicely into a stronger female lead instead of just the pretty-face supporting character, emitting rays of personality sunshine. One can see her eventually following in the footsteps of a blooming late career similar to that of Michelle Pfeiffer.

Justin Timberlake, riding the cult following he now has from his heralded hosting jobs on Saturday Night Live, takes his first shot at a role in a full-fledged comedy. Although it’s just a limited performance, Timberlake brings the same humility from his sketch comedy to the role of Scott Delacorte, able to change speeds from dashing and charming to weird and creepy in the blink of boy band. Timberlake actually looks more at home in his movie roles than he ever did in a music video. Although it remains to be seen if he can pilot a film by himself, he should have little problem making an acting career, comedy or otherwise, out of character parts like this.

Playing the antagonist “good” teacher to Diaz’s Elizabeth is Lucy Punch (Take Me Home Tonight) as Amy Squirrel. Even though Amy is a teacher who wants nothing more than to make a difference and educate her students, Punch does a wonderful job of eliciting a definite reaction of animosity toward her character right from her first appearance on screen. The unfortunate facet of Amy is that the script uses her as more of an annoyance instead of exploring some of the more humorous and interesting episodes that are only alluded to from her past.

Russell Gettis (Jason Segal, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and Lynn Davies (Phyllis Smith, The Office) are the closest thing to reality anchors in the story. Segal does not take any monumental risks with his character of a P.E. teacher, inserting his usual lax demeanor and subliminal sarcasm. But in comedy this is not a detractor, as the rule is to stick with what works, and Segal has excelled in all of his comedic roles in film and television by pretty much just playing himself with slight personality tweaks. Smith also follows this mantra as she plays Lynn, a shyer and quirkier version of Smith’s character on The Office who’s so hard up for friends she’ll even take an exploiter like Elizabeth.

Ten years from now people are not going to be reminiscing or quoting lines from Bad Teacher. It’s never going to make anyone’s top-10 list but it shouldn’t make their bottom 10 either. Nor will the characters ever be bronzed as “classic.” But as an R-rated comedy, it does its primary job of using adult language and situations just well enough so it can underachieve and live up to the “C” student that it is.

Story: 5.5
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 6.0
Captivation: 6.5
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 6.4 out of 10

Green Lantern

2011-06-17T19:16:00.001-04:00

Over the past decade, the throne of the summer box office has no doubt been commandeered by the comic book genre. And as the till has risen from one premiere to the next, so has the eagerness of Hollywood studios to green light (pun unavoidable) feature films showcasing a deeper roster of characters. But along with that expansion also comes higher expectations from its core audience. Ever since the dawn of CGI, comic book fans have been clamoring for an FX heavy, live-action version of popular comic book hero The Green Lantern, but what would have been mind blowing as short as 5-10 years ago has already been rendered obsolete, thanks to films like The Dark Knight and Watchmen adding the caveat that character building and story now matter just as much as action and effects. Audiences have become spoiled and are now accustomed to expect at least a yeoman’s effort at a more sophisticated super hero film. Too bad for Green Lantern, its writers and director seem to long for the days of lowered expectations.

Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds, The Proposal, X-Men Origins: Wolverine) is a test fighter pilot growing up in his beloved father’s shadow. Witnessing his father’s death as a child, Jordan suppresses all inklings of fear and takes unnecessary chances with his life trying to prove his dominance over the emotion. One day after such an episode, he is suddenly transported to a crash site where a dying alien named Abin Sur (Temuera Morrison, Star Wars: Episode II, Episode III) tells him that he has been chosen to take his place among The Green Lantern Corps, a galactic protection agency that harnesses the green energy of will power from all living things in the universe. The alien bequeaths Jordan his power ring, which is capable of forming whatever constructs its wearer can imagine. Jordan must now learn to wield the ring and control his emotions as the greatest known enemy to The Corps, Parallax, continues its approach toward Earth, feeding on the yellow energy of fear.

Much like Marvel Studios recent attempt with Thor, Green Lantern is the most ambitious property of DC Comics that has been adapted into a feature film thus far. Plotlines involving characters that take the already fantastical notion of a super hero, and then expand the story away from Earth, become much more difficult to retain a sense of realism. Especially when the entire basis for Green Lantern’s abilities is that of the abstract idea of will power. This is the type of concept that usually attracts heavy reimagining in order to make the film more appealing to a broader audience. The writers certainly embodied the Lantern’s moniker of “no fear” by keeping to the source material on that issue. However, where they and director Martin Campbell (Edge of Darkness, Casino Royale) cower and hide, is by resigning to unnecessary humor and light heartedness which contributes nothing more than a transparent attempt to convey that the film is not taking itself too seriously.

The casting of Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan was heavily criticized during production of the film for that exact reason. Fans assumed that Green Lantern was going to be turned into Van Wilder with a power ring. While consummately perfect for another comic book property Reynolds is currently working on (Deadpool, 2014) fans of Green Lantern were filled with yellow energy on the thought that they’d get the same treatment for the more reserved Hal Jordan. And to some extent, they were right. This has become #1 on the “things not to do” list for making a modern comic book film. The hard-core fan base of this genre, which has proven to be a make or break factor, want these characters taken as seriously as possible. This is not to say humor should be banned, in fact, it’s absolutely necessary when dealing with such implausible components. However, when it’s used as filler and kills valuable screen time in a story that is already too big for its tights, it comes off as lazy. No one expects a story with emerald cops who patrol the galaxy with power rings and recite a cheesy oath to be as heavy as Christopher Nolan’s Batman, but at the very least it should have emulated more of an Empire Strikes Back quality and less of Attack of the Clones.

Reynolds’ performance is not without its merit though. Some moments of levity that were not so obviously contrived worked very well, and the role of a super hero is certainly agreeable with both his physical and emotional attributes. Reynolds has already proven that he is undoubtedly capable of a subdued comedic performance in films like Adventureland and The Nines. And he does get to exemplify Hal Jordan as the stoic man suppressing his fear for much of the film, but sadly the writers always felt the need to insert cheap laughs where they were not needed.

The only other notable performance in this film is that of Mark Strong (Kick Ass, Sherlock Holmes) as The Green Lantern Corps’ leader Sinestro. Even though his screen time was much too short and his character development was lodged in fast forward mode, Strong embodies the exact demeanor and arrogance needed for the character and gives fans a strong incentive to see Sinestro’s story arc come to fruition in a possible sequel.

The supporting cast in Green Lantern is about as useful as a power ring against an evil Big Bird. Jordan’s love interest Carol Ferris (Blake Lively, Gossip Girl, The Town) has almost zero chemistry with Reynolds’ character, but to be fair the backstory of Hal Jordan was never something that set the comic world on fire either. Jordan’s personal life does not have the interest or complexity of Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker. Instead of trying to crowbar in already flimsy material, there should had been more of a focus on the relationship and rivalry between Jordan and Sinestro, of which the script barely scratched the surface.

Peter Sarsgaard (Knight and Day, Jarhead) plays Hector Hammond who serves as the main human antagonist in the film. Sarsgaard is a fine actor, and he is actually very good in this role, but the character is so completely uninteresting and stereotypical that he serves no real purpose other than to make Green Lantern use his powers. The script wastes more time trying to convey some sort of childhood rivalry that existed between Jordan and Hammond for Carol’s heart but never holds any merit since the underlying layers of their history are so unthawed.

Tim Robbins (The Shawshank Redemption) is in this film for no other reason than name recognition. The role of Senator Hammond, the disapproving father of Hector, is a complete waste of time for one of the finest actors alive, as he tries to provide some kind of fuel for Hector’s tired and cliché resentment of society.

Where Green Lantern definitely does not disappoint is in the special effect area. Action sequences are very entertaining. The continuing evolution in CGI brings the universe and powers of Green Lantern to life in a way that no other process could. The computer generated suit looks fantastic and beats out any real-world material that could have been woven together, plus since Green Lantern’s power comes from pure energy it even makes more sense that his costume exemplifies that trait. The Corps’ home world of Oa is also very awe inspiring, which include The Guardians, who first harnessed the power of the lanterns and created The Corps.

Green Lantern gets credit for taking a stab at some very expansive source material but sells itself short with a truncated script that is more reminiscent of a feature-length cartoon. Ten years ago this film could have gotten away on face-melting special effects alone, but as the genre has upped the ante with the depth of its characters and stories, this CliffsNotes version of the property does very little to exemplify humans as the highly imaginative beings in the story who are worthy of Green Lantern’s light.

Story: 7.0
Acting: 6.5
Writing: 6.5
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 7.5

Total = 6.9 out of 10

X-Men: First Class

2011-06-07T13:06:00.003-04:00

From the biblical days of Cain and Abel all the way to the space opera of Obi-wan and Anakin, the tale of two brothers, by blood or otherwise, whose moral paths eventually collide at an impasse is one that never seems to tire. Usually there are some telltale signs throughout such a story that will start to lightly sketch the divisional lines of who will take their rightful places in either the yin or the yang. All of these factors contribute to the story of X-Men patriarchs Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr, but even though that clear separation exists between who is the hero and who is the villain, X-Men: First Class bolsters what sets their dynamic apart from all others.

The fifth chapter and the second prequel in the X-Men franchise focuses on the dawn of the superhero team and its creators Charles Xavier aka Professor X (James McAvoy, Wanted) and Erik Lehnsherr aka Magneto (Michael Fassbender, Inglorious Basterds). The potent genetic material that keeps the X-Men story evolving continues to be the disparity in ideology between these two characters and how they mirror the very real issues in American history. As alluded to in the opening scene of the original X-Men, the childhood of young Erik in the Nazi concentration camps reveals his experience of the travesties during the Holocaust of WWII. Meanwhile his counterpart Charles grows up in a lonely mansion and discovers at a very young age that he is not the only one in the world with unique abilities. As Erik seeks revenge on the Nazis and Charles continues to educate the world on mutation, their paths cross as they converge on a very powerful mutant named Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon, Super) whose ultimate goal is to start WWIII. Charles and Erik team up and track down other mutants to form a resistance against Shaw and his allies, creating the first incarnation of the X-Men.

Much like Watchmen, the story of X-Men: First Class is woven nicely into real-world events of the past. The Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962 gives the story more of consequential weight, which other comic book films can sometimes lack. Director and co-writer Matthew Vaughn (Kick Ass) uses this setting to skew the comprehensive tone apart from the other chapters in the franchise. Additionally, since this film reveals mutants to the mass population of humans for the first time, it was important that the shock be more genuine than previously represented. Vaughn’s concern for this is represented well in the film, but not to the point were it wastes time or detracts from the central story.

Amplifying the great script is the tailored suit-like performances of the actors. At the head of the “first class” is Michael Fassbender portraying Erik Lehnsherr as he travels down his path toward becoming the powerful Magneto. Much like his role in Inglorious Basterds, Fassbender seems to have a knack for characters of this time period. His presence and coolness is a throwback to the Sean Connery era of filmmaking. Most impressive though, is how Fassbender hones in on the perfect pitch called for by the script. Considering his experiences with genocide, Erik’s ambition to eventually bring humanity to its knees could actually be deduced as logical. Fassbender emulates a sense of reason and empathy that is extremely rare to antagonists and even alters the way Magneto’s dialogue is conceived in previous films.

Representing the Martin Luther King Jr. to Fassbender’s Malcolm X is James McAvoy as Charles Xavier. This film presents McAvoy with the opportunity to introduce a more hip and slightly less benevolent Professor X in his younger days. McAvoy certainly nails Xavier’s extraordinary intellect and honorable sensibilities while exhibiting a more flawed and human side of a man in his twenties trying to discover who he is and realize his true path in life.

Kevin Bacon dusts off his black hat as brazen villain Sebastian Shaw, a mutant with a seemingly unstoppable ability. Bacon has filled the role of “bad guy” many times in his career and once again emits an eerie sense of calm fear when his character is on screen. Along with that comes a smug arrogance, which is always reinforced by the notion that he’ll make good on every threat.

The rest of the large cast of heroes and villains in X-Men: First Class has no legitimate weak spots, but there is one performance worthy of a spotlight. Nicholas Hoult (About a Boy) as Dr. Hank McCoy engages in a traumatic transformation into his alias of Beast. Beast is a very strong and confident hero, everything the meek Dr. McCoy is not. Even as Beast though, Hoult maintains the purity of the slight doctor who can finally accept himself for who and what he is.

Due to the nature of their function, most prequels are not classified as the best chapter in an extensive franchise. The character’s ultimate destinies are already known, so sudden plot twists or surprises that still fit into the canon become difficult to accomplish. And even though there were some inconsistencies with timelines from other chapters, X-Men: First Class may be that exception as it attacks and scrutinizes the layers of the most interesting facet of the X-Men saga . . . can humanity really be trusted to make the right decision, or is it more logical to force an illogical species to do so?

Story: 8.5
Acting: 8.5
Writing: 8.0
Captivation: 8.0
Replay Value: 8.5

Total = 8.3 out of 10

The Hangover Part II

2011-06-02T10:52:00.003-04:00

It's hard enough to churn out successful sequels to action, drama or sci-fi films , but comedic follow-ups are easily the most difficult to accomplish. The miniscule amount of franchises in the comedy realm is a testament to the rarity of such films reaching blockbuster status. Unlike the other genres, comedies have a much lower replay value. Tell the same joke to the same people in a relatively short amount time and it gets stale faster than a loaf of bread during Passover Seder. Sure, a great joke can be timeless, just as long as there is at least one set of virgin ears in the group to facilitate the punch line’s impact. Unfortunately for The Hangover Part II, its predecessor left no such pair of ears unscaved.

It’s happened again! The wolfpack has found themselves in a blacked out stupor with not a fathom of what’s happened the night before and only 2 days before one of their member’s wedding. This time around it’s Stu (Ed Helms, The Hangover, The Office) who’s getting hitched and the location has changed from Vegas to Thailand. Also, instead of losing their buddy Doug (Justin Bartha, The Hangover, National Treasure), who is safe and secure at the wedding venue, they have misplaced the innocent and shy 16-year-old brother of Stu’s fiancée somewhere in the depths of Bangkok.

The Hangover’s success was due to the very relatable experience of a night of debochery that ensues during a bachelor party. But what really forced the needle to fly right off the hilarity meter was the amped up and over-the-top level of absurdness that few bachelor parties could ever hope to attain. Rather than focusing on the most interesting and humorous factor of how such madness could transpire all over again, The Hangover Part II’s script is simply a Mad Libs version of the original. The sequel is expected to keep the same premise that jolted the careers of its stars, but the story was starved for originality. The new writers on this film, which includes director Todd Phillips (The Hangover, Old School), should have looked to the benchmark set by the National Lampoon’s Vacation series. It too kept a very similar premise throughout the franchise, however more than just the scenery was changed from chapter to chapter. The scenarios were each original to their perspective stories but remained embedded with the familiar and beloved traits of the main characters. Instead of tyring to exceed or even differentiate The Hangover Part II from Jon Lucas’ and Scott Moore’s original magnum opus, the writers simply rested on past laurels.

The only gas in the tank of this film is the effort of the great characters who all return for a second go around. Zach Galifianakis (Due Date, The Hangover) remains the top idiot of idiot savants in the role of Alan, however this time there was less savant and too much aggression added to his social awkwardness. The same proportion goes for Ed Helms’ Stu as his freak out sessions click up a few notches, but both actors are able to maintain the overall familiar tone of their characters for most of the film. Bradley Cooper’s (Limitless, The Hangover) position as the wolfpack’s amoral alpha glue, Phil, is perhaps simultaneously the most underrated and disappointing. Cooper excels as the psuedo narrator for the outlandish circumstances surrounding the trio as Phil keeps the wolfpack grounded and together while always managing to have a little fun of his own as they try to piece together their memories. Unfortunately Phil’s backstory is once again mostly ignored and he remains the most underdeveloped character in the story.

Stand out supporting roles include the returning Ken Jeong (Community, The Hangover) as Mr. Chow and Paul Giamatti (Win Win, John Adams) as supposed crime lord Kingsley. These would have been great complementary pieces in a more original plot, but instead they are used as mere distractions from a poor doppelganger.

The Hangover Part II is little more than a contact high of its precursor and although some of the mirrored scenes from the original do manage to slip in small, unexpected turns that elicit a few belly laughs, the film equates to a stand-up comedian that only gets half way through the first joke before hearing a heckler shout, “I’ve heard this one already.”

Story: 5.5
Acting: 6.5
Writing: 7.0
Captivation: 6.5
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 6.4 out of 10

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

2011-05-24T17:22:00.005-04:00

Much like professional baseball players, the amount of “hits” collected by most movie franchises is relatively low. If a film series includes just one or two quality films out of a four or five chapter set, it can still be revered as successful. Once or twice a decade a Harry Potter or Indiana Jones steps up to plate and posts a softball like .750 or .800 average. The Pirates of the Caribbean series is consideredby many to already be in or on their way to that exclusive league. That is until the team switched managers and moved the franchise to Pittsburgh, where sadly enough, the mighty Captain Jack has finally struck out.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, the fourth chapter of Disney’s pirates saga based on the famous theme park ride, picks up were Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, The Tourist) left off in the third film, searching for the fabled Fountain of Youth. Jack learns that very particular and rare items are required to hone the power of the fountain’s rejuvenating waters and furthermore, he’s not nearly alone in their search. The Spanish have been sent by the king to destroy the fountain due to its blasphemous powers. Jack’s old rival and now privateer Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush, The Kings Speech), leads an imperialistic English vessel to find the fountain for his own personal agenda. And the most feared pirate in the world, Blackbeard (Ian McShane, Deadwood), must drink the enchanted waters before the prophecy of his demise by a one-legged man is carried to fruition.

Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow continues to act as Atlas and bear the weight of the franchise. Jack may be one of the greatest original characters in movie history, but On Stranger Tides exposed how severe the loss of integral characters from the first three films, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swan (Keira Knightley), has affected the on-screen chemistry. Depp’s charisma remains undeniable and audiences will not tire of watching Captain Jack get himself into and out of trouble for a long time to come, however it turns out that one of the major factors to the past success of these films involving cursed pirate ships, fish people, sea monsters and zombies was actually the underrated dynamic and juxtaposition Depp, Bloom and Knightleyhad perfected.

In an attempt to fill these gaps, Penelope Cruz (Nine) enters the female lead as Angelica, a jilted lover from Jack’s past for whom he actually harbors deep feelings. And Sam Claflin in his first movie role tries to carry the burden of morality as Philip Swift, a captive missionary aboard Blackbeard’s Queen Anne’s Revenge. Regrettably though, these characters feel more like stand-ins than replacements. Cruz hits a flat note for the majority of the film as the scorned lover not to be trifled with, and is never able to duplicate the love/hate magnetism that so brilliantly worked between Depp and Knightley. As for Claflin’s Philip, he does manage to slip nicely into the honorable void left by Bloom. Amongst all the relentless lying and backstabbing in the story there is a great need for at least one voice of reason, which Claflin exudes with strength and believability. However, the comparison of Philip’s place in the story to Bloom’s Will Turner remains unavoidable, strictly limiting the character’s potential.

Geoffrey Rush thankfully returns to his role of Captain Barbossa for this film, although On Stranger Tides' “big bad” is Ian McShane as the formidable Blackbeard. McShane is intimidating from his first utterance, but his character was shortchanged in the script. Unlike previous antagonists in the series, there is very little backstory on Blackbeard and his apparent voodoo-like powers. Other supernatural elements also go unexplained this time around as the story expects the audience to simply accept them with brief commentaries on their inner workings and limits. The main reason for this change in m.o. may be due to the new body in the director chair for the first time in the franchise. Rob Marshall (Nine, Chicago) takes over for Gore Verbinskiand sets a somewhat slower pace to the film. This does not meld well with the quipping nature of Captain Jack or the adventure to find the fountain, which itself is not as nearly as grand in stature or excitement as the previous trilogy’s plot lines.

The title On Stranger Tides was borrowed from the 1987 fantasy novel written by Tim Powers. Unfortunately, it's also an ironic choice as the tone of this film swings and misses by a mile in trying to match the previous three in terms of amusement and ambition. Depp’s talents alone were just not enough to carry the weak story and sluggish pace presented in this installment. Perhaps next time around the producers can borrow Captain Jack’s compass and concentrate really hard on finding a better script.

Story: 6.0
Acting: 7.0
Writing: 5.5
Captivation: 6.5
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 6.3 out of 10

Everything Must Go

2011-05-19T08:52:00.007-04:00

The consummate comedic actor in a great dramatic performance is a trick that never seems to get old. No matter how many times this rabbit gets pulled out of the hat, audiences are no less shocked when the reigning king of funny utilizes their belly laugh-inducing arsenal of impeccable timing and delivery to instead channel deep emotion and heartfelt sincerity. Notables in this category would include Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey and now the latest addition, Will Ferrell.

In the film Everything Must Go, Nick Halsey (Will Ferrell) is having the worst day ever. Fired from his job of 16 years, Nick comes home to find all of his possessions scattered on his front lawn. The locks have been changed and it’s apparent that Nick’s wife has evicted him from the house, their bank accounts and their marriage. As he tries to piece together his life and fight his addiction to alcohol, he meets Kenny (Christopher Jordan Wallace, Notorious) a latchkey kid from down the street who has nothing better to do than help Nick begrudgingly sell all of his possessions. In the guise of a yard sale, Nick is able to legally “live” on his front lawn for 5 days.

This is not Ferrell’s first departure from his standard “old school” form, but it does mark his initial shot at a drama’s main character. Ferrell is able to exude the proper amount of poise in Nick that is almost completely vacant from his comedic roles. And when the story calls for it, Ferrell is still able to conjure up a few subdued laughs without sacrificing the story's tone. However, the most impressive aspect of Ferrell’s performance is his ability to use the same potent facial expressions that are usually followed by hilarity to convey an equally strong sense of uneasiness and despair while still maintaining the precise amount of levity needed for the scene.

The message this film tries to deliver is not deeply original, but the method in which Ferrell’s character deals with his problems through his worldly possessions is something very unique yet extremely relatable. In his directorial debut, Dan Rush allows the story to progress at a slow pace. This actually enhances what the film does best, exemplifying the "in between" moments in life that are usually omitted when the script is written. It’s as if the audience is a nosy neighbor watching everything unfold through the front window of another house on the block.

Another debut in this film is the performance of Christopher Jordan Wallace as Kenny Loftus. Wallace is the son of the late rapper The Notorious B.I.G. and singer Faith Evans. The only previous acting experience Wallace had was playing his father as a child in the biographical Notorious in 2009. In Everything Must Go, Wallace proves that his acting talents reach much farther, showing he is capable of filling out an original character with an inherent and vivid sense of innocence and vulnerability.

Rebecca Hall (The Town), Laura Dern (Jurassic Park) and Michael Peña (Observe and Report) head the rest of the small cast and all bring substantial depth to their characters and the story. Hall in particular who plays Samantha, the new neighbor across the street from Nick, is able to inject a sense of the outside world into a story that focuses on the narrow viewpoint of its main character. She unwittingly becomes a pseudo psychiatrist to Nick, helping him open up even at her own detriment.

Amidst the barrage of science fiction, fantasy and high-octane action sequences during the summer movie season Everything Must Go acts the palate cleansing ginger between eating sushi rolls or the table water crackers at a wine tasting. But instead of resetting the taste buds, it pulls the mind’s eye miles down from the clouds and focuses it on the few inches of life right out in front.

Story: 7.5
Acting: 8.5
Writing: 8.0
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 7.0

Total = 7.6 out of 10

Thor

2011-05-09T09:30:00.009-04:00

The average John and Jane Q. separates the science fiction and fantasy movie genres with a very fine line. The polar opposite being the Great Wall of China sized partition a hard-core superfan of either faction is willing to defend in a heated nerdgument. Either way, the glaring difference between the two has always been the existence of rules. Exceptional science fiction relies on the creativity and imagination of the rules created in its own world and then even more importantly, how they are followed. However with fantasy, magic is always the predominant tool. The problem with that is no matter how many rules are set, magic always holds the skeleton key to unlock them at any given point in the story. So the trick, bad pun intended, with a tale involving magic is to create the notion that some form of inherent bounds or uncrossable line actually exists. Unfortunately, that line is effortlessly smashed into oblivion by the hammer of Thor.

Thor is the fourth film for Marvel Studios in their lead up to the much anticipated ensemble The Avengers, scheduled for release in 2012. Much like the Norse legend, the Marvel version of Thor is the god of thunder who lives in a magical realm known as Asgard. Thor (Chris Hemsworth, Star Trek, 2009) is the heir to King Odin (Anthony Hopkins, The Rite, Beowulf) and the thrown, but Odin has reservations about whether his first born son is ready for the responsibility. Thor’s younger brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston, Archipelago) also covets the crown, always trying to prove himself as equal to Thor in the eyes of their father.

Undoubtedly, Thor is the most challenging character Marvel has tried to adapt into a live-action motion picture. The background and capabilities of his character are very unique, yet must be seamlessly brought into the same “real-world” environments that previous characters like Iron Man and The Hulk have already established. In this respect, director Kenneth Branagh (Hamlet, 1996) succeeded. He worked Thor into the Marvel films continuity established by the previous three films very well, keeping the overall tone and spirit of the comics in line. Though there are some jarring moments when characters on Earth in full Asgard guise trigger some flashbacks to 1987’s Masters of the Universe.

Due to the seemingly limitless power of his magic, there is very little sense of consequence surrounding Thor. During battle it appears at times that Thor’s powers may have some kind of ceiling, only to then call upon a previously unseen and even more almighty capability. This is perhaps the most difficult portion of a story involving a god and/or magic. There is a complete lack of tension eluding to the character being in any mortal danger. Conversely, this is where the Harry Potter films shine so triumphantly, using the same fantastical aspects of magic while keeping the tension and a sense of real consequence on the characters wielding it.

Thor’s script also suffers from trying to squeeze in too much content, which always results in a quick and choppy pace that uses lazy solutions to difficult plot points. This is most evident when Thor is banished from his home of Asgard by his father Odin and made to live as a mortal on Earth. Some comical moments that work nicely rise out of this scenario, but overall Thor assimilates much too quickly to the human world and crowbars in a love connection with scientist Jane Foster (Natalie Portman, Your Highness, Black Swan), the first person to discover him on Earth.

A choppy script also tends to limit the caliber of an actor’s performance. But when dealing with the role of a god, attitude outweighs dialogue. Chris Hemsworth‘s Thor evolves from power-hungry brat to understanding humanitarian much too abruptly, but he stays within the character and emits a true sense of what it must feel like to be a titan, even when he is mortal.

Natalie Portman, Anthony Hopkins and Tom Hiddleston were never really allowed to blossom due to the rapid pace of the story. Hiddleston in particular, for whom this is his first widely released film, showed much promise as the antagonist Loki. His demeanor is pitch perfect for the jealous god of mischief and emotes a disturbing uneasiness without utterting a word. Although much like Kevin Spacey in Superman Returns, the script limited Hiddleston’s effectiveness, regulating Loki to more of a blatant liar than an incredibly clever manipulator and trickster.

All of these issues withstanding, there still remains a free toy at the bottom of the cereal box. The fantastic visual effects, which are intentionally over polished, authentically rip the magical realm of Asgard directly from the pages of the comic book. Also, a great deal of action is injected into the first act including one or two goosebump moments demonstrating Thor’s incredible power. However, this wanes throughout the film and even the climax falls well short of the opening few scenes.

The most fortunate power Thor has in its corner is the willingness of its audience to overlook its weak points and instead of judging it as a stand-alone story, view it as a means to introduce the characters for their very important roles in The Avengers.

Story: 6.5
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 6.0
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 7.5

Total = 6.9 out of 10

Fast Five

2011-05-02T09:18:00.003-04:00

“One hundred percent pure adrenaline,” is the line made famous by Patrick Swayze’s character in the awesomely-bad cult classic from 1991, Point Break. Films of that nature are regularly condemned and belittled by critics as mere eye candy, holding little to no redeemable value. But critics do not have the final word on what is and is not considered cinematic gold. The movie-going public has always retained that singular power. And as long as crowds continue to flock to movies with titles like (insert Jason Statham film here), an argument can be made that camouflaging ridiculous plots and weak scripts by utilizing little more than astonishing action sequences, is an art form all its own. It’s time for these films to be given their just due, especially when they expand into incredibly profitable franchises. It appears that time has now come for one of the titans in the adrenaline genre, The Fast and the Furious.

The fifth chapter of the franchise titled Fast Five, joins protagonists Toretto and O’Conner, played once again by Vin Diesel and Paul Walker respectively, as they apparently try to steal the plot from Ocean’s Eleven. The two outlaws assemble an all-star cast of characters from the previous four films, each with their own unique talents, in order to accomplish the heist of a lifetime in Buenos Aires. But instead of suave talk, meticulous planning and a master’s game of mental chess with their target, “Toretto’s Ten” floods the screen with a truck ton of bravado, hand to hand combat, a small army’s amount of guns, a tiny bit of tech and of course oodles and oodles of fast cars.

By the beginning of the second act, Fast Five is easily the most entertaining chapter of the series since the original debuted back in 2001. The action sequences are unsurprisingly over the top and of course completely unrealistic both in theory and in fact, but what does strike a nerve this time around is the increased levels of empathy and concern the audience has for the characters. Granted it required five feature films, but what started out as shallow, two-dimensional figures, have now acquired enough tribulation and back-story to now become anti-heroes.

Like it’s predecessors, Fast Five does not hang it’s proverbial hat on profound dialogue or intense performances from its cast. Figuratively, the plot holes are big enough to fit every car that’s ever been driven throughout the franchise. However for most of the film, the pace, excitement and vested interest in the characters suppress these gaping flaws, a la Bad Boys or Armageddon. Though this is not to say Fast Five is a barren wasteland filled exclusively with chases and explosions, if close attention is paid a few stoic gems can be cultivated, mostly by actors with supporting parts like Matt Schulze reprising his role of Vince from the first film in the series. The vast increase of skill and maturity of Schulze’s acting ability translates very well to the growth of his once short-fused character.

As for the main players, Diesel and Walker perform their modus operandi as limited by both the script and their abilities as actors. Thankfully like a fine wine from the late 1990’s, the natural process of time has enhanced this duo’s on-screen chemistry, portraying an undeniable big/little brother dynamic which infuses some much needed charm into the story.

In addition to all the usual suspects, Fast Five also includes Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Hobbs, a special agent with the U.S. Department of State, Diplomatic Security Service. Hobbs’ mission is to hunt down and bring Toretto and O’Conner back to the United States to be prosecuted. Johnson impressed many critics with the depth he was able to portray in his early characters from films like The Rundown and Be Cool, but unfortunately this part is nothing short of a major step back for Johnson as a serious actor. The character of Hobbs is straight out of a cartoon or video game, contains zero depth, and constantly spouts short clichés and non sequiturs. The only silver lining to Johnson’s inclusion in this film is that the highly anticipated fight scene between his character and Vin Diesel’s Dominic Toretto categorically lives up to the hype.

After experiencing Fast Five, audiences will not exit the theater pondering an important life lesson, a heightened sense of insight, or even just the satisfaction of watching a great story unfold. Instead they will have the peculiar sensation of parting from a NOS injected theme park ride while flashed a film laced with weak plot devices, lazy writing and wooden performances to which the question will then be asked, “How long until the next one?”

Story: 6.0
Acting: 6.5
Writing: 5.5
Captivation: 8.5
Replay Value: 8.5

Total = 7.0 out of 10

Your Highness

2011-04-08T16:40:00.006-04:00

A “golden age” of a film genre usually refers to a time when the most nostalgic and poignant of works were created. However, when citing the fantasy category the revered films can often doppelganger as its worst. No decade hosts more of these films than the 1980’s, especially those having to do with a quest, and even more specific, a quest to find a magical weapon that is the only hope in the entire land capable of destroying the evil which threatens it.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, films cut from this cloth such as The Beastmaster (1982), Highlander (1986) and perhaps most often reminisced, Krull (1983), were weaned out of Hollywood throughout the ‘90s. The genre remained essentially dormant until 2001 when Peter Jackson decided to raise expectations to such a colossal height with The Lord of the Rings trilogy that the low-budget, flimsy-story, fun fantasy film was pretty much slain forever. Luckily though for fans, forever in Hollywood only lasts until someone can come up with a new idea to turn a profit, enter Danny McBride and Ben Best (writers, The Foot Fist Way, Eastbound and Down).

Avid fans of the “quest” films as they grew up in the ‘80s, the duo decided to revive the genre by injecting their very distinct and popular brand of humor. The result is Your Highness, the prototypical quest/adventure following the brave and noble Prince Fabious’ (James Franco, 127 Hours) journey to obtain a sacred sword and save his would-be princess from the clutches of an evil sorcerer who wants to rule the kingdom for no intensive purposes. Except what makes this quest different from all the rest is the addition of the noble prince’s incredibly crass and cowardly brother Prince Thadeous (Danny McBride, Eastbound and Down), commenting on the absurdities of their situations by using modern day expletives, references to marijuana, and sexual innuendos.

For Prince Thadeous, McBride utilizes the same crassness of his Kenny Powers character from the HBO series Eastbound and Down. The modern day expletives coupled with poor comprehension of medieval times dialect and pseudo English accents makes for some very funny and jarring dialogue. Unfortunately, it seemed that the script was overly cautious about using this device, leaving too many lulls in between big laughs and sometimes forgetting that it’s supposed to be a comedy. Actually, Your Highness so fantastically references and parodies the “quest” films from the ‘80s that it might even be considered a detriment. Void the comedic dialogue and sight gags altogether, and the film would have easily fitted right in during the genre’s heyday. Even sadder and/or funnier, it would have been one of the better films as well.

Another component that was underused is the comedic talents of James Franco and Natalie Portman. Other than his character’s name, Franco’s Prince Fabious does not elicit many laughs as he plays the straight man to McBride for most of the film. And Portman, who plays Isabel, a femme fatal who is the last of her people and on constant quests of revenge, also has less than a handful of jokes at her disposal. It’s disappointing that these two very decorated actors who have proven their substantial comedy prowess in previous works were not given the chance be more of a factor when executing humorous dialogue.

The one character in the film that does manage to balance the comedic weight with McBride is the cleverly designed villain Leezar, played brilliantly by Justin Theroux (Parks and Recreations). Leezar is every evil sorcerer from every fantasy film ever created but unlike his counterparts, he his not aloof about his grand plans or his intention to control a dragon simply for the power to burn things.

Even though this film was written by McBride and Best, director David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express, 2008) is on record saying that a script was never used on set, only a plot outline and written notes. Unfortunately for Your Highness, this fact is very evident. Improvisation only shines when the audience is not aware of it, a la Curb Your Enthusiasm. Much of the improvised comedy that might have accomplished big laughs during filming seems to have fallen flat in the finished product.

Your Highness had the talent on set to be a much funnier film than it turned out, but it’s still a very well made homage to the classically bad fantasy films of the 80’s and even displayed some impressive and unexpected special effects that would cause creators of its predecessors to weep. The visual parody of the characters combined with the hilarious, and sometimes uncomfortable, sight gags manage to fill in some of the dead areas in the story, ultimately giving Your Highness the tools it needs to complete a quest of inducing just enough laughter from its audience.

Story: 5.5

Acting: 7.5

Writing: 6.5

Captivation: 7.0

Replay Value: 7.0

Total = 6.7

Limitless

2011-03-18T16:58:00.005-04:00

The chronic myth of humans utilizing only 10-20 percent of their brains is one that has been reiterated many times in the past century. Contrary though is the scientific fact that an average person uses just about 100 percent of their brains on a daily basis. It’s the energy department where the limit comes into play. The human body allots around 20 percent of its power to brain functions. But what if there was an “overdrive” option? A way for the brain to receive five times the energy it consumes on a regular basis. Limitless is a film that attempts to address this scenario, but regrettably does not contain the limitless imagination required to do so.

Eddie Morra (Bradley Cooper, The Hangover) is the stereotypical out of work, hygiene challenged author with a drinking problem and writer’s block living in New York City. Just as Eddie is about to hit rock bottom, he runs into his drug dealing ex brother-in-law Vernon (Johnny Whitworth, Empire Records), who has supposedly “moved up” to legitimate pharmaceuticals. Taking pity on Eddie, Vernon offers him a pill not yet available to the public to help with his creative dead end. Recently dumped by his girlfriend and only a few days away from being evicted, Eddie feels he has nothing left to lose. Similar to overclocking a computer’s CPU, Eddie’s brain now runs at an unprecedented level, granting him total recall to even the most mundane observations throughout his life and the ability to calculate information at a rate that would make IBM jealous.

Naturally these gifts are not without serious side effects. As Eddie reaches beyond his humble world of creative writing into the cutthroat realm of the stock market, he begins to overmedicate, attracting unwanted attention from others hooked on the drug and those who just want to control him.
Leslie Dixon, who in the past has triumphed in writing adapted screenplays like 2000’s Pay It Forward, was not able to replicate the same level of excellence with Limitless. The life-altering abilities bestowed on the character of Eddie are used in the most predictable of ways. Initially though, it’s completely understandable and even necessary for the character to give in to his most primal desires as the drug Eddie takes does not necessarily transform a person into a genius, rather it gives that person incredible clarity and enhances the learning capabilities of their inherent intellect. Eddie’s desires and life goals progress nicely and keep in line with his base personality, but when he comes to the crossroads of realization that material possessions, sex and money will never be enough to satisfy him, his next venture is incredibly disheartening and beneath his capabilities.

Director Neil Burger (The Illusionist, 2006) opens the film by taking the audience on an enjoyable roller coaster ride through Eddie’s super cerebellum by utilizing some clever and disorienting camera techniques, translating to the audience what it might be like to possess such a brain. However, this innovation comes to a sudden halt midway through the film and redundancy sets in. Eddie’s ambitions and the methods he uses to try and achieve them are no more grand or original than someone with a brain powered by a Duracell.
The story also commits the science fiction faux pas of all but completely ignoring the origin of the super pill, nor does it ever truly explain how it works. The best explanation offered is a flimsy account from Vernon, whose sketchy background and access to a drug of this nature is left out as well.

On the performance side, Bradley Cooper’s evolution as an actor takes another step forward. He’s able to switch on a very likable presence when needed; separating this character miles apart from some of the seedy and unscrupulous ones he’s previously portrayed. Oddly though, the film takes an unsettling turn for Cooper’s character in the latter stages with some gratuitous violence, including a scene that would more appropriately fit into a very different film also starring Cooper, 2008’s The Midnight Meat Train.

Then there is the role of antagonist Carl Van Loon, played by film legend Robert De Niro. Van Loon, who’s character is as vapid as his name, is a Wall Street tycoon that wants to harness Eddie’s ability into working solely for his corporation. To waste his time with a part this empty, De Niro may have been carrying out a personal favor or received a limitless amount of zeros on the end of his paycheck. Genuinely, hundreds if not thousands of actors with varying degrees of skill could have played this character to achieve the same indifferent effect. And then to add some lemon juice to the paper cut, De Niro himself seems to have been miscast. His character looks exposed and out of place in the financial world setting, delivering lines and facial expressions in a way that embodies too much Goodfellas and not enough Wall Street.

Limitless is yet another science fiction letdown that relies entirely on the novelty of a fantastic premise, unable to delve deeply enough into uncharted territory. Even the film’s title is detrimentally ironic. There are several key moments, including a lazy ending, which could have been used as launching pads for the story to leap to the next level. But unfortunately, the only thing that is truly limitless in this film is the amount of virtual walls, stunting the story.

Story: 6.0
Acting: 7.0
Writing: 5.5
Captivation: 7.0
Replay Value: 6.5

Total = 6.4

The Adjustment Bureau

2011-03-04T13:50:00.005-05:00

“We have no fate but what we make,” is the line made famous by The Terminator franchise back in the early ‘80s. In 2011, The Adjustment Bureau counteracts that philosophy with a secret society of “agents” who are responsible for all of humanity’s important decisions. The question of “fate” is one that has perplexed humans for centuries. Do human beings truly have free will, or is every facet of life already determined by some greater power adjusting and redirecting timelines? If it’s the latter, then that power should have spent a little more energy on adjusting The Adjustment Bureau.

David Norris (Matt Damon) is a young New York congressman with a very bright future ahead of him. During his senate campaign, some compromising photos from his past turn up in the local paper, derailing his apparent victory. A “chance” encounter with a woman, Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada), right before David is to give his concession speech turns out to be the most pivotal point in his life, however he later stumbles upon a deeply guarded secret which proves there is very little in life left up to chance at all.

The Adjustment Bureau holds a wealth of intrigue in its story, which just about anyone on the planet can identify with. Leaving your driveway 5 minutes late or even early can decide whether a normal mundane routine or a horrible traffic accident awaits your arrival. Unfortunately in this film, those subtle decisions are not amplified in the story to the level they could have been explored. Most of the plot is based around a love story, which is not uninteresting on its own, however there is so much wasted opportunity to explore uncharted ground in a unique subject like this rather than reiterating the power of true love for the eternal time.

The writing in this film is well polished but for the most part uninteresting. The “agents” in the bureau are exposed to the audience almost immediately and without any alluring mystery behind them. This was an exorbitant misuse of the freedom to create an eerie and solicitous tone with original characters that hold answers to age-old questions about the universe. Though there is one pleasant exception in a scene where Harry (Anthony Mackie, We Are Marshall), a rogue “agent” that feels more sympathy for David’s situation than the rest of the bureau, reveals an interesting account for why many of the world’s awful events ever occurred.

Performances in The Adjustment Bureau are very solid but not distinguished considering the actors could have pushed the limits of the subject matter out to infinity. Also, some of the scenes play out as a little rushed and untrue to how an everyday person would react to the unprecedented revelation of how fate is actually determined. But what cannot go unnoticed is the incredible chemistry between Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. The two co-stars magically pull off the feat of true love at first sight without even a glimmer of cynicism. It’s as if they’ve filmed the past 10 or 20 movies together or have been life-long friends. Another highlight is the inclusion of Terrance Stamp (Superman II, Wall Street) as Thompson. Stamp’s impeccable and intimidating delivery of dialogue brings back some of the cryptic overtones to the bureau that was squandered in the first 10 minutes of the film.

The Adjustment Bureau has one of the more intriguing subject matters to be covered by a sci-fi film in the last decade. The story unfolds a little too quickly and then slams on the brakes in the 2nd Act. It does pick up nicely near the end and even captivates the audience into thinking there will be some great reveal or twist on just who is in charge of the bureau, but unfortunately the story once again gets lazy and relies on rhetoric to tie up any loose ends. Although the film does expend too much of the plot on true love, it does exemplify that trait nicely, once again beating the drum of what makes humans so very “special” to the universe.

Story: 7.0
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 7.0
Captivation: 7.5
Replay Value: 6.0

Total = 7.0

I Am Number Four

2011-02-22T10:31:00.002-05:00

Science fiction films live and die by the rules they set for themselves within their stories. However, when a sci-fi feature such as I Am Number Four does not even bother with parameters and skimps on backstory, it enhances the fiction side of the genre, leaving the science on the waste side and an audience apathetic.

John is one of the last of his people from a far-off world trying to conceal his identify on Earth while he is being hunted by another alien species known as Mogadorians, who are responsible for the destruction of his race. John is Number Four of nine extraordinary beings from his planet, all with special abilities that when matured are a threat to the Mogadorians and their conquest to take over Earth.

I Am Number Four plays out like a glorified pilot episode for a CW or SyFy television series. And perhaps that’s what it should have been because it seems writers Alfred Gough and Miles Millar (Smallville) were still in TV mode when writing this screenplay. The backstory on the main characters is thinner than Christian Bale in The Machinist. Stereotypes used for modern day teenagers comes straight out of an 80’s film, and the villain Mogadorians might as well be directly transported from a bad episode of Star Trek.

The main plot line of nine supernatural beings from another planet who are systematically hunted on Earth is not without some merit. The film begins as intriguing but suffers from an incredibly long and drawn out 2nd Act that does little more than waste time with redundant scenes of John receiving text messages on his iPhone. The film does manage to accelerate in the 3rd Act with some exciting action sequences and special effects displaying Johns abilities, but they are merely superficial with zero support in the story of their limitations and how they function.

Alex Pettier who plays John in the film gives an admirable performance with the material he was given. Pettier brings a strong sense of moral stature and confidence to the role, giving the audience a reason to root for John other than just because he’s the good guy. Other notable performances include Diana Agron (Glee) playing John’s human love interest Sarah. Agron possesses the skills of a more seasoned actor which, by no fault of her own, sometime seem out of place among her young cast mates. It’s unfortunate there was not an opportunity for Agron to have any scenes with Timothy Olyphant’s (Live Free or Die Hard, Justified) character Henri, who is also from John’s planet and responsible for his protection until John’s powers come to fruition. Olyphant’s substantial talents are pretty much wasted in this film as the script never gives his character the chance to be the mentor and key to John's backstory that was so desperately needed.

This film has good framework with a story idea and fresh, qualified actors to begin a new sci-fi saga, but its complete lack of depth and attention to detail will ultimately keep I Am Number Four in the class of one-shot and forgotten.

Story: 6.5
Acting: 7.0
Writing: 6.0
Captivation: 6.0
Replay Value: 7.0

Total = 6.5

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Big Fish Recap 2/11/09 - Back On Track

2011-02-11T09:08:00.003-05:00

The Cobra Kai entered last Friday’s Showdown with a Do or Die mentality. Our Usual Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy Mentality was changed to Do or Die for One Night. The Team was reeling from a 2 game losing streak marred by injuries and a shuffled line-up to start the season. And with a Good Pretzels team awaiting us last Friday night there would be no room for errors on this evening.

Pretzels jumped off to a 4 run lead in the top of the first that might have forced other teams to fold under their blitzing hits and big bombs of the first inning…..or as Christina would say the Twighligths last reaming. However, the Cobra Kai struck right back and retook the lead with patient at plate appearances highlighted by the arrival of Capt. Tucci in the top of the line-up to help spark the team. “We needed Tucci’s energy in the top and thus I told him the team will either live or die with him….it’s the Captains choice” The Swami said after the game.

Well, the Team rose up and we fought together to save our season. The Bats woke up and they woke up with a vengeance on this night. The Cobra Kai struck with No mercy in the bottom of the first posting 8 runs and vowing never to look back from there. The Swami was coming off a heartbreaking loss by his hometown Steelers but used that energy at the plate taking his revenge on the pitcher blasting a shot in the bottom of the first to spark the team.

Sully managed to pull out several clutch hits all night but none more than in the first as he was still reeling from a near knockout blow from Koko in warm-ups. “I was seeing three balls all night, when Koko told me just to hit the one in the middle that’s what I did” Sully said after the game. Interesting to hear Koko’s big blow and Sully seeing three balls in the same sentence…but we will try to assume he was referring to the game. DonJuan kept things going upping his league leading OB% and the Kai went all the way through the line-up to start the game.

Savvy Veteran Oil Can Spragues was back on the mound leading the charge for the Kai in the field and his never say die attitude is exactly what the doctor ordered for the Kai on this night. However, the biggest surge came from an old Kai faithful Johnny Blaze. Blaze entered the game lacking his usual swagger on the season but that all came to a halt once this once got under way. Back at the Hot Corner and reunited with his swing Blaze was the difference on this hallowed evening. Johnny put up a 4-4 performance and snagged several hot reads at the hot corner reassuming his Miyagi like influence. The other difference for the Kai came from Koko as he ran down a muddled high flying ball and ripped two shots down the 3rd base line to impress the GOAT whom did not believe his brother was capable of such a feat. All in all it was one of the Kai’s greatest all around team performance taking down Pretzels 16-15 holding off a late rally to keep the season’s goal of a championship alive and well.

See You Under the Friday Night Lights for another Showdown with the SHARKS!

The Fighter

2011-01-13T10:41:00.003-05:00

Few things in life are more inspirational than an “against all odds, down on their luck” sports story. The only problem with such a tale is the frequency in which it has been told. The difficulty has increased exponentially over the years for a film to get the same emotional rise out of an audience like Rocky did back in the late 70’s or Hoosiers in the mid ‘80’s. In order to now crack into the elite of this genre, a film has to not only be incredibly moving, but it also must offer something unseen by its predecessors. And if it happens to be based on a true story, well that sure can’t hurt either.

The Fighter follows the career and personal life of professional welterweight boxer “Irish” Micky Ward. Unfortunately for Ward, the poor choice of opponents in the ring by his wayward mother/manager is not his only battle, as he must also fight out from the shadow of his older half-brother and trainer Dicky Eklund. Eventually, the combination of Eklund’s drug addiction and his mother’s poor management force Ward to shut them out of his career, which simultaneously advances and hinders his abilities in the ring.

If a story is captivating enough to be adapted into a film, there’s a decent chance many people have heard at least some of it, especially when it comes to professional sports. Therefore, anytime a film is based on a true story it’s usually the performance of the actors that carry most of the weight. For lead actor Mark Wahlberg, this film was a passion project. Like Ward, Wahlberg also grew up in a large family and a similar inner city of Massachusetts. Wahlberg did not have to rewire his brain completely to transform his persona for this film. He was already well suited for the soft spoken, modest, tough as nails, fighter from Lowell, Massachusetts. But it was Wahlberg’s physical transformation and attention to detail that is truly astonishing. Wahlberg has always been known to be fit and athletic, but mimicking a professional boxer’s body type and fighting style is a completely different animal. Since 2005, Wahlberg spent three hours every morning, even while taping his last six films, building up his body and studying Ward's movements to become his doppelganger. All the intense training certainly paid off in the final product, as Wahlberg emerges as a reflection of Ward's stout and powerful frame. The fight scenes are perhaps the most authentic of all time, even rivaling that of Cinderella Man, 2005. This asset is indispensable considering how the Internet and YouTube provide the public a magnitude of source material on the actual matches, necessitating the need for pitch-perfect fight sequences. Authenticity was obviously a paramount goal of director David O. Russell (Three Kings, 1999) as he even recreated the original HBO television presentation and used the actual audio commentary from the real fights.

Whatever length Mark Wahlberg reached in transforming his physical nature to play Micky Ward, Christian Bale stretched a foot farther to skew his personality into Dicky Eklund. Eklund is not a well-known sports figure; his badgering claim to fame is that he once went the distance with all-time great Sugar Ray Leonard, which earned him the nickname, “The Pride of Lowell.” Eklund’s addiction to crack derailed his boxing career and started to interfere with his relationship as Micky’s brother and trainer. In an effort to embody Eklund’s freefall, Bale’s speech patterns and body movements are a symphony of chaos, encasing what was once a finely-tuned athlete now succumbed to the horrors of drug addiction. And to add another merit badge to Bale’s already full acting sash, he once again throws his body into metamorphosis by dropping 40 pounds and reminding his core fanbase of his days in The Machinist, 2004.

The performances of Wahlberg and Bale are overwhelming, however not at all lost in this film are the accolades of Amy Adams (Julie & Julia, 2009) as Ward’s girlfriend Charlene Fleming and Melissa Leo (Conviction, 2010) as Ward and Eklund’s mother, Alice Ward. If Adams’ goal in this film was to break out of her wholesome and good-natured modus operandi, she accomplished it in spades with Charlene. Adams is surprisingly believable as the tough bartender chick who will not let herself or anyone she cares about be taken advantage. As for Leo, her masterful work as Alice walks the thin and fragile line between inordinate selfishness and uncompromising love for her two boys. During 90 percent of the film the audience would like nothing more than to see Alice vanish from Micky’s life altogether, and then in the blink of a Ward left hook, she’s a completely sympathetic and understood character.

The Fighter has many other layers to it than just the roller coaster ride of Micky Ward’s professional career; the boxing takes a backseat to what he had to deal with on a personal level. But the authenticity of the boxing serves as a necessary catalyst for the story, conveying the perception that Ward has everything to lose. Micky Ward’s epic battles in the ring made him an unforgettable boxer. The Fighter makes him an unforgettable person.

Story: 9.0
Acting: 10.0
Writing: 9.0
Captivation: 8.5
Replay Value: 8.0

Total = 8.9

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All-Time Top 10 Christmas Movies

2010-12-17T14:09:00.002-05:00

10. Babes in Toyland (1934)

Known to some as March of the Wooden Soldiers due to it being reissued in color in 1954, it stars legendary comedy team Laurel and Hardy as bumbling toymakers in a land that is home to the characters from nursery rhymes.

This film, although very antiquated, still maintains that essence of childhood magic where anything is possible and my have been the inspiration for modern day tales about toys coming to life.

9. Elf (2003)

The freshest film of this top ten has been accumulating “classic” points in gobs over the past few years. Each passing Christmas, cable networks are allocating more and more airtime to Will Ferrell’s surreal portrayal of “Buddy,” the adopted human elf.

Ferrell sets his silly meter to maximum in this film, which is only balanced out by the reactions of timeless tough guy, James Caan. Elf is not only hysterical to kids and adults for different reasons, but it’s also able to maintain an original story. Not an easy feat in this genre.

8. Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) - Stop-Motion

This one’s more for the kids, but if you did see it as a child then it’s forever part of your holiday spirit. The 1964 stop-motion version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is not only a work of art but it really did bring the classic Christmas song to life. Knowing what goes into stop-motion animation, this film is even more impressive through mature eyes than that of a child, but on a story level, younger viewers will find the characters mesmerizing and unforgettable.

7. Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

Dudley Moore, John Lithgow, and Burgess Meredith, what else can you really ask for? This 1985 telling of Santa Claus’ origin is perhaps the most beloved of them all. Uniquely, this “Santa” movie does not have to rely on the strength of its main character. Instead it’s Dudley Moore’s “Patch” and John Lithgow’s “B.Z.,” that really solidify this film in the top ten.

This is one of the first films to delve into the specifics of just how Santa’s magic actually works and how he is able to visit every house around the world in just one night. It was a refreshing take on the character, as children of that era demanded more of an explanation than “he just can.” The time frame is also vehemently stamped into the film, as the “Wall Street” big business greed of the 80’s is the unmistakable villain, personified by top-notch expert antagonist John Lithgow.

Santa Claus: The Movie was a perfect title for this film because even today it remains “the” Santa Claus movie by which all others are compared.

6. Scrooged (1998)

There have been many twists and modern-day takes on the Charles Dickens classic, “A Christmas Carol,” but only one stands alone. Scrooged, starring Bill Murray, follows the story of anti-protagonist Frank Cross, a television network executive that has let success in his job overtake and all but eliminate the caring person he once was. A fantastic supporting cast helps Murray’s character realize what’s really important in life by showing him past, present and future events.

Scrooged has not only dug out a place on cable TV’s holiday programming loop, but to a younger generation it is the quintessential version of “A Christmas Carol” in their minds.

5. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

One of Tim Burton’s most revered works, this stop-motion masterpiece is a must see for any fan of superb animation. Add in Burton’s twisted yet heart filled storytelling of an anti-Grinch trying to bring Christmas to his Halloween dominated world, and you have one of the greatest animated works ever produced. Jack “The Pumpkin King,” has become one of the top recognized animated characters as this once holiday cult-classic is now simply, a classic.

4. Home Alone (1990)

A year after Christmas Vacation, director John Hughes gave holiday audiences another big-box present. The family film that turned Mucely Culkin into a household name was also the first to ever crack the half-billion dollar mark in box office gross. Joe Peci showed he can be entertaining without colorful language and that Catherine O’Hara had life after Beetlejuice.

The signature slapstick gags in the film may have lost their once laugh-out-loud status, but Home Alone will remain a holiday tradition for parents to share with their children for many years to come.

3. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

Black and white, singing and dancing, angels, a lesson learned, and Jimmy Stewart. It’s the Hallmark for the American Christmas film. The tone and feel of the film may be dated, but its message and Jimmy Stewart’s performance seems only to strengthen year after year. Incredibly, many critics considered this film a failure during its original release. Fortunately, their mistakes did not result in a reality where this film does not exist.

2. A Christmas Story (1983)

“Classic” is not a strong enough word for this film. Iconic, is probably more fitting. The countless amount of quotable lines alone is what gives credence to a 24-hour run loop on Christmas Day every year. Ralphie’s quest to obtain the coveted Red Rider BB Rifle has become a right of passage during the Christmas season. Unbeknownst to most, Peter Billingsly (Ralphie) has had a decent acting career since his apex during childhood, however the world will never be able to forget him as the boy who just might shoot his eye out.

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)

If there is not a copy of Christmas Vacation in the house, you might as well just dump the egg nog, unwrap the presents, pull down the lights, and set the tree on fire, because without this film it’s just not Christmas. Besides, you can have a lot more fun by watching all that stuff happen in the film.

It’s very unusual for a movie franchise to hit its high note during the third installment, but that’s exactly what happened for Chevy Chase’s Griswold clan. No film is more quoted during Christmas time, which is why its success was not of the instant brand. Opening at #2 back in December of 1989, Christmas Vacation utilized word-of-mouth praise, which carried the film to the box office top spot in its 3rd week. That snowball effect has also led to the film grossing half of its total theater dollars in VHS and DVD rentals.

Christmas Vacation is the consummate formula for comedy and holiday cheer and is not only a must watch during the month of December, it’s a must own.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

2010-11-30T13:14:00.002-05:00

It’s the beginning of the end for what will likely be herald as the most successful franchise in film history. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, the 7th film installment of the Harry Potter saga, is suppose to function as a spring board for the most anticipated portion of the protagonist’s story arc. Unfortunately, at the core of this film, loyal fans are only rewarded with even more anticipation.

In part 1 of this 2-part finale, Harry and his inseparable mates Ron and Hermione are on the lamb from Lord Voldemort and his minions. Laterally, the trio is also in a quest to find and destroy the four remaining horcruxes, which encase splinters of the dark lord’s soul. In fact it’s not just Harry who’s being hunted, anyone from non wizard or witch bloodlines is in danger as Voldemort attempts a takeover of the Ministry of Magic. With the “Wizarding World” under his control, Voldemort’s only remaining caveat to his supremacy would be the reminder of his greatest failure . . . Harry Potter himself.

The inherent flaw with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 is that unlike the rest of the films in the series, this chapter does not hold firm as a stand-alone story. It’s like going to see an Aerosmith concert with Huey Lewis and the News as the opening act. The only problem is that after 2 hours and 20 minutes of Huey Lewis, he leaves the stage and tells the audience that Aerosmith will be out to play in about 8 months. Deathly Hallows Part 1 is the chocolate cookie part of an Oreo that just won’t twist off; it only serves to set up the cream that cannot be accessed and in the end creates more frustration than satisfaction. The film is simply manic, following the core three characters on a roller coaster ride that spins at 55 mph but only inches forward. Too much time is spent trying to strengthen and crystallize the relationship between Harry, Ron and Hermione. Other fan favorites such as Alan Rickman’s Severus Snape or Mathew Lewis’ Neville Longbottom deserved more than just a one-shot cameo, no matter how the source material was constructed.

Perhaps the eminent factor to this film’s square-peg syndrome is the lack of the series’ most colossal staple, the Hogwarts School. Hogwarts, the school where Harry and his peers have been learning magic for the past 6 films, is one of the most important and overlooked characters of the franchise. To see the condition and state of Hogwarts in this film would have been very satisfying even if it were skewed by dark influences. In fact, that revelation would have strengthened the film’s overall and encompassing emotions to a higher degree than characters constantly running through the woods.

What Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 does manage to achieve is the seamless and continuing submersion of darkness where The Half-Blood Prince left off. David Yates is back in the director’s chair for his third Potter film (Order of the Phoenix, 2007, Half-Blood Prince, 2009), which was the appropriate choice as he carries out the facelift of mood and undertones from the last film. Yates shrouds this film in chaos with more of a documentary “shaky cam,” style to convincingly sell the fact that the protagonist’s lives have turned upside down.

The silver lining to the film’s obsession with the trio’s relationship is that it gave the actors a chance to somewhat expand on their characters. Performances from Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint as Harry and Ron respectively, were just as solid as their past performances. Radcliffe though was able to show a little more gusto than he’s used to with his character as Harry exhibits small flashes of why he’s the “chosen one,” still waiting for his “Neo” moment. However, it was the character of Hermione played once again by Emma Watson that really captured center stage in this chapter. Hermione is the most intellectual of the close-knit chums and takes on the responsibility of keeping them safe in their fugitive status. Watson was able to deeply tap into Hermione’s angst of balancing her love for her best friend (Harry) and her boyfriend (Ron) while simultaneously trying to remain strong and focused on the task at hand.

Since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 was based on only a portion of a complete book, it certainly plays out as such, and to no extreme fault of its own will most likely be the least replayed chapter of the series. However, there were some golden opportunities overlooked by the writers and director that could have eased rabid fan’s appetites as they wait a long 8 months for steak and potatoes after dinning only on Saltines.

Story: 7.0
Acting: 8.0
Writing: 7.5
Captivation: 7.5
Replay Value: 6.0

Total = 7.2

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Big Fish Recap 11/4/2010: We Did It!

2010-11-04T11:02:00.001-04:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy. The Cobra Kai softball team has gone through many things together and has been honing their skills over the years preparing and preparing under the tutelage of the Swami for greatness. The team has championships under their belt, many great wins, but that one GREAT win has always eluded the team. It is almost the Amy we have been chasing since inception, something that would define greatness for us.

Enter the Sharks. In 2002 the Sharks won their first ever Red Bug Lake Championship and proceeded to dominate the league relentlessly for nearly the next decade. The Sharks beat up on a young and up and coming Cobra Kai team many times over the years without mercy. They even made it personal by signing our 2008 1st round draft pick and rookie phenom AC after only 2 promising seasons with the Kai.

Well, sometimes when you want something so bad it becomes your every obsession. Our team never admitted it but a win over the sharks was the one pelt we wanted to add to our trophy case more than anything. “I’ve always said Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." Capt tucci told the team before the showdown.

Enter The new and improved Cobra Kai in an epic showdown of good vs evil October 29, 2010 as a day that will live in Red Bug Lake infamy. The game started off in usual Kai fashion we struck first behind a leadoff single and consecutive hits by the team to set the table for the Swami to give the team a 3-1 lead after one inning and just enough confidence to let everyone know……we can do this!

The Teams battled back and forth for 4 innings trading barbs and the Cobra Kai defense was playing the usual bend but don’t break attack. Johnny Blaze came to play on this day and certainly set the pace defensively in the infield. He broke out his Miyagi Glove and swatted down everything the Sharks shot his way killing every Shark Attack ripping out the teeth of the line-up by taking away their shots down the 3rd base line. “Experience tells you what to do; confidence allows you to do it." Blaze said after the game.

The Sharks kept coming but the Kai kept winning every inning and that was the game plan….stay within striking distance. “ I told these guys, keep us in the game until the seventh and that’s when we strike, I guaranteed the guys if we are in it in the bottom of the 7th WE WILL WIN!” Oil Can Spragus told the press after the game. Spragus made his usual veteran stop at 2nd killing another Shark rally snagging a hot screaming line drive up the middle as his veteran presence helped propel the team’s confidence.

With the Sharks rallying a crucial play at the plate allowed Sully to make his presence known by putting his club foot in front of home plate to tag out at home plate and kill the Sharks rally in the 5th. “ My foot is a few inches bigger from the Club Foot infection and it is a bit numb, so I just wanted to catch the ball and make sure they didn’t score so I could tell my new girlfriend all about it” Sully said after the game.

DonJuan continued his league leading OBP% raising it to .992 and Super Koko was right next to him in the line-up providing his SuperPowers at the bottom to propel the team. When an opposing Sharks General tried to put down the Kai at 1st SuperKoko stepped in and said “Excuse me, General, would you care to step outside?” and at that moment you could see the trepidation in the Sharks eyes and they knew they were no match for the New Cobra Kai.

Well, the team kept chipping away. We had our moment in the 7th when the Sharks made their move.

Enter the bottom of the 7th the Kai down 4 with everything on the line. A crucial coaching move by the Capt Tucci’s new and improved line-up allowed the kai to start the 7th with the top of the line-up leading the way. A single, a Spragues double ensued, a Swami deep fly ball for a quick run chipped away at the lead. And then it happened. The Sharks decided to walk Trox and his mighty bat to get to Roundhouse Reger. A proper coaching report would have let the Sharks now RoundHouse owns THE Hottest Bat in the Kai clubhouse currently as he was sporting 13 hits in his last 13 appearances including 3 crucial big hits in the game so far. “I Changed my approach and with a few more power bats in the line-up I put forth my concentration on giving the team the best chance to win by smashing line-drives instead of HR’s” Reger said after the game. Well, his new approach has sparked the Team tremendously. Then it happened………………Roundhouse took a 3-2 pitch and drove it to Deep Center over the CF’s head with Cliff and Capt. Tucci sprinting for his life representing everything we have worked toward since the beginning. “You become a champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough, you fight one more round.” Capt Tucci said as he was greeted at home plate by the whole team in celebration of our first victory over the Mighty Sharks.

The Kai left that night winners………but our Journey is Not Finished.

To Be Continued Under the Friday Night Lights

Big Fish Recap 9/22/10 - It's a Bird . . . It's a Plane . . .

2010-09-22T16:02:00.001-04:00

The defending Champion Cobra Kai needed only one inning Friday night to reestablish their dominance in Red Bug Lake. The Kai struggled in their road opener after a few weeks off and looked a little rusty. However, Capt. Tucci was not about to allow the team to fall to 0-2 for the first time in six seasons.

Well, the Kai came out swinging and batted all the way through the order and posted a whopping 11 runs in the first inning….that’s right 11 frickin runs in one inning. The whole team batted the ball around and it seemed to deflate the life in the H& Tattoos as the Swami tattooed “We Own Your Ass” on the Center fielder just for good measure.

Oil Can Sprague’s was ready to re-assert his dominance and H&H felt his wrath right from the get go as he was on his game stifling poor H&H hitters all night allowing 1 hit and 0 Earned runs in 3 1/3 innings before exiting to a standing ovation from the Red Bug Lake Crowd.

Oil Can then inserted himself into the Outfield to protect his shut out for the team and performed as rover and made a leaping catch to save the Shut out for the Troxinater in the bottom of the fifth. “I surely didn’t know the old man even had any legs left on him…..but when he leaped into the air I thought it was Superman flying through the red bug lake night” The Swami said after the game.

Trox and his brother in arms The Cliff Hanger both laid a beat down on the H&H pitching staff jacking two out and hitting the rest to the fences until the will of our opponents was nearly gone. The breaking of their back and the tipping point for the game came in the bottom of the 4th when Koko donned his “Giambi Pink G-Strings” and unleashed a game breaking GRAND FRICKIN Salami deep down the Left Field line to put a nail in the coffin for H&H. Koko Is surely turning into his true alter ego of Superman, he will be missed this week as he takes a trip back to planet Krypton.

"Some people can read War and Peace and come away thinking it's a simple adventure story. Others can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and unlock the secrets of the universe. Well, I can’t do either but I did just hit my first Grand Slam” Koko said after the game.

“It wasn’t the best route I have ever seen, but I will take it” Johnnyblaze said after the game. Blaze was displaying his Miyagi Glove at the Hot corner snatching everything hit his way on this night much to the chagrin of the Tattoo artist hoping to get something going. DonJuan increased his all time league leading OBP % to .991 in honor of his wife’s birthday wishes.

“I just wanted to a get a quick win tonight as our thoughts were with one of our fallen teammates “Sully” whom was in the hospital battling a leg infection he suffered while rescuing a dog from a burning building” Capt. Tucci said after the game. The Game ball was awarded to Sully for his heroic efforts.

The Kai Take on their rivals the Sharks this Week in a defining game in this evolving rivalry. The Kai are primed and ready for battle with their new Weapons while the Sharks are smarting from a tough loss to Swim N Fun.

See You Under the Friday Night Lights for the Showdown.

Big Fish Recap 8/19/10 - Champions!

2010-08-19T11:47:00.000-04:00

The 5th seeded Cobra Kai headed into Friday Night’s Championship game with one thing and one thing only on their minds………to win another Damn Championship!

The Kai’s gritty gutty and savvy veteran Oil Can Spragues took the mound for the Kai and was undefeated in postseason play and looked to keep that record alive in the Championship. “I simply told my guys, Hey….Failure is Not an Option tonight Boys” Sprague said after the game.

The Kai advanced to their fifth championship game and were looking to add another banner to the All Valley rafters after a stunning sweep in the playoffs last week . Spragues had a solid outing for the Kai on the mound fanning 2 and only allowing 3 runs over 7 innings to complete his impressive post season performance.

Capt. Tucci and his roving team of bandits in the outfield were the story on this night for the Cobra Kai. Tucci was up to usual antics out there running down every shot the G-Force sent his way and the Swami was right there to pick up any shot to Left as the outfield shut down the G-Force all night. “ We knew they were a power hitting team and we had to bring our A-game tonight if we wanted to have a shot at our 3rd championship and no way we were going to let Oil Can down” Tucci said after the game. The Swami had something different to say……”I have learned that in sports, you aren’t considered a Real Champion until you have repeated as a champ….for this team to now have 3 championships and in the manner we did it makes me proud to don the Black and Gold every Friday Night.”

The Kai were missing “Wild Man” Wilson for the championship game but it was no need to panic for Capt. Tucci as he artfully sacrificed Roundhouse Reger and his Cannon arm from his OF squad and borrowed him to the Infield for the game to protect the Hot Corner.

“My Mentor Mr. Vincent Lombardi once told me: The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual. Also, I have finished twice a few times in my life and I hated it…thus I was willing to do whatever it took to help us win the Whole Damn Thing” Reger said after the game. Well, Regs had several crucial plays at the hot corner on this night eating up every hit his way and gunning down the poor G-Force victims of his cannon. Regs also chipped offensively with 2 timely hits to help propel the Kai to victory.

The Kai jumped out to an early lead thanks in part to the Swami swatting a shot to right Field to open up the game in the second and the Kai’s newest assassin “China” belting another shot over the wall to give the Kai a 6-1 lead in the 4th inning.
The DonJuan continued his post season OBP% keeping it at the league leading .965 mark and getting on base at crucial moments on the night. Koko kept up his assassin style hitting attacking the left field line keeping G-Force fielders baffled enough all night to open up the field for the rest of the team. Everyone contributed at crucial times in the Kai’s 7-3 victory which found them claiming their 3rd League Championship.

“Strength and winning does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will…and that is what this team has” JohnnyBlaze said after the game.
Well, the Kai celebrated in style at Gators downing 46 pitchers and Sully even donated his time to a girls youth group there helping them learn how to sing on stage and helping their mothers manage the night.

All in all it was another great night in the history of the storied Cobra Kai Franchise!!!

The Kai were given the week off by Capt. Tucci for their accomplishments but look to defend their title in two weeks as the Fall League gets under way. The Kai are considered 3-1 favorites to repeat.

See You Soon Under the Friday Night Lights!

10 Greatest Apocalyptic Movies Ever

2010-08-18T14:22:00.003-04:00

The 10 Greatest Apocalyptic Movies of All Time

10. Independence Day (1996)

One of the most hyped movies in cinema history, ID4 was a huge hit at the box office as it rode the coattails of its very well made trailers. Giving an ominous view of a world invasion by hostile extra terrestrials and the complete obliteration of the Empire State Building and The White House, Independence Day fooled many moviegoers into seeing one of the greatest popcorn flicks ever made. The aliens were unoriginal, the plot was something out of a bad comic book, and the writing was dripping with melted mozzarella.

After the initial outrage wore off, this film has now been accepted for what it was originally meant to be . . . fun. This is one of the last movies to use incredibly detailed models for special effects before CGI took over the industry. It also spawned an entire entourage of popcorn apocalypse flicks like Armageddon, Mars Attacks, 2012, etc. And sometimes forgotten this film not only launches the career of Will Smith, but it also has some other great tongue-in-cheek performances by Jeff Goldblum, Judd Hirsch, and who can forget one of the greatest pump-you-up speeches of all time by Bill Pullman.
“WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT! WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT!” If you don’t get goose bumps during that scene, you are dead inside.

9. 28 Days Later (2002)

This movie is much more than 99% of people’s introduction to Cillian Murphy. It is quite possibly the greatest zombie movie ever made. And there have been more than a few in Hollywood’s history, especially in its golden age. 28 Days Later is a chilling documentary style look into a world where an incurable virus has run rampant across England and possibly the world. Those infected have been reduced to animalistic, rage-endued cannibals. It was a truly scary movie that came along just when people were beginning to think scary movies were dead. Oh the irony.

8. War Games (1983)

Before he was breaking the 4th wall in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, he was breaking into NORAD as David Lightman. War Games was one of the first movies that showed the dark side of technology in a much too realistic Cold War setting. Warning us how we could go from Defcon 5 to Defcon 1 in a matter of days all because of a glorified and deadly game of tic-tac-toe.

No Joshua, I would not like to play a game.

7. The Terminator (1984)

If Joshua was the opening act, then Skynet is the main event. Just one year later, audiences got another and even scarier look into the dangers of artificial intelligence. Making the name Schwarzenegger a staple in American households is a grand enough feet, but The Terminator became so much more than Ahhhnold’s signature character. It embodied the prototypical evil robot. After The Terminator, any mention of robots, good or bad, you couldn’t help but think of the T800 endoskeleton with that ominous music in the background. And the effects have far from worn off. Even today, any scientific news story or corporation gloating about the slightest advance in AI, and that music immediately starts to fade into your brain as a shiny metal skull emerges out of a fiery apocalyptic future.

Or maybe that’s just me.

6. WALL-E (2008)

An incredible animated film, quite possibly the best ever. It deserved every bit of the Academy Award nomination for Best Picture. This computer generated masterpiece strikes right into the soul of what could be a greater threat to humanity than aliens or machines combined . . . us.

Even though it’s animated, Pixar is able to illustrate an Earth that looks just as bleak as any post apocalyptic movie before it. A complete wasteland filled to the brim with our garbage, no signs of plant or human life. All that remains is a lone waste-collecting robot trying to complete an impossible task for the past 700 years. Meanwhile the last colony of humans float aimlessly through space on a resort ship, atrophying their bodies and brains.

Unlike other dystopian films, a robot is the only one who can awake our humanity.

5. The Book of Eli (2010)

Once again we’ve gone and blown ourselves up. However this film addresses something other doomsday movies tend to leave waning. How do you completely reboot society? And what would be the most important component in doing so? In a world where we’ve been nuked back to the bartering system, the most powerful weapon is the written word. Especially the words in the book Denzel Washington’s Eli must protect with his life.

This film shows how the human condition comes around full circle, unfortunately. Another great villain played by Gary Oldman, and Denzel in full badass mode, this film gives a glimpse of what may have been the beginning of society by showing you its future.

4. Planet of the Apes (1968)

When talking about apocalyptic films, sci-fi films or just films in general, no other word can accurately label the original 1968 Planet of the Apes besides, “classic.” Charlton Heston’s most signature role of Colonel George Taylor is only rivaled by his portrayal of Moses in The Ten Commandments. Spinning off 4 sequels and 2 remakes, this is one of the most important science fiction films of all time. The most chilling warning of human extinction at our own hands comes in the form of a twist ending that would reign supreme for the next 27 years, right up to 1995’s The Usual Suspects.

3. Watchmen (2009)

One of the greatest comic book movies ever made. Watchmen takes you through a skewed version of 1985 where Richard Nixon is still president, super heroes have been outlawed and the Cold War is stronger than ever as the doomsday clock sits at 5 minutes to midnight.

This film may have characters running around in super hero costumes, but its underlying story was all too real at one point. The Cold War was one of the scariest times in this country and the planets history. So unpredictable the outcome of who would flinch first, Watchmen creates the first anti-villain to “solve” the problem.

2. Terminator 2 (1991)

The standard by which all action movies would be compared, Terminator 2 still reigns as the genre’s gold standard. The “next level” special effects still hold up to today’s best CGI, and the toughest chick in the world title belongs solely to Linda Hamilton’s Sarah Conner. Arnold’s “Mona Lisa,” took the Terminator franchise from cult classic to a worldwide blockbuster and cash cow, spawning off books, video games, toys, comics, a television series and 2 more films. And who could forget . . . Hasta la Vista Baby!

1. The Matrix (1999)

Building on the premise of the Terminator movies, The Matrix shows just how intelligent and cold AI can grow. Forget about building robots to destroy us, the Matrix machines have a much better use for our carcasses. Enslaving the entire human race without us even aware of it is a pretty neat trick. Machines use our bodies as their primary energy source while they enslave our minds into a virtual reality called “The Matrix.”

Sending Keanu Reeves career into the stratosphere, far away from his Bill and Ted days, and coining the phrase “bullet time,” are just two of the many effects this film has had on pop culture and the movie industry as a whole. Sort of a “Star Wars 2.0,” The Matrix is the patriarch to current day special effects films, redefining the possibilities for astonishing movie audiences.

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Big Fish Recap 8/11/10 - A SWEEP!

2010-08-11T16:22:00.001-04:00

Johnny Blaze once told me a story that I never forgot when we encountered a cocoon at a Cobra Kai training camp. He said:

"You see this little Cocoon? This month’s just about to emerge. It's in there
right now, struggling. It's digging its way through the thick hide of the
cocoon. Now, I could help it - take my glove, gently widen the opening, and
the moth would be free - but it would be too weak to survive. Struggle is
nature's way of strengthening it".

Well, to say the Kai have struggled this season would be an understatement. But we have battled injuries, travel obligations, and other obstacles in our path to a championship. However, after all that the Kai are a better team for it and entered Friday nights tournament clearly as the team to beat.

The Cobra Kai entered into Friday Nights playoffs with a deceiving 1-3 record but were without doubt still the team to beat in Red Bug Lakes Tournament. In our first matchup the Kai’s were pitted against the vaunted Silver Streak Pitcher and the Goonies. To say the Cobra Kai have the Silver Streak’s number is an understatement.

The Goonies have never beaten the Kai and we were going to make sure of this and leave no doubt who is the Red Bug Lake Champs by making quick work of the Goonies.

The Team was missing Roundhouse Reger but Capt. Tucci recruited two power hitting hitmen in his place as we welcomed “WorldWide” Will and Mr. Miyagi’s nephew China to the roster. Well, the Kai jumped out to a 7-0 lead in the first inning promptly batting through the order to start the game and setting the pace for the night. The Swami lead the way in the first half swatting a missile to Right Field to clear the bases and to get us on the board in the first.

“Oil Can” Spragues was looking for his first back to back victory of his career and would do everything in his power to make sure he didn’t let this one slip away. Oil Can had in impressive outing but the infield behind was equally impressive as Koko wore his Donny Baseball underoos on this night and nothing got past the infield and Capt. Koko’s squad. Johnny Blaze was patrolling the hot corner and Wild Man Wilson ate everything up at short as the Goonies were stifled offensively.

Well, Oil Can Sprague would not be denied of his first post season victory as he took matters into his own hands at the plate as well going 4-4 in the first game as the Kai took care of the Goonies handidly 19-5 en route to their first win of the tournament. After the game a disgruntled Silver Surfer complained in a post game interview when he said:

“It's unfair, it was like pitching to a healthy Lou Gehrig all night”.

Bring on the Beat Downs!
Then in the most highly anticipated rematch in Red Bug Lake history the Kai squared off against the Beat Downs whom were undefeated lead by former Kai Troxx and T-185 Rocket Arm.

The Beat Downs jumped on the board first tallying 3 runs and looking like they were in a groove. However, the Kai’s defense settled down after that and Capt. Tucci and his band of roving bandits in the outfield took over from there.

“In the first game we didn’t get many reps as the infield took care of business for us, The Cobra Kai are a team, so I told my guys let’s take over this game and not let another hit in” And that’s exactly what the vaunted Kai OF did from there on. The infield could only watch in amazement as the Swami ran down bullets off the Beat Downs bats and Capt. Tucci was up to usual antics with sliding catches with his new Italiano Mit.

At the plate the Kai’s came together once again as everyone contributed to this one. Spragues kept his hit streak alive, Swami kept abusing the Right Fielder and the New Guy “China” saved the fireworks for the bottom of the 4th when he belted a 2-3 fastball over the Left Field wall for the Cobra Kai’s first grand slam of the season. Koko was also on fire from the plate attacking with vengeance the Left field line blasting three shots down the line and even turning two of them into doubles with his blazing fast speed.

DonJuan continued to climb back atop the league leaders in OB percentage and Sully kept the emotional support high for the team in the dugout and with his gritty gutty hitting style never being denied an opportunity to get to first base.

After the Game DonJuan gave the team a pep talk and said:
“So to recap, throughout it all, there's been a lot of laughter, and a few tears. But in the end the clouds parted, and the good Lord himself decided it was meant to be. And that's how I finished the regular season batting .978.”

Overall, it was a great total team effort as the Cobra Kai destroyed the Beat downs en route to our Sweep Friday night preparing us for our championship Game this Friday.

The Kai take on G-Force in a rematch for the all the Marbles under the Friday Night Lights at 7:00 PM.

Big Fish Recap 6/17/2010 - Strike First, Strike Hard . . .

2010-06-17T13:14:00.001-04:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy. That is the Cobra Kai Creed. This past Friday night the Kai came together as a team and accomplished this goal in our heated re-match with Performance Radiator. The only problem…..we didn’t follow through on the NO Mercy mantra.

The Kai were primed and ready for the showdown and jumped out of the gate scoring 3 runs in the 1st inning. Oil can Spragues got the team going by stealing second and making sure to take out the 2nd baseman sending a message this game was going to be different. Wild Man Wilson fresh off his surgically fused T-850 arm drove in a pair to get us on the board.

The defense held strong and the Kai continued their assault well into the third inning posting a 8-1 lead. The Swami broke back out his assassin swing and attacked the Right Center field with relentless precision. Capt. Tucci also drove in a pair after being re-united with his new Frenzy Bat. Johnny Blaze continued his torrid hitting after being awoken a few weeks back by our next opponents the -G Force……which will be forever remembered as Johnny’s G-Spot revival game.

The Kai were rolling and posted a 12-2 lead. The game was so much in hand that Sully started scouting the other field as his man-crush Matt Barnes was busy destroying another opponent after his great Eastern Conference Finals run…..wait if he had a great run in the Eastern Conference finals he wouldn’t be playing softball in June?

The Defense was running on all cylinders as Mad Dog was pitching another gem. Koko was back in Donny Baseball mode wearing his Mattingly underoos making great plays at 1st base and Oil Can Spragues made the play of the night snagging a hard screamer to second and ending any chance of a radiator rally. The Swami also gunned down a los aggressivos player that dared test his arm…..learning what the rest of Red Bug Lake already knows don’t ever try the Swam.

The DonJuan was battling the heavy pressure of a 22 inning consecutive RBI streak that given the long media exposure he had to deal with from his Consecutive hit streak began to take its toll. “I’d walk through hell in a gasoline suit for the Cobra Kai, but this streak is too damn much” DonJuan said after the game. DonJuan did pitch in with 4 RBI’s but ending his consecutive RBI at bat streak.

Then in the bottom of the 6th it happened. Los Radiators put on a hitting display we have not witnessed in a long time. “We let our guard down, and eased off the gas pedal for an inning and Performance Radiator made us pay” Capt. Tucci said after the game. "The team that wins two-thirds of its one run games usually wins the League” Johnny Blaze was quoted as saying.

Well, in the bottom of the sixth Performance radiator rallied back and once they got the lead the Umps in a very precarious move called the game due to time constraints. However, on the adjacent field to us the other 7:45 game featuring Matt Barnes continued to play for 2 more innings. “That’s a heartbreaker” Mad Dog said after the game.

Well, the Cobra Kai look to follow through on our No Mercy Mantra Friday night as we square off against Johnny Blazes rival the G-Force.

See You Under the Friday Night Lights!

Big Fish Recap 5/27/10 - That's Two In A Row . . .

2010-05-27T11:52:00.000-04:00

Swangin D's Got Thrown off the Road..

The last time the Cobra Kai squared off against the Swangin D, the Kai erupted for their most epic victory in club history a 22-0 romp that had Koko summoning his Tower Powers to actually amp down our collective super powers.

Well, the Team knew things would be different this time around and we had to prepare for battle. Capt. Tucci knew the team had what it takes to complete the season sweep of the D’s but knew we had to play together to accomplish it. Papa Tucci once told me “The best Captain is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it”, So I told the Guys, let’s go out and win this damn game and go drink some Cobra Kais”!

Wild Man Wilson was back and his newly re-fused T-385 Arm would be tested early and often and the team’s success depended upon it’s complete fusion with his body. Well, the first play of the game was a scorching shot in the hole at SS and Wilson ran it down and blasted a throw to Koko at first where he used his plastic man legs to complete the stretch and gain the out. After that play, you could sense the Cobra Kai knew it was “Game On.”

With Oil Can Spragues back at after a week hiatus the line-up was at near full strength minus RoundHouse Reger’s power. Well, in the top of the1st the Cobra Kai struck first after the Minister got on and Spragues does what he does best….give everything for the sake of the team. Mad Dog wanted some insurance so he immediately called for the Miyagi swipe upon Spragu’es single that left the team with runners on 1st and 3rd. Spragues immediately took for second giving his body up so the Minister could slide safely into home to start the Kai’s scoring streak.

The Swami was up to usual game mastering tactics commanding the Outfield to a bend but not break defensive mindset and vowing to leave the field with nothing short of a victory. “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women”. I know my teammates follow a lot of Women, So I know I have to lead them to victory every night” The Swami said after the game. The Swami seemed to be floating on a magic carpet gliding to with ease to deep shots that seemed to be trouble but, then out of nowhere the Swami was there to run them down and clot the bleeding.

Johnny Blaze continued his torrid hitting at the plate as he lead the Kai in batting after his inner beast was awoken last week. Blaze also displayed his Miyagi hands in several clutch plays at the hot corner to kill any Swanging D’s rallies. “They weren’t the best plays I’ve ever made, but they were decent enough” Blaze said after the game.

The DonJuan started a new streak, one that won’t be contested for quite some time as he found a way to generate an RBI with every at-bat on the night driving his RBI streak to 14 straight at-bats. On one particular at-bat it seemed his streak was in trouble when only Capt. Tucci was on the base path stuck at first. However, the DonJuan pelted a shot to right field and the Captain injected his beast gene of the gazelle, greyhound mix and sprinted from first all the way home to keep DonJuans streak alive and give the Cobra Kai a seemingly insurmountable lead at 9-3.
Koko continued his torrid play as well bashing two hits in his kid Icarus Shoes and matching pants. ““I'm not a prophet or a stone aged man, just a mortal with potential of a superman. I'm living on.” Koko said after the game.

Well, the Cobra Kai continued their win streak with a 12-5 victory setting them up for a showdown with the Undefeated league leaders Swim N Fun this Friday Night. However, the Cobra Kai have a secret weapon being flown in From Boston as we speak preparing for the showdown. To Learn more, be sure to be there under the Friday Night Lights as the Cobra Kai square off against the Swim N Fun at 6:30.

Big Fish Recap 5/21/2010 - Don't Mess with Blaze!

2010-05-21T09:15:00.001-04:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy that is the Cobra Kai Mantra. Well, The Kai took the field after being on the receiving end the last couple of weeks and were ready for revenge. Having never faced Performance Radiator and missing key veteran leaders “Oil Can Spragues”, Roundhouse Reger, and Wild Man Wilson whom was still reeling from the effects of his genetically fused T-850 arm as it morphs into him, the Kai were unsure of the fate the night had in store for them.

The team would need a Hero to save the day and help jump start their path to a championship. “I told my troops to be ready, because we have to pick up the slack left by our missing teammates” Capt Tucci said. The Swami had the Outfield in position and vowed not to allow any meltdowns out there. “I told Captain, Let’s go Son, give me the troops and I will lead them to the promised land”. The Kai had to call up one of their affiliate members Mike B. to help complete the Swami’s posse in the outfield while the Minister transitioned into the Infield. Mike B. Had several clutch plays in the OF under the watchful tutelage of the Swami and provided much needed speed on the bases.

Mr. Miyagi taught the Kai to always be fleet of foot and be ready for the challenges set before you, no matter how big or small. Well, fate was the first challenge as the bus from Tacoma was running behind and the Minister was late to the game signing the final contract status for Mike B. and his transfer papers. Never Fear, as Capt. Tucci made some quick changes and stepped into the lead-off spot ready to lead his troops to the promised land. The First inning saw the Kai strike first, as we chipped away at their pitcher and paved the way for 3 runs lead by DonJuan’s 1st of 7 RBI’s on the nights.

The Swami was his usual assassin at the plate dominating pitch counts and finding his way on base all night and even clearing them with a shot to the fences that broke the spirit of Performance Radiator.

The Real story of the night came in the later innings as two usually quiet leaders for the Kai decided enough is enough and they took the reins to be the vocal and field leaders the Kai needed so desperately on this fateful night.

The Usually quiet yet sure handed 3rd Baseman Johnny Blaze started the Kai’s fiery resurgence in the top of the 5th when he used his Miyagi hands to catch a throw from Short and attempted to turn a Double play to end the inning and stop a Rally at home plate. However, his T-850 Cyberdine targeting system does not account for objects larger than 395 lbs and thus he was not able to circumvent the target while still accomplishing the mission. Johnny’s throw bounced off the target and made a 90 degree bounce right into Fig’s glove for his second tag out of the night at home plate. The Ump could not believe his eyes and called the player safe thus enraging our opponents after their vanquished player at third yelled at Johnny claiming he did this to send a message to them. The usual quiet and calm demeanor of Blaze was temporarily shelved as he channeled his inner Chai but was unable to contain his pride as you do not question the Kai’s methods. Cooler heads prevailed as the Swami ran into to explain to Blaze that Irony has a funny way of showing itself.

Well, Irony did not have to wait long as Johnny Blaze stepped to the plate the next inning and drilled a shot to deep Left field directly over the head of his previous attacker and Blaze quickly strode home with an in the park HR staring down the man who dared step up to Blaze’s dojo. “It wasn’t the best HR I ever hit, but it sure did feel good to jam it down their throats” Blaze said.

Our Opponents had one last fight in them in the bottom of the 6th trailing by 8 runs. They chipped away with a few runs and just as a rally was starting for them the Kai’s other hero of the night decided to surface and end the game once and for all. The man wearing his Superman Underoos and his new performance pants and shoes ended their rally and stunned the crowd with his amazing play at First base. After putting two men on, the Radiators drilled one down the first base line where Koko jumped up in air and made a diving stop, then hopped right back up and sprinted, then dove to first to put out the unsuspecting runner and end the game in awestruck fashion. “I haven’t gotten dirty in awhile, and I knew we would be shorthanded tonight, Thus I decided it was time to break out the Superman underoos as I knew we would need em” Koko said after the game. Red Bug lake had thought for sure he was wearing plastic man underoos after he made a few amazing stretch plays at first earlier in the game.

Another, Kai member stepped up to provide big help was Sully. He stepped in at second and made several key plays and drilled two clutch hits in the 3rd and 5th inning to break the will of our opponents and let them know anyone of us can beat you at any time.

“That is the beauty of the Cobra Kai, on any given night anyone of our players can be the hero or the “Dave Roberts’’ The guy that sparks the team to victory.
Well, The Kai look to continue their winning Strike tonight as they square off against the newly rebuilt Swanging D’s in the rubber match after the Kai destroyed them last meeting.

See You Under the Friday Night Lights!

Big Fish Recap 5/13/10 - We Must Concentrate . . .

2010-05-13T12:20:00.002-04:00

The Cobra Kai squared off against an unknown foe one of which we had never seen before last Friday Night. Performance Radiator was a new gang to enter the ring at Red Bug Lake park, but the Kai were ready for the challenge!

The Kai jumped out to an early lead as we posted 3 runs to start the night. The Kai’s first 3 batters all got on and scored on the Big E “AKA” the Swami’s crushing hit to deep Left Center to bring the boys home. Mad Dog came out throwing flamers at the Los Raiders and the defense held strong taking them out in the bottom of the first 1-2-3.

Capt. Tucci took control of his bat and was giving No Mercy to the Los Raiders all night. The Captain was in the zone. “ I just wanted my troops to know that” It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get back up” We got knocked down last game so it was important to set the pace early that we were back Up.
The Defense was very solid in the first few innings as the Swami controlled the Outfield and Wild Man Wilson and his crew contained things in the Infield. I told my Outfielders and the rest of the Kai to don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. If we follow these basic premises we will be successful.

Well, then the tides turned a bit as the Los Raiders kept chipping away and the Kai were getting a bit too aggressive on the base paths and in the field. Mr. Miyagi’s teachings of patience slipped away from the Kai. The Team kept hitting very solid a but the Los Raiders summoned their own superpower of ‘Omnipresence” away from DonJuan and they seemed to be everywhere on the field making plays that looked like surefire hits and turning rally innings into inning ending double plays.
We played a great game, It wasn’t the Best game we ever played but it was very good. They just happened to make the plays when it mattered most” Johnny Blaze said after the game.

Sully, Reappeared in the late innings and had some words of wisdom for the team to remember. My dad once told me that a wise leader once said “The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory.”

Well, the Cobra Kai look to start their winning streak going this Week against the G-Force under the Friday Night Lights!

Iron Man 2

2010-05-10T17:24:00.011-04:00

Two of the hottest commodities in Hollywood over the past few years have been comic book based films and actor Robert Downey Jr.. However with the highly anticipated sequel to 2008’s Iron Man, both Downey and the genre take a small step backward.

Iron Man 2 returns us to the world of Tony Stark and his alter, yet publicly known, ego Iron Man. This time around Tony not only continues to battle copy cat villains trying to use his own technology against him, but he must also find a way to stop the life-saving tech inside him from poisoning his body at the same time.

Jon Favreau returns to direct the second installation of the Iron Man saga and does manage to replicate the same mixture of comic book action, ultra realism and authentic characters the audience can get behind. What Favreau was not able to replicate with this film was a coherent story. In 2008’s Iron Man it was rumored, and actually confirmed by Jeff Bridges, that most of the script was written on the fly. The fact that it all came together as well as it did was a miracle in itself. Sadly this time there would be no miracle, and if Iron Man 2’s story and script was not written as the film was produced, it definitely gave off that appearance. This film moves along like a Ferrari in a supermarket parking lot with extra speed bumps. The scenes are rushed and the editing is choppy, almost as if the movie was a big-budget junior high project, thrown together the night before it was due.

The film is not without its merit though. Robert Downey is just as good in his reprise as the eccentric Tony Stark as he was in the first film, however last time he had a superior script backing him up. Downey remains the truest embodiment of a comic book protagonist ever brought to life. And in a surprising step up from her performance in the original, Gwyneth Paltrow actually jumps into the character of Pepper Potts as deeply as some of her more acclaimed roles. In the first film it felt like Paltrow was just phoning it in, but in Iron Man 2 Paltrow really seems to believe in Potts, reaffirming her as an important staple in the overall canon of Iron Man. This also could have something to do with the fact that the character of Pepper Potts is the only one to actually have stronger material to work with in the sequel than in the original film.

The new additions of Mickey Rourke and Scarlett Johansson as Ivan Vanko and Natasha Romanoff, are more flash than they are substance. Neither actor gets to show any real chops and are used more like flavor enhancers than a great side dish. Ditto for Don Cheadle as he replaces Terrance Howard as Lt. Col. James Rhodes. Sam Rockwell did manage to animate the staleness with his portrayal of Stark rival Justin Hammer. Hammer is very much an extension of Rockwell's performance in 2000’s Charlie’s Angles as bad guy Eric Knox. This was a welcome addition as Rockwell does smarmy better than anyone alive and every time he and Downey shared a scene, a master’s class in charisma ensued. Unfortunately this happened far too seldom in the film.

Among the mess of a script, there is a shining star in the story . . . the technology. Science fiction has engulfed its audiences with so much outrageous tech throughout the years that fans have become very jaded, consequentially making it very difficult to have a real “wow” factor to new ideas. The fictional Stark Industries truly does feel futuristic, but even more importantly it feels realistic. This film displays some fantastic special effects for technology that is both awe inspiring and gives a sense of feasibility during the next decade.

Perhaps Iron Man 2 had too high a wall to climb, but falling a little short of its predecessor would have been forgivable had the story and script not been so far below the standard it help to stabilize in the genre. Some great dialogue does manage to get squeezed into the cut and paste scenes, and there’s nobody better in the business to deliver witty quips and banter than Downey. Also, Favreau included some fantastic comic book easter eggs, which is very important and appreciated by the genre’s hard-core fans. Unfortunately, dedication and respect for the source material was not enough to overshadow the obvious problems with the script and a very anticlimactic ending.

Story: 6.0

Acting: 7.5

Writing: 7.0

Captivation: 7.0

Replay Value: 7.5

Total = 7.0

Big Fish Recap 5/6/10 - Wax On, Wax Off

2010-05-06T10:34:00.001-04:00

As a boy growing up on the mean streets of Port Washington there were two constants in my life. Bob Ueker calling great Brewers games every memorable Spring and Summer day and my big Brother beating me up. Not a day went by that I didn’t get beat up or pushed around somehow someway, and there was basically nothing I could do about it. I tried every fashion to get him back, using illegal weapons (trophy’s, boots, butter dishes) anything I could get my hands on that would give me the advantage. In every sporting event it was usually my brother versus me and two or three of my friends……he would still usually beat us.

I hated every minute of it! However, one day unbenounced to me the tide turned. It happened when a friend and I were getting beaten up again for no reason. My buddy turned and looked at me and instead of running away we both went charging toward him and hearing Vince Lombard’s words in our heads we jumped into the air simultaneously and took him down with a double Crane Kick to the back and the knees. From that day forward things changed.

A similar story happened in Major league baseball. On October 17, 2003 Aaron ‘Bleeping” Boone crushed a devastating Home Run for the New York Yankees to lift them over the Red Sox once again in the ALCS and continue their dominance. Since 1918 up until that time the Yankees had won 27 World Championships and 40 AL Pennants compared to the Red Sox measly 0 World Championships and paltry 4 AL Pennants.

Why do I mention this? Because it is a foreshadowing of the Cobra Kai-Sharks feud. Once again the Kai took the field against the Mighty Defending Champion Sharks. And once again, the outcome was much the same. The Sharks and Kai battled back and forth and then the Sharks putting on a hitting display for the ages overcame the Kai. However, this game was different. The Kai didn’t back down at all, we kept battling and didn’t relent or give anything to the Sharks. The Sharks didn’t smell the blood in the water like they usually do against teams. Once they smell blood they go for the kill. However, this game they never achieved that ‘Kill” they simply took too many bites out of the Kai that we didn’t have enough of a base to complete our Crane Kick for the knockout.

The Sharks tried their usual power shots to the Gaps but the Swami was wise to this and adjusted the outfield to render their power hits useless. Roundhouse Reger ran down their blasts to Right Field and even gunned down an unsuspecting Shark at home plate trying to take too much heading home with no respect for the Kai. Reger also came through at the plate for the team punishing the Sharks for their lack of respect by putting one to the fence to spark the Team. However, it proved to be too little too late.

The Sharks are one of the most dominant teams in Red Bug Lake history. However, it should be noted they are also the “OLDEST” Team in our league. This game was different. It is only a matter of time before the tables turn and the Cobra Kai overtake the Sharks for league dominance. The Sharks know it and we know it. However, until that time we should be thankful for their “lessons” much like the same way Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel Son. At first, these lessons seem trite and a waste of time. But, I guarantee you one thing. In a few seasons, we will look back and say “Remember when these old guys use to beat up on us, yeah I can’t believe it…………let’s not let up and let’s go for the Mercy Rule on them just for old time Sakes”!!!!!

Until that time, just remember……Wax on….Wax Off……Wax On…..Wax Off!

See You under the Friday Night Lights! Let's Win this One For Johnny Blaze and Sully whom celebrated Birthdays this Week!!!

Big Fish Recap 4/29/2010 - Going the Distance

2010-04-29T11:14:00.000-04:00

The Cobra Kai squared off against their rival the Swim N Fun in an epic battle last Friday Night that came down to the wire. Coming off the biggest win of the young Cobra Kai’s career the team was without Sully after his huge game but as always the Cobra Kai were set to go to battle.

The Swami had his troops ready to go. I just told the guys” we can win this one, I know deep down we are better than them and It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run, impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle.”

The Kai took Elliot’s words to heart and sprinted onto the field looking for victory. The Team battled back and forth behind Mad Dog and some great defensive efforts on the Left Side of the Outfield. The Cobra Kai jumped out to an early lead led by some timely hitting by the Swami and the top of the lineup. Oil Can Sprague’s was back in action and introduced himself back to first base just in time to be knocked home. Our Newest addition Wild Man Wilson took it right up the middle right back at the Swim N Fun with reckless abandon and told them “You aint so Bad, You aint So Bad” and the Kai looked primed and ready for a big Win.

Donjuan Quintana kept his league leading On Base % intact for a third straight season after blasting 3 hits up the middle to set himself up for 2 easy scores. However, in the top of the 3rd a strange thing happened that seemed to be prophetic in the ways of the game. Wild Man Wilson blasted a shot up the middle but as he sprinted out of the box the bottom of his shoe melted away much like Kid Icarus when he flew too close to the sun. Koko, quickly turned to his watchtower to investigate the phenomenon.

“Apparently, when a new warrior is fitted with a T-850 arm their body needs a couple of weeks to fuse with it and become one. I was told by upper management that we were not ready to take over just yet, we must be patient and our victory against the Swim N Fun was to be saved for a big night, like the reunitiion of the lost members of the Cobra Kai returning to help us” I don’t know the exact date but my intuitions tell me it will be in a few weeks.” Koko said in a strange voice after the game, right before he shook his head and said…..”What, What did I just say, I blacked out for a moment”.

Captain Tucci and the Swami were kept busy all night in the outfield running down blasts down the left field line and then to the fences. The Swin N Fun were relentless in their assaults. Wild Man Wilson and Johnny Blaze were busy holding down the fort in the infield, but the Swim N Fun’s onslaught proved to be a bit too much for the Cobra Kai on that night.

“ I just wanted to go the distance with Creed and the Swim N Fun, we’ve never gone the distance and that what we did” Johnny Blaze said after the game
It doesn't matter if you try and try and try again, and fail. It does matter if you try and fail, and fail to try again." Captain Tucci Said.

Well, the Kai lost the battle but have not lost the war. We have a big matchup against the hated Sharks this Friday night. On another note, the Dojo has learned that the Mighty Sharks are actually named after a gang from the 1950’s musical the West Side Story. Yes, that West Side story that features the mighty Officer Krupke. West Side Story is a touching love story about the Sharks and the Jets.

Oooohhhhh…..are we really going to lose to a team named after a Musical??????? Let’s show them what the Cobra Kai are all about this week under the Friday night Lights!

Big Fish Recap 4/22/10 - TRAVESTY!

2010-04-22T10:23:00.000-04:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy. That is the Cobra Kai Mantra and in all my years of following sports I have never seen the Cobra Kai follow through on that ideal in such an amazing way as they did this past Friday night.

The phenomenon that I witnessed is one that I don’t expect to see ever, and I mean ever again unless Red Bug Lake implements a Title IV ruling allowing Women to compete in our league. In the first inning the Cobra Kai seemed to be infused with DonJuan’s super power of “omnipresence” as it seemed like every player was on base at all times except when the Swami himself utilized his cyberdine targeting system to unleash ungodly hell on the Swanging D’s and clear the bases at his disposal.

The Defending champs began the season with a new addition as Mike (Yet to be Named) Wilson returned to the champs after a devastating shoulder injury. However, with the departure of Trox, the Swami was able to recapture his T-850 arm he gifted to the Troxinater and bestow it onto Wilsons surgically repaired shoulder. Tests are inconclusive but from all signs it seems to be a success.

In the first inning the Cobra Kai successfully batted through the line-up two times….Yes You read that correctly….Twice jumping out to a 15-0 lead. The Defending Champs were absolutely unstoppable. The team was flummoxed at their newfound powers. Oil Can Spragues could not be in attendance but his Super Power “Psych Out” Gift could be heard from miles away as the team immediately heard him saying…..Beware of THE TRAVESTY” rule…..Beware of “TRAVESTY”…….and thus the Kai did not know how to react as they had already beaten the life out of their newest opponents the Swanging D in one short half inning.

In that inning the Big Fish hit an infield double. That is correct he hit the ball to the 2nd basemen and simply sprinted past both the first baseman and 2nd basemen on his way to 2nd base. Sully, came through in the biggest fashion with the greatest hit of the night blasting a shot over the Centerfielders head for an in the park grand slam.

“You never know who is going to step up for the team and be the hero and tonight that man was Sully” Capt. Tucci said after the game. “I have been preparing for this moment my whole life, and when the Captain called my number I was ready to go” Sullly said after the game. After a devastating first inning the Swanging D’s were brutally beaten and grasping for life with every breath. Koko, had attacked their Leftfielder so bad he was left wandering around the outfield in a daze with no shoes or socks completely disoriented after the effects of Swami’s Targeting System, Koko’s relentless punishment, and Roundhouse Regers “Moonshine Muscle” power left the outfield dazed and confused.

The Cobra Kai lives by the credo of No Mercy but the team was in serious jeopardy of not being able to follow through on this mantra. Immediately, Koko utilized his superpower of Watchtower prognostication and found a system that is able to suppress the team’s super powers for a limited time. “I was hesitant to install this untested system, but I felt I had to as if I didn’t the other team could have gotten seriously injured or killed, I was left with no choice but to go forward with it” Koko said after the game. Although, he only deactivated a few players superpowers it still was not enough as the Umps sensed the serious problem and finally called the game at 22-0 and put the Swanging D’s out of their misery in the 2nd inning.

The Cobra Kai looked to continue the defense of their championship this Friday as they face their heated rivals the Swim N Fun in a chance at redemption from last season.

See You Under the Friday Night Lights!

Kick-Ass

2010-04-21T17:14:00.004-04:00

Splice together the fundamental story telling of Spider-Man with the ultra-realism of Watchmen, and then finish it off with some heightened violence, Kill Bill style.
The result . . . a very Kick-Ass film!

Hollywood continues to ride the comic book money train, but a fantastic side effect in their quest for cash is that producers are diving more and more into lesser-known stories and graphic novels. Kick-Ass is such a story, based on the graphic novel written by alternate reality god, Mark Millar. Protagonist Dave Lizewski, aka Kick-Ass, narrates his tale about what would happen in the real world if a random citizen with no real purpose to avenge or hero code to uphold, just decided to suit up and start fighting crime. Baffled by the ratio of superhero fans to actual superheroes, Lizewski decided to be a pioneer and create a crime-fighting alter ego. However to his surprise, Kick-Ass finds that he’s not the only costume-clad hero patrolling the streets after all.

This film excels in its ability to explore new alleys of a genre in which it is very difficult to produce completely original ideas. Kick-Ass is able to deliver the inconvenient and brutal truth to why vigilantism is not a booming business. Slapping on some tights does not magically enhance someone’s fighting abilities or protect them from blades and bullets. However, it does strike a nerve in the collective soul. And in the age of the viral video it’s easier than ever to reach millions of people in just a few minutes, something that this film portrays very realistically.

With the exception of Nicolas Cage, who plays Big Daddy, the cast is primarily made of virtual unknowns. Of course many will recognize McLovin, (Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Superbad) as the Chris D’Amico/Red Mist character, but for the most part the cast is very fresh. Aaron Johnson (Dave Lizewski/Kick-Ass) does a fantastic job embodying the every-day kid with a superhero complex. Johnson is able to truly connect with the audience and give a sense of his frustration with society but at the same time exude just how petrified he is to do something about it. As the hero Kick-Ass, Johnson also triumphs by construing the confidence a simple change of clothes can instill despite struggling with the fear of his own mortality.

Cage and Mintz-Plasse bring the goods to their perspective characters as expected, but the indisputable diamond in the ruff in this film is Chloe Moretz who plays Mindy Macready/Hit Girl. The character of Hit Girl has the ability to induce the audience to laugh, cringe and shout “Damn!” simultaneously throughout the film. Any reservations about the validity of an 11-year-old girl fighting grown adults are washed away with Hit Girl’s first appearance on screen. She gains instant credibility as the smallest badass on Earth.

Kick-Ass is able to stay true to the raw brutality of its characters, which in part made them so popular in the graphic novel. But amazingly the hard-core violence does not shadow the characters’ personalities. It’s easy to feel a real connection with them and although murder is everywhere, it’s secondary to the underlying message of the film.

Although Kick-Ass starts out with a brutal reflection of the real world, it does gradually work its way to the surreal of comic cells. However it is not a jarring leap, the action escalates gradually and significantly bends but does not break the rules of reality. Kick-Ass definitely lives up to its title, leaving viewers with sensory overload and an inkling to jump online to purchase brightly colored costumes and firearms.

Story: 8.5
Acting: 8.5
Writing: 8.5
Captivation: 9.5
Replay Value: 9.0

Total = 8.8

Big Fish Recap 4/7/2010 - THE CHAMPS!

2010-04-07T10:45:00.002-04:00

We all know Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy is the Cobra Kai Creed. The team followed through on 2 out of 3 in the our quest for our 2nd Championship Friday night but would it be enough? Perfect might be the enemy of the good, but good enough proved perfection's greatest ally in the Cobra Kai’s quest at an undefeated Season in Conference and a Championship trophy to add to our banners hanging at Gators.

The Kai were pitted against our wannabe rivals the Goonies and we jumped out to an early 9-0 lead despite playing a man down as Oil Can Spragues was delayed in a speaking visit to Daytona Beach. Double S was also missing as he had a prior commitment to our double A franchise.

However, the Cobra Kai would not let anything stand in between the team and a date with destiny to raise the trophy one more time.

“ Vince Lombardi once told me The Strength of the group is the strength of its leader and the harder you work the harder it is to surrender. And I just told myself there was no way I was going to let the Cobra Kai walk away from the field Friday night without that trophy in hand” The Swami told reporters after the game. The Swami came ready to play and the “Big E” started things off early for the Kai as he had a bases clearing triple to start the game and set the pace for the Kai early on. Everybody contributed offensively once the pace was set and the team batted through the line-up to start the game off.

Capt. Tucci was breaking in his new bat and banged home two runners including the DonJuan whom secured his second straight On Base Percentage title by safely reaching base all four at bats Friday night and ending the season with an .997 OBP%. “Los Pendehos will never hold me down, and I have nobody to thank but my teammates for this, and it is all worth it to raise the trophy” DonJuan said through his interpreter wife Jen after the game.

SuperKoko wore his destroyer Underroos Friday night relentlessly attacking the Left Field line until injuring yet another Left Fielder and putting him down for the count. The Goonies were so baffled by our relentless assault on the bases they had to change fielders three times to try and shore up holes the Kai exploited.

However, the Team forget to deliver on our motto of “No Mercy” as after posting an early 10-2 lead the team began planning the celebration at Gators and let the Goonies creep back into striking distance for a brief period led by the stellar play of their hot fielding pitcher the pony tailed Silver Streak.

“At first I was worried about the game being called for Travesty, but then the team started testing their pitcher and going right at him, I knew he was a crafty veteran and told the team to hit away from him” the teams veteran spokesman Oil Can Spragues said after the game. Once the Kai realized this they settled down and were able to put the game away.

Johnny Blaze was in full control of the Infield snagging several line drives hit his way at third and his partner to the left SS Trox did much of the same. Trox also belted two line drives deep to keep the game in check for the Kai late in the matchup. Roundhouse Reger added three timely sacrifice fly’s late in the game to help seal the deal for the Cobra Kai.

The Team closed it out in the fifth and claimed our second Championship in team history. "Every player should be accorded the privilege of at least one season with the Cobra Kai. That's softball as it should be played - in God's own sunshine. And that's really living, but unfortunately for the rest of the league this is a family and we aint going nowhere so let the rest of Red Bug know this is Cobra Kai Country….Let’s do a Shot” Capt Tucci said after the game.

Well, The Kai won and completed their goal of winning another championship. The Team celebrated in style putting back a new record of 86 pitchers in celebration at Gators. Till, Next season the Cobra Kai reign supreme.

Kluge Chronicles - 4/1/10

2010-04-01T12:14:00.003-04:00

How’s it going Playaz? PJ with a new chronicle for ya ass! I’m going different with it this time because I don’t think the last post caught everybody’s attention. So I’m going to try something new. First off I’ve noticed that in order to make a statement on this blog you have to know some politics, healthcare fuck religion bullshit. I have my opinions but I mostly keep them to myself. However I do enjoy having an intelligent “one on one” to get a more open mind. For instance I’d like to hear an opinion on Hugo Chavez. Ever since I met Meritza, my Venezuelan wife, I have been trying to keep up with all the news on him. It seems to me that he is “trying “to do good for his country but all he is doing is making more money for himself and giving himself more power. I’ve speak to a lot of middle and upper class Venezuelan citizens and they say he is taking away more and more of their business. It sounds like he is going towards communism. Hugo claims to be helping out the poor who outnumber the upper and middle classes therefore giving him more power.

Although I feel stronger opinions on a few topics, I would not kill for some issues like abortion, healthcare whatever. What I’m trying to say I like to keep things simple. Although I enjoy intellectual conversations, I am much better with entertainment type shit and looking forward towards a positive future.

I had an idea in the shower today about sharing some of my entertainment type knowledge with all of you. I’d like to make a few suggestions on new and old entertainment media I feel everyone should watch or read at least once in their life. Now I can assume most of you have either read or saw the suggestions below but maybe it’s been a while. And if you didn’t then that’s a bonus to you. Also I will make a few comments on the suggested pieces. Three last things. 1. I’m not steeling the “Koko Review”; I’m merely making a comment. 2. I’m not stealing a G.O.A.T. top ten. 3. Some may not have time but if you do enjoy.
Suggested Shit

New Movie: Brooklyn’s Finest – Great movie directed by Antoine Fuqua, the same guy who did Training Day. It probably won’t win any Oscars, well Richard Gere could be nominated, but that’s it. It’s gangsta!

Old Movie: Do the Right Thing – Great movie directed by Spike Lee. I’ve been riding out to Public Enemy’s greatest hits album and every time I here “Fight the Power” I think of the opening credits with a hot Rosie Perez dancing her heart out.

Book: The Catcher and the Rye – Written by J. D. Salinger who is from the New England area and just pasted away last year. Yes I know it is high school material but when was the last time you read it? Reacquaint yourselves.

Album: Oracular Spectacular – by MGMT. MGMT is from Brooklyn, NY and this album came out in ’07. I personally like the album and feel it sounds like they were inspired by Pink Floyd.

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Big Fish Recap 3/31/09 - Live to Fight Another Day

2010-03-31T09:39:00.001-04:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy. Well that is the Cobra Kai mantra but that is not what we did last Friday night in our biggest game of the season against the Swim N Fun. The stage was set for a big showdown for second place and a clear path to the championship game. The Kai were primed and ready…..but we did not follow through for some reason on the field. I think everyone was gearing up for Neil’s big blowout birthday and the obligatory pie in the face at gators.

Swim N Fun jumped out to an early lead and they never looked back. Not much to write about from the game as once the Swimmers jumped out to their lead it appeared the Kai could not match their intensity level. The Swim knew they were playing one of the most elite teams in the league and they were not about to let that opportunity slip by.

“I wanted this game so bad, I was going to give everything I had and then some” Said the Swami after the game. Well, the Swami did that as he provided some pop for the team offensively and even smacked an in the park home run to try and spark a Cobra Kai rally. Well, unfortunately the team did not respond.

Most of us know the legendary packers Coach Vince Lombardi's famous quote: "Winning isn't everything; it's the only thing".

While he always put that kind of emphasis on winning, most of us don't know that he also said: "If you can't accept losing, you can't win." While we all like to win much more than we like to lose, in order to play and be a part of something greater, we have to be willing to take the risk that we might lose. It has to be accepted that losing is a natural a part of participating and of winning.

Well, the beauty of the Cobra Kai spirit is that we get to live again to fight another day. And that day comes this Friday as we take on our mini-rivals the Goonies. The team will use this loss as a learning tool and grow from it and we will have our chance for revenge in the playoffs.

“There were things said after the game that were tried to use to motivate the team, but when it’s all said and done were a family and the family that plays softball together stays together” Thus, the team will move on from Friday’s nights loss and become stronger together” Said Capt. Tucci after the game.

Well, the team certainly kept their championship pace at Gators as the Kai downed a record breaking 47 pitchers in celebration of Capt. Tucci’ 30th Birthday. Oil Can Spragues even successfully used a 300 lb lineman to sneak up on the Old Man Tucci and to complete the Pie in the Face tradition. Good Times.

I will see You under the Friday Night Lights!

Big Fish Recap 3/24/2010 - SWEEP!

2010-03-24T13:25:00.000-04:00

It’s a great night for Softball…..so let’s play two!

The Cobra Kai stood on the precipus of perfection Friday night looking for a sweep to keep their perfect record intact in pursuit of a second Red Bug Lake Championship. The DonJuan was looking forward to taking the field for the first time as a married man and the Kai were looking forward to Striking first and No Mercy!

Oh wait….even in the Big Fish Recap things can go wrong……….Capt. Tucci was called up to perform a government audit and would not be able to make the game, Roundhouse Reger was performing a camp for the little ones and was rumored to be late and the Minister was called to duty 4 hours south in Naples. And……what’s that on the side bar??……..it says the Cobra Kai have one loss???????? Oh wait, that is the forfeit we had to accept so we could attend SuperKoko’s dance off…..I mean Wedding.

Step in the teams elders and leaders to pick up the slack and keep the team on the right page:

Oil Can Spragues was back in this momentous game and refused to let the team walk away from Red bug with anything less than a sweep. “ Adversity can cause some men to break down, others to break records and I just battled my tail off and gave everything to get back on the field with my family the Cobra Kai and there aint no way in hell the Shroomers or the Beaners are going to yank a victory from us” Said Spragues before the game. “

“Ask not what your teammates can do for you, but what you can do for your teammate” the Great Swami said right before the game. I just told the guys a double header is a little like wrestling a gorilla like I did back home in my younger days, You don’t quit when you’re tired, you quit when the gorilla is tired and the gorilla don’t tire down” the Swami said.

Well, whatever they said it must have sparked the Kai as the team jumped out to an 11-0 lead to start off the night against Del Taco. The team then appeared to go into energy conservation mode on the offensive tilt to save their bats for the second game of the double header as we would only post 2 more runs the rest of the game. However, that is all we would need as the Defensive side of the team held strong lead by a huge play in the Outfield by the swami himself. Sully thought the team needed a spark so he baited a del taco hitter to 3rd base and then let the Swami complete one of his patented Swan dive bounce back unleash hell throws home to nail a beaner and end any thoughts of a rally for Del Taco. “ All I saw was a Flash in Center Field, dirt fly up and blood spurt out from the Swami’s knee but then I noticed the ball come hurling immediately out of his hand coming right to home plate and I thought we are going to nail this guy somehow, and that is exactly what we did” Sully said after the game.

The team won the first contest by shutting down Del Taco in the bottom of the 7th to preserve the victory 14-11.

That brought us to the much anticipated match-up with the hot hitting newbie’s the Shroomers. The Shroomers were a solid team but they had one glaring weakness in Right Field. Well, it didn’t take long for the savvy veterans of Cobra Kai to figure it out and attack with relentless precision.

Spragues was carrying a 5-5 hit streak and Elliot blasted 2 huge bombs down to right center. Roundhouse Reger also blasted two down the Right Center way and before you knew the Kai had a 8-1 lead. SuperKoko was sporting his Flash underoos for this game as he was clocked at an amazing 6.4 in the 90 foot dash running the bases with a reckless abandon. The DonJuan picked up right where he left off sliding back into the league lead for On base percentage to make his new wife happy.

The big spark of the night was a new and improved Fig who was coming off an injury plagued year last season but there appeared not to be any lingering effects. Fig reached base on every at bat in the second game, stole two bases and had the play of the night tagging out a shroomer at home plate to seal a victory from another amazing play from the Swami. Johnny Blaze was his usual self patrolling third base making sure no Shroomers got by him on the night.

The Cobra Kai completed the Sweep despite the absence of their field general Capt. Tucci. “It just goes to show you what a team can accomplish when they come together for a united cause” Johnny Blaze said at the post game press conference.

Well, the Team looks to continue their winning ways this Friday Under the Friday Night Lights.

Kluge Chronicles - 3/23/2010

2010-03-23T12:37:00.002-04:00

Ok, I know it’s been a while since my last Kluge Chronicle but Johnny just inspired me with that great fire from within him. I’ve seen it personally and you do not want to go there, especially after a few beers and some billiards. Besides, I finally have a few things to talk about. Sadly enough it happens once every so often. If you haven’t noticed my posts it’s because I don’t have anything to say or I randomly state the obvious. But so what, who cares.

I’d first like to talk about the show LOST. Anyone with me? I love this show. I am sad that it is ending but it has to or it will get played out. I like how the writers trick me with the double story line every season. First there are flashbacks, then flash-forward and now they are the bizarro world. I like the bizarro world. I always thought these characters had fucked up lives, which they did and is the reason their characters dragged me into watching the show in the first place but after five years of it I’m at Zen with their new and better lives. Jack is a good son and father. James Ford is a cop! Hurley is a millionaire and happy. Good for him. He is so fat he uses the VCR as a beeper. Bum bum bang!!! Ben is a smart ass Dr. Professor teaching in a high school. I admire Ben. He went to the good side. I always thought he was evil due to circumstance and he has now showed us he is trustworthy. Kate is still the same, running from the law, but it must have something to do with the whole story. I just hope they don’t leave us hanging at the end of the season. Give us all the answers, blow our minds up!

I’m also excited about the baseball season. I love baseball. It’s my favorite sport. I know the players get paid too much and they’ve used steroids etc. But so what, who cares. Football is more exciting and basketball is fun but I love the spring, the Yankees, watching a good game on T.V. and going to the ball park which is expensive especially up in Beantown. I hate the Redsox but I love the sport and I’m living in ground zero of the Redsox Nation. The Yankees are looking good this year. They might go back to back. They dropped some salaries (Matsui and Damon) and picked up smart salaries (Nick Johnson). If you haven’t made it to their new stadium, I suggest you go. It is beautiful! Ok, I’m not playa hating but I been to Fenway. Yes it is amazing and all because it is an old stadium etc, etc. Go to the new Yankee Stadium. It is magnificent. The Redsox will have a new stadium in the future but they have to keep it in the city of Boston. Yes money is the major difference between these two parks but John Henry has some cash too.

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Blaze Is Burning 3/12/10

2010-03-12T10:28:00.002-05:00

For starters, where do people get off doing rants during my hiatus?..that sh*t really burns me! Leave it to the professionals. Now with that said, what's all this talk about soccer invading our American sports culture? America is way behind and has been trying to catch up for decades now. The sport is watched all over the world, played all season long and has some of the world's best athletes. Could it be that all you soccerphobes are just bombarded on a daily basis by the sports America dominates? America's Sport, America's Pasttime...the WORLD sport and the Americans are the ones, in a way, discriminating the sport. Why? Because we have never been good at it. Oops, let's not talk about the white elephant. The U.S.A. feels an inherent need to be the best at everything it does and when they can't its as if everyone accepts it right out of the gates. Remember when we beat Russia in hockey? Imagine the U.S.A. winning the next World Cup..that sh*t would blow my mind! The ESPN highlights are never boring and are always in the Top Ten Plays. Just accept that another American sport is in it's offseason and is being kicked to the back of your mind, til next year at least, if there is one anyhow.
Can a president really be assessed this early into his presidency? Seriously, it's not a 9-5 gig or boring routine you can perfect in a few shifts, it's the PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! Tell me where one must go to get some training in that field, and don't say in the Senate or Congress. We clearly show through our voting time and time again that your qualifications don't mean nearly as much as whether we like you or not, if you can be a good agent, representative for our country. However or whom ever voted the guy in is irrelevant. He is in and will be for a couple more years. OUR job as Americans is to find a way to fix OUR country while backing OUR leader. We can make OUR country stronger from within or just let it fall apart from the inside out. Gotta get back to Core values. Understood values. Family values. Values that defines us as a Nation, while strengthening the culture we will pass on for generations to come...Or we can just keep arguing about how he sux or how he has changed nothing since being elected while we personally contribute to the downfall of our society by wasting our oxygen.
As far as I am concerned, and that's all that matters, of course, is that the Dojo is for everyone and should not be subject to rules of censorship because some of us view this site as a Man Cave. The Dojo is a Mind-F*ck Experience that encompasses more than just guy stuff. We got politics, movies and rambling nut jobs who get a column and even wonderful wives who actually like to make an appearance once in a while. The Dojo is OUR extended family. Visitors are not subject to any rules but those who post on it are. Respect in the Dojo is a two-way street, always has and always will be. Inappropriate, dumb, not very well-thought out posts will be subject to disciplinary actions to be determined by the Kai's of the Round Table.
Of course rookies make too much. Duh! So does every single person who has a hand in steering this boat of a country. The owners don't care what's in everyone elses pockets at the end of the day just like most of our politicians only care about their own as well. If all those bastards took a slight pay decrease, heck, we could give a lot more to education and health care for those who truly need it. Til then, rookies put people in the seats just like politicians put voters in the booth. Quick fixes and sideshow distractions from the bigger problem is simply how American Business operates. Watch the left hand while the right hand lifts your damn wallet and attention span. Maybe lockouts are what we need to regain focus and to right the train of American sports, to ride this train all the way into the station and make some repairs. Who knows, maybe if we fix some of these problems the cosmic tumblers will fall into place unlocking the door to America's salvation and our path home. To a place where sports were affordable to take a family to and to a place where no matter how much we disagreed, we at least agreed that change is a necessity in life. Without struggle there can be no progress. Maybe one day we can all ride the new Light Rail out of the station and into a new America where sh*t makes sense again. Common Sense. All Aboard!!!
On a lighter note...to heck with rainouts, hangovers, Burger King's that don't participate in the .99 double cheese burger(you know who you are), talking heads on tv, dropped calls(at least 4 times this week), policy makers, people who have no sense of humor, and....dust.

Big Fish Recap 3/3/2010 - Sweep The Leg Johnny!

2010-03-03T10:29:00.000-05:00

It’s a great Night for Softball, So let’s Play Two!

With the upcoming nuptials of the DonJuan Digler the Cobra Kai had the distinct privilege to continue their winning streak and look to inch closer to 1st place by going for a sweep Friday Night. The Kai were coming off one of their best offensive outbursts in team history and were looking to pick up right where they left off.

The Kai wasted no time when facing their first victim of the night Los Sparks. We jumped out to an early lead and once the bats got moving they caught fire once again. The Swami himself the Big E was not taking prisoners on this night and wanted to let Red Bug Lake know the Cobra Kai are for real and a force to reckon with.

“I noticed the Sharks were eyeing us up and could sense a feeling of trepidation when they saw the team we assembled this year, and I just wanted to give them a taste of things to come and let them know were not backing down nor conceding anything to them” said the Swami after a two game beat down he laid on the league stats books. In the first game the Swami was en feugo with his sidewinder assassin style swing that mercilessly attacked the Right Center field combo leading to an in-the park homerun, a triple, and blast over the Right Center Field Wall that still has not landed. “I told the Swami to lay it on the line tonight and let’s let the rest of the league know what the Cobra Kai are about, and that is exactly what he did” Capt. Tucci remarked to reporters after the game.

Roundhouse Reger was also back in clean-up after a one game hiatus and he didn’t disappoint with his power backing up the Swami and knocking one over the fence himself. The Los Sparks were pretty much done after 2 innings of our bats scorching them until the game was called in the 5th.

This brought us up against another top tier team in the league that was supposed to be another test for us as we squared off against Tetra Tech in the second game of the night. The Techies were feeling confident and were quite chatty with their trash talk and were eager to show they are the force to be reckoned with this year not the Cobra Kai.

However, that would not be the case as the Kai were somehow even more dialed in for the second game then the first. Capt. Tucci and his team of roving bandits in the outfield were not going to budge even an inch for the Techies and the Captain had the play of the night as he dove twelve feet in the air to back a beautiful sliding catch in the outfield to put an end to a tetra tech rally in the 3rd. Johnny Blaze and Brett Favre patrolled the infield and were also eating up everything hit their way.

Koko was wearing his telepathic underoos this past Friday night and was predicting everything his second baseman was going to say and Koko also knew he was going to have to dig out some hard throws from his SS to complete a couple key Double plays and that is exactly what he did. “ I just knew there was a double play coming before the hitter even stepped into the box as I was having visions all night, but was not sure they would come true because I saw Sully ripping two fierce line drive singles and until that came to fruition I was not sure If I was hallucinating or seeing the future” Koko said after the game.

Sully’s back plate mate Figs was also in full force staring down any potential Tech base thief’s and even gunning one down and letting them know not to try next time. The Kai’s defense was in full "wax on and wax off" effect and only allowed the Techies 2 runs off a an early home run blast that proved to be the only runs we would allow all night to the frustrated techie bats.

The only question left was if the Donjuan Digler would end the night after our double header as the league leader in OBP% and enter into matrimony as the league leader as his bride asked him to do. DonJuan had a solid night but was robbed on two at-bats as the Techies crafty pitcher was tossing some nasty curve balls. However, on the opposite field the 2nd place hitter went 1-3 sliding into a tie with Donjuan for league leader in On Base %. Thus, DonJuans bride gets her wish as she gets set to marry RedBug Lakes league leader this Weekend as the Kai’s have a much deserved by to attend the wedding.

Needless to say the Kai celebrated their Sweep in style at Gators as the Big Daddy Gutierrez was in town and the team was serenaded with our team song………”Baby Got Bat” by newly minted team singer Spencer. The Kai have off this Friday but look to get back to their winning ways and inch one step closer to our showdown with the Sharks for league dominance next Friday with a match-up with Kai wannabees the Goonies.

See You in Two Weeks under the Friday Night Lights!

Big Fish Recap 2/25/10 - The Greatest . . .

2010-02-25T12:45:00.000-05:00

Muhammad Ali once said “I just figured if I said it enough I could convince the world that I am the Greatest.”

Well, the jury is still out on if this is the greatest Cobra Kai team ever assembled but I believe we displayed one of our finest offensive games ever this past Friday night against the helpless PHI.

The game started surispetiously as usual Red Bug Lake juggernaut the PHI jumped out to a 4-0 lead to start the game. It seemed like it would be an uphill battle against this usual powerhouse.

With our Pack leader safely back in the dugout recovering from an undisclosed injury Sprague’s gathered the team before our first at bat and urged us to give him at least 4 runs…..and then he turned and said…..there is one thing I need you guys to do for me tonight……..”Win, Cobra Kai, Win!” Then Johnny Blaze screamed….Well what are we waiting for….Takus! And it was like the montage music cranked up and the team was in the zone and would not be stopped from that moment on.

The first couple hitters did the usual dirty work and found their way on base setting the table for the Swami to unleash his deadly Sidewinder swing followed up by Brett Favre’s cannon and the PHI were running for their life from then on. This proved to be the deadliest line-up ever to take the field as we batted through the line-up twice to start the game. Yes, I know the team accomplished this a few other times during the season but not against a tested team like the PHI. “I knew this line-up was deadly but I didn’t know we were going to unleash that type of deadly fury on a team like the PHI” The Swami said after the game.

Everybody contributed to the offensive explosion as DonJuan continued to raise his league leading OBP% to .992 knocking in Capt. Tucci 3 times. Koko was wearing his Iceman Underoos as he attacked the Left fielder relentlessly until he injured him and sent him into hiding for the rest of the game. The PHI were so baffled they changed pitchers 3 times throughout the game as each new pitcher had no answer for our heated bats. They even threw in the towel on trying to pitch Brett Favre and started handing out free passes rather than get destroyed with bombs.

We played our usual bend but don’t break defense behind a solid Pitching performance from the Mad Dog. The Infield held the line for the Kai on this night eating up everything hit their way and even turning a couple crucial Double plays to kill any rallies the PHI tried to piece together. JohnnyBlaze was back in his sweet spot at third eating everything up hit his way and there was no way we were going to let the PHI gather any life offensively to climb back into it.

The final score was 26-15 but that was only after we went into our prevent defense and allowed the PHI to chip away but not come close as every at-bat we just kept smashing the ball until the UMPS called Mercy in the 4th inning.

After the game the Kai had plenty to celebrate as they had Spragues back and were celebrating the pending nuptials of the DonJuan himself. The team takes the field again this Friday night in a double header and will be off the following week to help support the DonJuan as he enters into the brotherhood of Marriage.

See you under the Friday Night Lights as Big Daddy Richard Gutierrez plans to attend this momentous game.

Big Fish Recap 2/4/10 - Win One For The Gipper

2010-02-04T11:01:00.002-05:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, And No Mercy. The New and Improved Cobra Kai took the field this past Friday after a one week hiatus to celebrate their favorite First Baseman’s Nuptials. Well, the Team never looked so focused and dialed in as we did Friday as we actually batted through the line-up 3 times in the first inning.

“In all my years of playing I have never seen a team so in the zone at the plate as we were Friday, right from the start we were mashing the ball even the old man Spragues recorded his first double and Sully was bashing it” Said the Swami whom once again set the pace with his feverish attack at the plate.
The Cobra Kai were up 14-0 after the first inning. Needless to say the game was called within another inning when we battled through the line-up twice in the second and were up 22-0.

A game like that reminds me of a great Zen Masters words: “The wolf is only as strong as the pack, and the Pack is only as strong as the Wolf.” As on this night the entire pack came together and we were absolutely unstoppable.
However, there was a greater sense of purpose on this night besides Victory. We were playing for our Friend, teammate, and pack member Spragues. Just before the game our rock at 2nd base announced to the team he was taking a medical leave of absence for the next few weeks and was going into a different battle, one that would still require his teammates help but not on the field. This rallied the team around Spragues and we are eagerly awaiting his return Feb. 19th. Until then the team will keep him in our thoughts and prayers and will do just what he told us before he left Gators Friday night.

“I’m not much for big speeches but all I will say is exactly what Adrian told Rocky once……Win, Cobra Kai…..Win! And, to borrow another famous quote……I’ll Be Back.”

And Back he will be but until then we play for Spragues and it all starts this Friday night against the Swim N Fun.

As, I reminded Sprauges:
Fear Does not Exist in this Dojo!Pain Does Not Exist in this Dojo!Defeat Does Not Exist in this Dojo!

Thus Friday February 19th will mark Spragues return and our unblemished record will make him proud as we journey together towards a Championship.
Good Luck Spragues, we look forward to a safe and speedy recovery Buddy!
See the rest of you under the Friday Night Lights!

Big Fish Recap 1/20/2010 - What the Hell is Brett Favre Doing Here?!

2010-01-20T10:07:00.000-05:00

The Cobra Kai took the field Friday night with a different look than in seasons past. This was a team determined and focused on winning the championship. The lineup was altered but the mission remains the same……Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy!

There are moments in life that are remembered forever….and the feeling from the beginning was one this team won’t soon forget.” There was a different feeling heading out onto the field of battle last Friday in the dugout….it was feeling of confidence and one of this is OUR Season. Said Capt. Tucci after the game.

Well, Strike First and Strike Hard is exactly what the Cobra Kai did last Friday against their nemesis the Beat Downs. The first hit was the landing of their star player Chris Favre as The Swami used his swami like influence to recruit him away from the Beat Downs to the Kai’s with the allure of playing for a championship contender. But the real Knockout punch came in the 1st inning from Roundhouse Reger to set the pace for the entire night and hopefully the season. Reger stepped up to the plate and ripped a shot heard around Red Bug Lake deep over the Left Center Field Wall to give the Cobra Kai a lead we would never relinquish. I had been working on my swing during the offseason and I just wanted to set the pace for the Kai by driving one deep to keep the Beat Downs on their toes but when I connected I just knew that one was not landing in the park” Roundhouse said after his last game was abruptly ended when a ball shattered his ride against the sharks and he is obviously back with a vengeance.

Our bats set the pace for the Kai Friday Night as everybody chipped in offensively as Sprague’s new look knee high socks put an extra jump in his step ripping 2 doubles against a seemingly helpless Beat Down Defense that was so rattled throughout the night they had to shift their fielders 3 different times as nothing they did seemed to slow us down. DonJuan also apparently was working on his swing in the offseason as he ripped 3 deadly shots over the SS head to continue his career league leading OBP of .989.

Everybody pitched in on a total team effort. Sully used his new Avatar Catcher body to gun down a Beat Down trying to start a rally in the bottom of the 6th after they decided to test his arm. “I channeled my inner beast and just wound up and unleashed…..after he was called out I told myself…I’m staying up all night and calling some bitches tonight baby!!!!” Sully said….maybe a little too much information but that is the Cobra Kai way.

To win at the highly competitive Red Bug lake field it as all about character and perseverance. Well, our character and resolve was tested in the bottom of the 7th as the Beatdowns tested us with a huge rally to bring the game within striking distance. The Cobra Kais held a 15-5 lead heading into the 7th inning. However, Koko did not want to leave anything to chance so he quickly put on his Superman Underoos which where a tad looser since he slimmed down 30 lbs and ripped a shot to CF and with his new and improved svelte self felt his crazy legs carry him all the way around to 2nd Base for his first career double. Next play he scored and it proved to be vital as the Beatdowns made their rally in the 7th.

The Swami was his usual self also setting the pace with his violent Left to Right assassin style swing punishing their Outfielders and leading the Outfield on a defensive assault to not allow the big hit. “Let it not be mistaken, I came to Red Bug for two reasons Friday…..To Kick Some Ass and win a championship” the Swami said after the game. It was a brief but effective statement from the usually profound Swami.

However, that is all that really needed to be said about our team’s play. The defense stood strong for most of the game as JohnnyBlaze settled into 3rd Base where he is an absolute natural and defended that territory even gunning down the BeatDowns last breath to end the game at 3rd Base…….It was a fitting end to the night.

After the game the Cobra Kai’s newest addition summed up the night the best. When asked why he left the Beatdowns for the Cobra Kai Chris Favre said:

“Everyone in the league knows the Cobra Kai is one team in the league with the character, talent, and chemistry that will eventually take down the Sharks dominance. When Elliot approached me about joining the team it was like a dream come true. Every player at RedBug dreams of donning the Black and Gold of the Cobra Kai and while I was sad to leave my team it was on opportunity I could not pass up. I look forward to joining my teammates in toasting to victory over the Sharks…..and until that day comes I will do whatever it takes to help them win every night.”

Well, the Kai are 1-0 and will not take the field this Friday in observation of Koko’s wedding vows…but we look forward to resuming our run at the championship next Friday against .Com…….Strike First, Strike hard……and No Mercy!!!!!

Avatar

2010-01-18T13:45:00.007-05:00

Special effects have been a part of movie making for decades. When a new effect is invented, it sometimes takes a few years for a breakthrough film to completely legitimize its use. Star Wars did it for scale models in 1977, The Matrix became the gold standard for "bullet time," in 1999, and in 2009 Avatar has finally set the benchmark for CGI.

James Cameron has once again taken on every naysayer, every doubter and critic, all the studio heads, and proven them all wrong for a monumental second time. Back in 1997, Cameron was mutilated in the press for going over the $100 million mark on the budget of Titanic. The studios were calling for his head, entertainment gurus were marking the death of his career and audiences were getting ready for another Waterworld. Cameron even gave back his entire fee for directing Titanic before the release because he was under so much pressure to make it work. Well, over a billion dollars and a Best-Picture Academy Award later, Cameron was “king of the world.” You would think the pessimists had learned their lesson.

Flash forward to 2009 and here we go again, although this time around, Cameron would not be fazed in the slightest by all the negativity. Not only was Avatar going over budget, but it was getting into the hundreds of millions over budget. And to add some more kindling to the fire, the first peaks of the so-called groundbreaking special effects were very underwhelming. Well, another billion dollars and talks of more Oscar nominations later, Cameron is not just king of this world, but also the Torok Makto of Pandora.

There is no denying that Avatar has finally given that last criterion of legitimacy to CGI effects. Not given its due in trailers or television commercials, the incredible special effects in Avatar really do need to be experienced first hand. Cameron himself even invented new technology specifically for this film, and 3-D is a must when viewing this computer-generated masterpiece. Human actors seamlessly interact with CGI counterparts and the motion capture technology of the Navi people is unparalleled.

Of course all the eye candy in the world is completely worthless without a good story to go with it. Avatar is not the most original or creative film in terms of plot, characters, or action. But it is at least up to par on all three of those categories. Jake Sully (Sam Worthington, Terminator: Salvation) is a disabled Marine in the year 2154. He is taking over an important mission left by his identical twin brother who was killed during battle. The Avatar program’s purpose is for humans to kinetically link with Navi, Pandora natives, bodies that are grown in a lab. Once linked, they can then communicate with the natives to try and find a diplomatic way for humans to collect the precious mineral the planet possesses. However, the company in charge of the operation has a more covert use in mind for the Avatar program.

Sam Worthington is developing a niche for himself as the strong and complicated, yet vulnerable protagonist. There is not a lot of background on Jake Sully in this film, but Worthington is great at making audiences feel like they’ve known him for years. He has deepness in his expressions and mannerisms that screams, “troubled past.” The rest of the cast and voice-over actors fill their parts nicely and Sigourney Weaver’s appearance gives the film the sci-fi stamp of approval.

However, there are some troubling facets of Avatar that may actually be purposeful by Cameron. The part of Quaritch, (Stephen Lang, Public Enemies), is the cookie-cutter, stereotypical military drill sergeant that speaks in cliché dialogue and always thinks a bomb is better than diplomacy. Quaritch is just a cog in the troubling vision Cameron has for the human race. It’s difficult to accept that over 100 years into the future the human order has not only halted its evolution, it’s actually regressed. Although this should not be such a shock considering the multiple works in which Cameron has shared his distain for human nature, i.e. Aliens, Terminator. What sets Avatar’s case apart from Cameron’s past films is how the malevolence of human beings is not hidden in a cause for the “greater good.” Except for the small group of rebels, the humans in Avatar seem to be completely void of a conscious. The hired military personnel is completely brainwashed and holds no line between right and wrong. It is also left unanswered whether the Navi are the first extra terrestrials that humans have come in contact with, and if so, how could we leave it up to a greedy corporation to be the first to engage them? Some more background on the plummet of humanity was needed in this film so the audience could accept the belligerent behavior of the human threat. Although, it could be argued that many viewers will not have a problem with this acceptance, as they may share the same pessimistic view of the human race that Cameron has warned us about so many times before. Avatar is one of the few films that are powerful enough to turn human loyalties against its own kind, which is also a decision that conflicts Jake Sully in the film.

In its infancy, Avatar has already frozen its place in carbonite as one of the most important sci-fi films of all time. True, it will be more for the cutting-edge special effects than story writing, and the characters will never reach the iconic level of a Luke Skywalker or Ellen Ripley. Avatar will most likely be remembered as a milestone in movie making and more of an overall great experience than a great film.

Story: 7.5
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 7.0
Captivation: 9.5
Replay Value: 9.5

Total = 8.2

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Big Fish Recap 11/25/09 - Iced Down!

2009-11-25T12:16:00.001-05:00

The Smell of Victory was in the Air this past Friday night as the Cobra Kai’s took the field in pursuit of another Championship season. We squared off against the Frost looking to continue our 2 game winning streak. “I wanted us to pick up where we left off last game as our bats were on fire and I wanted us to maintain our No Mercy Mantra” Said Capt. Tucci after the game.

The Kai jumped out to an early 2-0 lead and played spectacular defense behind Mad Dog’s stellar pitching effort. Spragues took the Strike First and Strike Hard mantra to a new level when he attempted to sniper off the Frost’s SS after he rounded second too liberally. “This is our house, nobody tests our team, and he did…..So I did what I had to do".” Johnny Blaze had to hold back the upset SS after Spragues drilled him in the back with a warning shot one that would set the tone for our team and deflate any chances of the Frost heating back up. “I just told the guy to “Cool Off” Blaze said calmly after the game.

The Swami was in control of the OF with the help of Capt. Tucci and crew and nothing got by them on this fateful night for the Frost. Regs was back in full effect after he sparked the team’s bats last game after a two game hiatus and even tried to take out the Frost’s scoring effort in the 4th throwing a frozen rope to home that just barely missed.

Koko wore his Don Mattingly underoos this game as he was snatching balls at 1B with reckless abandon and even made a diving catch of an errant pop up close to 2nd Base. “I hear Koko coming and when he is in a zone like he was Friday you just let him take over” Keith said after the game.

The Swami controlled the batting tempo for the Kai’s as he struck relentlessly against the Frost and The Kai posted 7 runs to their 3 in a winning effort.
Ultimately, The Kai’s cooled off the Frost and look to annihilate whomever the Red Bug Lake directors send our way Next Friday in the Playoffs.

On behalf of all Cobra Kai Family Members I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving this week and look forward to returning to the field of battle the following week with everyone.

Big Fish Recap 11/11/2009: Late Game Heroics...Again

2009-11-11T13:07:00.001-05:00

No game in the world is as tidy and dramatically neat as Softball, with cause and effect, crime and punishment, motive and result, so cleanly defined. Well, the Cobra Kai are finally starting to learn we can’t just walk into Red Bug Lake field and walk away winners just because we are the Cobra Kai.
The team came into our highly anticipated match up with the Goonies ready to erase the memories of our last game where we rallied but came up short in the end. “We didn’t lose last game, we just ran out of time and I want my troops to know we can’t waste any time this game.” Capt. Tucci said before the game.

“It’s hard to win a game in this competitive league, but it’s even harder to lose a game and that is what we did last week, and I was not going to let us drop 2 games in a row “the Swami said after the game. Well, the Kai’s struck first getting on the board in their usual fashion coming out of the gates swinging well and posting a 3 -0 lead to start the game.

Mad Dog was pitching a solid game but the Goonies kept finding small holes and started to chip away at our lead and were singling us to death. The outfield was on full alert as they had to cover more ground than usual as the Goonies were not a powerful team and were going right up the middle with little dink and dunk hits.
The Offense stalled and our savvy veteran Spragues finally demanded the ball in the top of the 4th to set a spark in the team as he took the mound for one inning. “I just felt we were not playing Cobra Kai softball and I needed to let the team know we have to start over were not the friggin Yankees and we aren’t going to be just handed the win every game” Spragues said after the game.

Well, Mission accomplished as this little spark seemed to set-off our bats and we went on an offensive explosion. In the bottom of the 6th Koko ripped a shot to Center field and was the only person standing in the way of a Goonies victory. “I was glad I wore my “Flash” underwear this game because when I got to first I knew that no matter what happened next I needed to cross home plate or we were done” Koko said at the post game press conference. On the next at bat Spragues ripped a double to right field and the Crazy legs of Koko gave everything he had to cross home plate with the tying run giving us life for another inning.

It all came down to the bottom of the7th when we rallied back to cut the deficit to 11-8. Spragues and the Swami did their thing setting the table for a Cobra Kai win. Then in a stroke of genius Capt. Tucci had been saving our secret weapon “Damaso” Gibson for a pinch hit appearance. With the Kai’s down by one Coach Tucci inserted Damaso and he aptly hit a single to score the tying run. On the next at bat Mad Dog himself conjured up another hit and the screams We Win We Win….could be heard throughout the Cobra Kai dug-out.

“I knew we needed this game and I promised the team I would not let them down and I knew we would be victorious at the end fulfilling my Tebow like guarantee” Johnny Blaze said.

Well, the Cobra Kai got back on track beating the Goonies 12-11 in dramatic fashion and look to continue their winning ways against our old rival the Beat Downs under the Friday Night Lights. The team finally gets a late game which with our recent late game heroics might be just what the Swami ordered.

Big Fish Recap 11/4/09 - Amazing Comeback

2009-11-04T09:16:00.000-05:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy. The Cobra Kai’s got back on track following our motto last week taking down the East Coast Believers. However, our mantra of No Mercy was shelved as we debated the moral ethics of it eventually deciding to re-instate it. But, I do believe that hesitation carried over into our match-up with Del Taco. We had been gifted delicious bean burritos a few weeks back by Del Taco and we sub consciously returned the favor in the first two innings of our match-up.

The Team was down but not out missing our clean-up hitter Regs and our hot hitting LF Miguel not too mention our team energizer Sully. Forced to play with only 3 outfielders the team was determined not to let it affect our rhythm. As I have said time and time again Momentum can be the difference in a win and a loss. Del Taco came out fired up after fueling up on Bean Burrito’s all day and jumped out to a 7-0 lead in the first inning. Our D was rattled and our bend but not break defense was starting to break after the Beans added another 7 runs in the 2nd. Down 14-0 the evening looked bleak for the Cobra Kai.

I was not about to let my troops go down like that Capt Tucci said at the post game press conference. On August 5th, 2001 the Cleveland Indians trailed the Seattle Mariners 12-0 after just two innings. The Indians rallied back to win and cap off the greatest comeback in MLB history. Koko gathered the team to remind us of that since he remembered so fondly since his Yankees were chasing that great Mariner team that year.

Just like that the Cobra Kai bats started moving. Spragues sparked the team continuing his hot hitting streak into his 40’s. Capt Tucci and his never say die attitude kept things rolling in the 4th stealing second base on a head first dive and scoring two plays later when Koko drove the ball to deep Left Field.

The Swami himself found his groove again and was destroying the ball with the smoothest swing in Red Bug Lake. “I was not going to let the Kai go down like that and especially in front of the largest announced crowd of the year” the Swami said.

The Victory drum was in full force and Del Taco was frozen in fear as the Kai kept mounting run after run fueled by the drum beat. DonJuan reached base three times with his keen eye and solid swing and Figs came through with two huge hits to keep the rally alive. “I love that guy Figs, He is a Yankee fan and I’m a Yankee Fan…..I think this could be the making of a fantastic Bro-Mance” Koko said after the game.

However, the 14 run deficit and playing one man short in the field proved to be too much for the Kai to overcome on this night. “I promise we will not lose another game this year, I will make sure of that Tim Tebow Style” Johnny Blaze said walking away from the field.

All was not lost for the Cobra Kai as we received a much needed visit from Big Daddy Gutierrez at Gators. Richard decided to awaken the Kai by taking the big stage and teaching everyone the dance moves he has learned in the greater Tampa/St. Pete’s area. One can only guess where he has been spending much of his time.

Well, the Cobra Kai’s take the field this Friday night against the Goonies still in contention for another title.

Big Fish Recap 10/29/09 - Victory

2009-10-29T11:54:00.000-04:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy…..Right! That is our team motto and we needed to follow through on that in a much needed must win game against the East Coast Believers if we were going to contend once again for a title this year. The team felt confident going into the game with a full roster and boasting a youthful yet 4oth Birthday celebrating Oil Can Spragues back in the line-up after a one game sabbatical.

The team was looking to put away the Believers early and reduce Mad Dog’s ERA since we inflated it a bit during his last outing against the Sharks. However, the thought of “Mercy” had crept into our mindset after our debate on the Dojo and it slowed down the teams play in the first inning. The East Coast Believers said a prayer and they came answered as we had some shaky defense in the first inning and relented a 2 Run lead. However, Capt. Tucci gathered the troops and called on the fans in the stand to get the team amped up and rolling like we are capable of.

With a little help from afar Scott “Smokey” Kluge sent down a ‘Victory Drum” that could be heard beating through ought Red Bug Lake Park and it was just what the team needed but most importantly what the Swami needed to get back that killer instinct.
The Birthday boy himself got the bats started ripping a double to center field and becoming the first player in Cobra Kai history over the age of 40 to record a double. The team rallied after that and the Victory Drum could be felt deep down in our souls. “I was a bit distracted starting the game after witnessing an incredible ping-pong marathon game but once I heard the victory drum it was all business and I knew the Kai’s were ready for a big win” The Swami was quoted with after the game.

Koko wore his Don Mattingly Underoos this game as he was playing a gold glove game at 1B eating everything up hit his way and even gunning down a runner at 2B that decided to test his arm. “I have never seen such intensity from Koko and that is just what the Kai needed” Said Johnny Blaze after the game. Well, the Believers would take out their frustrations on the team as our Hot hitting Left Fielder Miguel Blanco got beamed in the head for turning a double into a triple. However, he is a Cobra Kai so he stayed in the game and kept fighting.

Speaking of taking out frustrations, DonJuan was able to amazingly increase his league leading OBP % to .918 even though he had been the victim of a vicious serve losing a hotly contested Ping-Pong match right before the game 29-27 at the Kai’s Clubhouse. Roundhouse Reger also continued his hot bat punishing the Believers Outfield for 3 Doubles Friday night.

The defense clamped down after a shaky beginning and held the Believers to 2 runs after the Swami got in his groove and began attacking and snagging everything hit to the outfield. “I don’t know what it is about that drum, but every time I heard it I knew something good was going to happen to the team” The Swami said at the post game conference.

Overall, it was a great game for the Kai and put us back on our championship way. However, not all was perfect for the Kai as the Birthday boy himself our 40 year old 3B Spargues got taken down for a strikeout in the 5th inning. “I know my eyes aren’t deceiving me, it’s just that I started to get worried about that pie in the face moment I was scared was coming and I shifted my attention too much” Spragues said after the game. Well, the team did take mercy on the 40 year old and decided not to unleash the pie on him since Capt. Tucci was worried about hurting Spargues already questionable vision.

Well, the Team looks to continue our winning ways this Friday against the Del Taco Beans.

Big Fish Recap 10/21/09 - NO MERCY!

2009-10-21T09:12:00.001-04:00

NO MERCY!!!

The Debate has been raging in my head ever since I saw our schedule this week. The Win less East Coast Believers Church.

Do we continue the Cobra Kai motto of Strike First, Strike Hard, No Mercy on these poor just trying to spread the good word of the Lord church movers or do we take it a notch down?

My initial thought is to go at them full speed ahead. I am just not wired to let up in an athletic competition. I want to go all out or else it is not worth it. However, coming off our drubbing by our newest hated team THE Sharks....I feel like we should have a different perspective?

That was one of the ugliest games I have ever taken part of. And for Elliot, Spragues, and Regs I will spare the three of you any details. By the way....Sprague's I think You now lead the team in ERA after you conveniently were AWOL for the past game pulling your own Mad Dog Move.

Regardless, I believe it was more a matter of us playing not to lose and just waiting to get shell shocked which eventually happened. As, I have always said sometimes in life it's usually a matter of perspective. If you look for something hard enough you will usually find it. I think we were looking for a beat down and we were not our usual team because we were expecting an annihilation and that is what we got. Just like whenever you go out to dinner with a person of a certain religious descent........I mean a South Floridian.......I mean a food critic they are usually walking into the restaurant waiting to critique and break down the service and/or food.

Well, that food and or waiter does not have a chance in hell. Any place you go you can find something wrong......and if you look for it hard enough you will find it. This Cheese is not melted perfectly......My Lettuce is not green enough.....these fries are not crispy enough.....etc....etc...etc....I pounded my glass of water immediately when I sat down and the waiter took a whole two minutes before he noticed.....Brutal!

The same goes for sports. If you go into a game thinking we are going to get smoked, well the first thing that goes wrong just sets the tone and the game starts to implode. Did you ever notice in the old days that always happened to us? We would have that one inning where one thing would go wrong and then our collective heads would start to hang and we just expected a bunch of things to go wrong and they almost always did leading to that 11 run inning we would give up. How come we would give up all those runs in one inning and then hardly any the rest of the game? Well, Momentum can work both for you and against you.

Usually, we would come roaring back and gain our own momentum driven inning as well. I think once the Swami diagnosed this problem he helped us conquer that demon and his absence Friday may have lead to that, but that is besides the point. Maybe it was a lack of team community on the dojo and that is largely my fault for not perpetuating more discussions on the dojo. But we had no life from the get go Friday. I know the Sharks are the Sharks and we can hate on them all we want which is entirely debatable subject. However, do we remember that feeling this Friday and take out our anger on the Church group or play with empathy since we know how much that game sucked?

Personally, I thought we needed to loosen up and just try to have fun Friday and score a few runs and make small strides. However, the East Coast Believers have had happen to them every game this year what happened to us Friday. So, My question to the Dojo is do we go at them full force? Yes, it is their job to stop us. And, I felt the same way Friday. At first I wanted to make an errant throw that hit one of the Sharks but then I remembered I am a Man and it is my job to stop them not theirs to give in. But at some point enough is enough? But what is that point? That is my question.

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Big Fish Recap 10/7/09 - Back On Track

2009-10-07T11:37:00.004-04:00

Well, in case you didn’t know by now the Cobra Kai’s motto is Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy. The team operates best when we follow that one simple message. “I pulled the troops together and told them we need to re-assert ourselves after last week’s travesty and pull it together” the Swami said after the game.

Mad Dog’s family decided to give us a another shot and they came to watch him record his 232 all time win pulling him into 3rd place all time at Red Bug Lake park. Well, He came out hurling stifling Tetra Tech hitters all night holding them to 1 run and improving his team leading ERA to 4.82. Oil Can Sprague’s has the next closest ERA with his holding steady at 19.6. Well, the Mad Dog didn’t want to leave anything to chance so as our leadoff hitter reached base to start the game the Mad Dog wanted to set the tempo early and demanded a steal to get the game going. Well, Keith stole second successfully and it worked by getting in the other pitchers head forcing him to walk 4 of the next 6 batters and that’s when you could feel all the momentum swing in our favor.

Everyone reached base on this night and the team was crushing the ball like we are so capable of on a nightly basis. “I was getting scared for their fielders we were hitting it so well. I was on second base when Regs crushed one past me and I swear I could hear the seams whirring in the wind just like the sweet sound of a Johnny Blaze rant” Spragues said after the game.

Capt. Tucci was resting his tender foot but that didn’t stop him from coaching one of his finest victories yet. I instructed the team to go for the knockout punch right away and that is exactly what we did. The first inning outburst proved to be too big of a blow for Tetra Tech to overcome as they fought like a wobbly bleary eyed prize fighter after we landed a huge right hook to start the bout. The game was sealed for our batters in the bottom of the 4th when Sully ripped a two out double to bring the score to 14-1 and taking every last breath out of the Tetra Tech Jets.

The team was missing our veteran mainstay at 1st Base Koko whom was traveling down south for a scouting mission so the team was unsure as to how the defense was going to hold up. However, despite missing Mr. America Koko himself, the fielding was spectacular behind a great outing from Mad Dog. Johnny Blaze was up to usual patrolling of the left side of the field and the team turned two crushing double plays. Blaze even perfected his rolling throw out to second base.

Overall, it was one of our best games of the year as we had a total team effort and took down Tetra Tech improving our record to 3-2 and looking to claim our second title in three seasons. DonJuan did extend his on base streak to 18 games and the team looked great.

The Kai’s also got back on track at Gators as this is where Capt. Tucci stepped it up and help the team put down a record breaking 42 pitchers to get us back on our winning ways even at Gators.

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Big Fish Recap 9/22/09 - Travesty

2009-09-22T09:05:00.001-04:00

Strike First, Strike Hard, and No Mercy. That is our team motto and that is exactly what the Cobra Kai did this past Friday night at Red Bug Lake Field. After falling to the PHI to start the season the team was hungry for a victim to unleash on. Before the game the Swami gathered the troops and told them to play like the Cobra Kai’s are capable of and follow our motto and forget about last week.

Well, the team took that literally and jumped out to a 7 run lead in the first inning as we batted through the order and the runs started to mount. “I wore my Punisher underoos this game cause the team needed to punish someone after last week” Koko said after the game. Capt. Tucci tried to clot the bleeding for the Intimidated Intimidators by asking Koko to take off his punisher underoos and telling the team to ease up a bit after we posted a 14-1 lead in the 2nd inning.

However, the wiley veteran Spragues still reeling from Mad Dog’s ducking of the PHI to preserve his ERA cried “Travesty” and told us not to let up. “A general rule I have in life is to not make a mockery of the game and when Spragues told me to step it back up, that’s all I could do” Said Johnny Blaze. Spragues would not let the Kai ease up and even completed the play of the day picking off an Intimidator running to third whom clearly was shell shocked by the ass whooping the Kai’s were laying on his team.

On Offense the team was hitting on all cylinders. Regs was back at clean-up doing his usual damage picking up right where he left off. DonJuan jumped right back up to the league lead upping his OB% to .957 and Sully even stepped up and showed the Intimidators a thing or two on the base path. “After tasting victory so graciously the last two seasons I wanted it so bad again, that I stopped off and gave a homeless guy 2 loafs of bread on my way to the game to bring Karma the Kai’s way…..I guess it worked” Sully said after the game.

Overall, it was a total team effort as everybody contributed to the 17-2 Annihilation of the Intimidators. However, the team did post a team low 9 pitchers at Gators as everyone was saving themselves for next week.

The Kai’s will be taking the field without Capt. Tucci whom will be scouting some players in NY this week. Damaso also will not be available as he pulled a hamstring jumping up to curse out the Yankees after they got it handed to them twice by the lowly Mariners this week.

Looking forward to keeping the momentum going against the Swim N Fun at 8:30!!!

Big Fish Recap 9/17/09 - Can't Win 'Em All

2009-09-17T16:00:00.000-04:00

The Band is back together and ready for another championship run. With the Swami back and the Cobra Kai’s back at full strength the team was ready to start the season off on a tear. However, a last second scratch from the starting rotation for Mad Dog left the ball in “Oil Can” Sprague’s hands and his savvy veteran crafty work. Sprague’s dueled it out with the heft heater CC Bathia of the PHI whom pitched a gem himself and helped himself out at the plate as well.

It has yet to be determined what exactly PHI stands for…….according to Wikipedia it could either be a symbol for a Greek fraternity or a Thai Demon. I am leaning toward a Thai demon because this game will haunt us for some time as the PHI SS and pitcher put a curse on us and got inside our heads from the beginning. As is the case for the momentum driven Kai we stalled in our first game back since the gut wrenching loss in the championships last season. “Our bats just never got rocking and rolling and I intend to change that by setting the pace and not allowing anything but our best from every hitter this Friday” The Swami said at the post game news conference.

The PHI got on the board early as they sprayed hits all over the field attacking every open piece of dirt and/or grass they could find. Our defense was solid and provided the few highlights we had as Sprague’s doubled off some unsuspecting runners with heads up fielding and the Swami was back patrolling CF with his deadly cannon.

However, our bats just never put together that rally that sparks our momentum. Perhaps missing Roundhouse Reger or perhaps our apprehension from the shell shock we received in the final championship game was to blame. Either way, I don’t suspect the Intimidators will be let off the hook as lightly this Friday night. The Kai are coming ready to play and rumor has it the Tomahawk Chopper himself JW has been called up for one last appearance before heading off to serve his country.

The Kai battled till the end but without a spark at the plate we just fell short in the runs necessary to compete. Well, in the immortal words once again of the great literary poet Mr. Forest Gump…..”That’s all I have to say about that.”

Only time will tell…….but the intimidators best watch out this Friday night under the lights.

Top 10 Greatest Movie Franchises

2009-09-10T11:48:00.001-04:00

#10 – National Lampoon’s Vacation
The only comedy franchise to break into the top 10. The "Vacation" series started in 1983 with the original and has since spawned off 3 box office sequels. The total gross of all 4 films is over $218 million domestically, which is very good for a comedy series. The weak link in the chain was the second installment, European Vacation. However the series bounced back in a big way with the third and most successful film of the franchise, 1989’s Christmas Vacation. Christmas Vacation grossed over $70 million at the box office and $35 million in video rentals. But even more importantly, the film has become an official holiday classic and is played on network and cable television every Christmas season. It has even been argued as the best Christmas movie of all time.

#9 - Pirates of the Caribbean

Before you scream, “what!” You might want to know that the three Pirates of the Caribbean films are all in the top 40 worldwide grossing films of all time, with the second and third installments landing at #3 and #6 respectively. The trilogy has brought in a total of over $2.6 billion worldwide, second only to the Lord of the Rings saga. Now of course money does not equal great filmmaking. You only have to look as far as the Transformers movies to see that. But when a series brings in over $2 billion in revenue at the box office alone, it can not be easily ignored either. The “Pirates” films are not just inflated summer blockbusters with big special effects. They are very well written with an amazing cast of actors portraying equally amazing characters. Johnny Depp, easily one of the greatest actors to ever live, was never really a mainstream type of guy before his creation of Captain Jack Sparrow. Fortunately or unfortunately for Depp, there’s no going back now. Jack Sparrow has become one of the most popular characters in Disney history. So much so that the ride at Walt Disney World has been updated to include his character. No doubt many future generations of visitors to the theme park will make the grievous mistake that the films premiered before the ride.

#8 - The Matrix

No one in their right mind would ever argue that 1999’s The Matrix is one of the greatest sci-fi films ever made. It is sometimes referred to as “the new Star Wars,” due to the fact that after Star Wars came out in 1977, it forever changed how special effects were created in films. The Matrix redrew that line as it was the first film to use the now often mimicked “bullet time” in a live-action movie. The controversy of the trilogy comes with its polarizing sequels. It’s hard to find film buffs that thought “Reloaded,” and “Revolutions,” were just mediocre. Usually the reaction is, “I f##g hated those pieces of s##t,” or simply, “they were genius.” It happens that the latter reaction is the more appropriate. The sequels baffled many people, so of course the quick reaction is to pan something you don’t understand. The pendulum also swung the other way as well, with muddy over-intelectualized explanations involving the Architect scene in “Reloaded,” and religious overtures when describing what happened to the character of Neo in “Revolutions.” The films are actually quite simplistic, but they use symbolism in an ingenious way. Every single character in the matrix itself is simply a symbol for a piece of software or hardware that is inside every common household computer. Now if you’re not computer literate, it is easy to see how some of the characters or parts of the story might cause a lot of confusion, especially since some of the main focal points in the story revolve around some not-so-common computer knowledge. That being said, The Matrix Trilogy will forever be one of the most imaginative and groundbreaking sci-fi sagas in history.

#7 - Star Trek

What can you say about the Star Trek franchise? 12 films, over $1 Billion just in domestic gross, and a new found beginning for the series with the latest reboot installment. Which by the way took in more money than any of the previous 11 chapters. The Star Trek franchise also has the incredible distinction of its first film, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, almost unanimously being panned as the worst film in the series. Star Trek is an American institution and the patriarch of science fiction. It has even inspired many everyday gadgets that we take for granted, not to mention the influence it’s had on the space program. Gene Roddenberry’s vision of the future back in 1966 remains as the utopian society which human kind hopes to one day turn into a reality.

#6 - The Godfather

Parts I and II are complete masterpieces. Some of the greatest American cinema ever made. Francis Ford Coppala’s genius translation of Mario Puzo’s novels is considered by some to be the greatest movies ever made. Both parts I and II took home the Oscars for “Best Picture.” Part II is also the first sequel to ever be nominated and win the award. If not for the horrific tragedy that is The Godfather Part III, this franchise would be impenetrable to criticism. But I guess Coppala got an offer he couldn’t refuse.

#5 – The Lord of the Rings

The highest worldwide grossing trilogy of all time. Millions love it. I don’t. But it still has to be given the respect it deserves. The LOTR fans are as passionate as Trekkers and Star Wars fanatics. All 3 films were nominated for “Best Picture” at the Academy Awards with part 3 taking home the Oscar. It became only the second film sequel to ever win the award (Godfather II) and the first ever third installment to be nominated as well as win. The trilogy was also showered with special effects, sound, and editing awards which were very deserved. To each his own, I guess people love the combination of hobbits, battles, and a “Ten Commandments” amount of walking.

#4 – Indiana Jones

It’s probably a hands down, no brainer to be #1 on this list if George Lucas doesn’t pull a Washington Wizards and ruin the entire legacy. "Raiders," "Doom," and "Crusade" are as near perfection as a trilogy can get. The characters develop seamlessly, the stakes increase just the right amount and the writing keeps the tone like Beethoven’s’ piano. It’s like the greatest 3-course meal prepared by a master chef has just been served, but then out of nowhere the chef leaps from the kitchen with a blowtorch and burns down the damn restaurant before you can get to the desert. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls is by no exaggeration one of the worst movies ever made. Some, including myself, regard it as the absolute worst film in history due to the height from which it fell. Maybe we can all take a quote from the #3 franchise and refer to it only as “Thou film whose title we dare not speak.”

#3 – Harry Potter

It’s still 2 films short of completion but the "Harry Potter" series is already the most successful movie franchise of all time where dollars are concerned. Converting such widely known material into 8 feature films is no small feat. Since the source material is so popular, the films are under immense scrutiny to stay true to the novels. Of course there’s no way to shove everything from the 7 books into the films, even with each being over 2 hours and the last book split into 2 films. It’s inevitable that some hard core fans are going to complain about this scene or that scene being left out, but over the long haul the "Potter" films have appeased the large percentage of its fans and recruited brand new ones that have never even cracked open one of the books. Some of the films are more exciting than others, but none are even close to disappointing. The characters are literally growing up before audiences’ eyes as the production company has done an amazing job of keeping the cast together. The writing, acting and special effects are all top notch and even with four different directors, the story telling has remained seamless throughout the saga. The only story left to tell in the franchise is the last book “Deathly Hallows,” which will be split into parts I and II. The ending to a franchise can make or break its legacy, but there’s no reason to think the writers, directors and producers will deviate from the formula that has already brought the franchise worldwide success.

#2 – Star Wars

From the instance you hear or read the title, John Williams’ composition starts to play in your head. Star Wars is easily the most well-known movie franchise of all time. Redefining special effects in Hollywood, the original Star Wars Trilogy was the template from which all other sci-fi movies would be made for 20 years. Considering inflation, 1977’s Star Wars is second only to Gone with the Wind in terms of ticket sales. Episodes IV, V, and VI have been dissected, re-released, discussed and quoted more than any other films in the history of cinema. The three films defined a generation and kept its extremely loyal fans on the edge of their seats for 16 years until Episode I: The Phantom Menace would be released in 1999. Ironically the same year the The Matrix redefined special effects just as Episode IV did 22 years earlier. Although heavily criticized as sub par films, Episodes I, II, and III never really had a fair chance. There was no way to ever top the first three films as they were so groundbreaking, anything Lucas released would be immediately compared to as inferior. Episodes I and II definitely had writing and character development problems, but lost in the all the tomato throwing was the achievement of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Episode III was a very good "Star Wars" film, and in a moment of truth some hardcore fans will even admit they liked it more than Return of the Jedi. Perhaps the most successful element the new trilogy was able to clarify was the chilling and calculated way the character of The Emperor was able to take control of a free and democratic republic and tear it apart from the inside. The material was very timely with real-world situations that concerned people all over the world and showed how fear can be a greater weapon than any gun, bomb, or lightsaber. The least of all things George Lucas is known for is an ability to write great dialogue, however it’s a line spoken by Natalie Portman’s character of Senator Amidala in Episode III that I personally believe is one of the most chilling, poignant, and important lines in any film ever produced . . .

“So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause.”

#1 – Rocky

It hasn’t made the most money, it wasn’t the most critically acclaimed, it’s not even the most well known. And that’s exactly how Rocky Balboa would have liked it. Rocky is timeless. The quintessential underdog story to end, or begin, all underdog stories. Although not known to be a masterpiece, many people forget it was the script written by Sylvester Stallone himself that brought Rocky to life and won the Academy Award for “Best Picture” in 1976. Rocky Balboa is perhaps the most likeable and cared-about character in movie history. The story of an over-the-hill, past-his-prime boxer who gets a million-to-one shot at the greatest title in the world, captivated people from all walks of life. The six sequels, with the exception of part 5, are all solid films. But even with the misstep of Rocky V, the franchise has the highest replay value of any that came before or after. It’s not even a contest, when a Rocky movie is on television you’re watching at least 10 minutes of it, no matter how many times you’ve seen it before. No movie can match the raw inspirational power the Rocky series possess. Those famous steps in Philadelphia have been run on more times than an Olympic track. Everyone starts to think one-handed pushups are easy. And in the most extreme case of over confidence in the history of the world, Caucasians actually believed they could box. Now that’s inspiration. How fitting for Rocky that on this list he would be pitted against legions of pirates, mafia hitmen, bebe guns, magical rings, wizards, bullwhip toting anthropologists, Jedi mind tricks and lightsabers. However, none of those can seem to contend with “the eye of the tiger.”

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Big Fish Recap 9/2/09 - Sweeep

2009-09-02T10:42:00.001-04:00

Every Championship team faces a seminal moment in their season when they either take the turn towards a championship or fold under the pressure. Well, the Cobra Kai came upon that challenge this past Friday night with a crucial double header that could either make or break the season.

The first challenge of the night was avoiding the pinchers of peril being thrown at us by the Goonies Squad. The Kai’s struck first and went right at the Goonies posting 3 runs to start the night and trying to set the pace for the evening. Mad Dog was on his game stifling Goonies hitters all night and the defense behind him was solid. Johnny Blaze was patrolling the infield and making sure the Goonies did not slide anything by them and Capt. Tucci and his crew were doing the same in the Outfield.

The Goonies tried to spark their offense by pulling out the old “Slick Shoes” from their wacky bench coach Data but it backfired as one of their own hitters was their only victim. In the bottom of the 4th they pulled out the slick shoes and tried to take Koko out but it just so happened that it took out their own player as he came tumbling into Koko and first base head first and had to be carried off in a stretcher. This slowed the momentum of the Cobra Kai a bit but we picked it back up off some solid hitting lead by Blaze’s strikes and a relentless attack from everybody. Goonies never say Die….but when they face the Cobra Kai…they cry for mercy. Eventually, the game was called as we had no Mercy on the Goonies beating them down 16-5 in six innings leading Koko to yell…….”Andy…..Your....Such…A Goooonie”!!!!!!

The Captain had to quickly gather the troops and get them to the next field where we had a date with destiny. The Kai were set to square off with our Rivals and league leading Beat Downs to rumble for First Place honors. “I knew this was going to be a do or die type game and that’s why I wore my Wonder Twins pin under my uni tonight because if we were going to go for the sweep we would have to UNITE as a Team to overcome this immense challenge set before us” Koko said after the game.
Well, Once again the Cobra Kai struck first and this time we struck hard batting through the order and posting 5 runs in the first, absolutely stunning the Beat downs and taking the wind right out of their arrogant sails. “I could feel the momentum flowing through us” Sully said after the first inning.

The Beat Downs came right back in the 3rd and tied things up with some clutch hitting and turned this game into an all out war. Mad Dog was trying to stifle their hitters but they kept finding every open piece of field they could spraying hits all over the place. Regs finally figured out their hitting pattern and started to predict where they were going which helped the right side of the field contain them better. With the game tied in the bottom of the fifth Triple R….Regs laid into an inside pitch and drove it deep to left field and had it sail right over Brett Favre’s glove out of Red Bug Lake Park for a HUGE 3 Run HR to spark the Kai’s back into the game. “That was exactly what the Dr. ordered said DonJuan after Regs HR sparked a Huge Kai rally lead by DonJuan battling through pain and increasing his league leading OB % to .979.
The Kai’s new Recruit Miguel also found his rhythm looking eerily like JW with his tomahawk chop that proved to be deadly tonight chopping his way to 3 hits right over the LC fielders head and just destroying their defense.

The teams battled back and forth and faced off in the most intense matchup of the Kai’s season battling to extra innings where we could either fold or keep fighting and prove ourselves once and for all. All seemed to be lost for the Kai in the top of the 14th when the team was battling fatigue and dehydration. The Beat downs seemed in control when they loaded the bases with no outs and were looking for the knockout punch. But then out of nowhere a screaming grounder found its way into Sprague’s glove and he turned a miraculous Double play that gave the Cobra Kai’s the confidence and the game changing momentum we needed dearly. “When that ball came flying at me, I could not believe my eyes what just happened and I knew I had to use my plastic man legs to stretch to save the DP” Koko said after stretching for the ball to complete our best defensive relay of the season.

However, the game was not over yet. The Beat Downs battled back and once again loaded the bases with two outs and down by one. The temperature was rising and the intensity was at an all time high. Would the Kai’s fold? Sully, called a time out and told everyone to simmer down….I just wanted everyone to know we can do this and the beer will be that much better if we pull out this win.”

Then a strike into left field and something unusual happened a sprinkler went off and it seemed to message to us….cool down….you got this. The game does not stop for anyone or any sprinkler and we kept going. The next play Mad Dog jammed the Beat down and they hit a line drive at Miguel who pulled it in to end the game………giving us a much needed 15-14 win jetting us into the playoff push.

“That was an amazing win and it proved a lot about the mental and physical toughness of our guys tonight, and I don’t know what else to say other than….Let’s Slam a beer” Capt Tucci said as he walked away from the post game press conference.

Wow…..it was an exciting night for the Cobra Kai’s. We overcame our demons and look forward to defending the title heading into the playoffs this Friday Night under the Lights. See You Then!

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

2009-08-12T09:30:00.009-04:00

What makes a great “popcorn flick?” It’s not just big action scenes, hi-tech special effects, or campy dialogue. It also does not mean the film is automatically written off as a shallow piece of work without any real depth to it. A truly classic “popcorn flick” is actually something of a rarity. A perfect storm of components must fuse together and, more often than not, simmer for a few years before truly knowing whether a film deserves the label “popcorn flick.” And knowing is half the battle. You see what I did there?

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra should be fast tracked to being labeled one of the classic “popcorn flicks” of this decade. In fact, it’s been quite a while since a pure-bread film of this nature was made with such precise calculation. However, if you are a hard-core G.I. Joe canon fanatic, you should strap two of the largest toy vehicles you own to your feet and roll far, far away from the theater. Director/writer Stephen Sommers (The Mummy) took many liberties with the G.I. Joe legacy from the cartoon and comic books. Usually this would be a grave and unforgivable offense in the highest of geek courts, but not with G.I. Joe. The reason being is that G.I. Joe started off as just a toy. It then later became a promotional comic book and the very popular cartoon series. Now don’t ask what section of the rule book this clause is in because I’m not even sure where to find the rule book itself, but if a property does not start off as a written story then much more leeway is given to future adaptations where canon is concerned. That’s not to say it would be just fine if Sommers decided to make Snake Eyes a yappy teenage girl or give Destro a mohawk, but nuances like a character's age or blood relations can be forgiven if not all together ignored. Even the popular cartoon series, which is the most memorable for nostalgic fans of the genre, did not follow the storylines or characters’ backgrounds from the comic books that preceded it.

This film does a fantastic job of setting the table right from the opening scenes. It lets the viewer know what the rules of this reality are and what’s in the realm of possibilities for the characters. Even more impressive, it sticks to those rules throughout the entire film, something that is overlooked in a lot of today’s science fiction. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is an over-the-top and entertaining film based on a 1980’s cartoon and it never forgets it.

Another accolade for Sommer in this film is he accentuates what made G.I. Joe popular in the first place. It’s all about the vehicles and Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow. The movie is full of uber hi-tech vehicles and weapons that made the toy line so popular back in the 1980’s. Also a good portion of the film focuses on the most popular Joe, Snake Eyes (Ray Park, Star Wars: Episode I, X-Men) and his constant battle with his arch-nemesis Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee, Hero). If there were any part of G.I. Joe's history that could absolutely not be altered in any way, it would be the character of Snake Eyes. And to Sommers credit, he produced the truest version of the character that would even impress that kid on the block that had every single action figure, vehicle and headquarters set up in their basement at all times.

An easy plot, quick explanations, bad dialogue and shallow character development all work as components of this film instead of plaguing it. This again is a credit to how Sommers set the table when the film opens. The actors, although none of them really stand out, all seemed to dive head first into the material and take the characters for what they are. To their credit, none of the performers tried to make their character into something deeper or more complex than they had to be. This all cumulates to what may be the most impressive quality the film has to offer. That being the feeling of the popular cartoon brought to life. Only now it includes some surprisingly graphic violence, which should appease its now much older fan base. In addition, there are a few pop-culture catch phrases inspired by the G.I. Joe franchise that will definitely put a smile on the face of loyal fans.

Most film critics will no doubt crucify this film. It might even deserve some of the more harsh reviews that it inspires. Because as a pure film, the only awards G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra could possibly win would come MTV or Nickelodeon. However, it just might be one of those films a father shares with his son to show him what was cool back in his day. And for this film, perhaps that is the other half of the battle.

Story: 6.5
Acting: 6.0
Writing: 6.5
Captivation: 7.5
Replay Value: 9.0

Total: 7.1

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Big Fish Recap 8/11/2009: The Kai is Back!

2009-08-11T08:50:00.002-04:00

The Swami Was Back in Action.

After stumbling to our first loss in defense of the Championship the Cobra Kai vowed not to let another one slip away Friday Night. The Swami was called in to help get the Team back on our championship pace after it was learned that we would be without Capt. Tucci due to conflicts with his schedule.

I knew the troops needed me and that is What the Swami does, he saves the day. “I have taught these guys all they need to know, and now all they have to do is execute. However, that does not mean the Swami will abandon his troops, I am there when they need me” Swami said after the game. With Capt. Tucci out and the team reeling from the loss of Mikey Lemieux and Doc Gutierrez from last season’s championship run and add to that Mad Dog was scratched from the lineup with an inflammation in his pitching arm, the Kai seemed to be in trouble. But…..No Fear in the Dojo as the “Big Easy” AKA the Swami himself showed up cloaked in Black and ready to save the day once again.

It didn’t really matter whom the opponent was on this fateful Friday night as the Kai were ready for some revenge after falling to the Beat Downs in Mikey Lemieux’s Swan Song tribute game. As is usual fashion the Cobra Kai jumped out to an early lead posting 4 runs in the 1st inning and running straight through the lineup to start the game. “You could really feel the momentum flowing through the team right from the start, I love that feeling….it reminds me of the first time I Scored with the ladies” Said Sully referring to his first score downtown a memorable 2 years ago.

Speaking of Scoring, that is exactly what the Kai’s did from there on out. The Momentum was working in our favor and we just continued to stroke the ball “RoundHouse Reger said. Reger came a mere 8 inches short of belting a Ginormous HR over the Left Field fence for the second game in a row. “It looked fair to me, said an anonymous fan but unfortunately Blue declared it foul. Swami set the pace for the offense going 4-4 with 6 Runs batted in mercilessly attacking the right side again until they finally had to put the Swami shift on and bring reinforcements to the right side to help out. “I just try to stroke it every game, whatever I can to get behind my team” The Swami said in an eerily Richard Gutierrez like statement.

The Batting order was adjusted slightly and Koko felt the juice flowing through him after being moved up in the order to help punch in DonJuan who continues to lead the league with his ever growing .987 On Base %. Meanwhile, Sully also responded with a huge stroke lasered over the Infield knocking in 2 runs and Busting the hopes of the Ball Busters.

The Busters were behind the 8 ball from the beginning and “Oil Can” Spragues making his Cobra Kai pitching debut was not about to let them in the game putting forth a crafty performance holding them to 5 runs on 2 hits. Behind “Oil Can” was a solid defensive effort even with Johnny Blaze playing with a busted up throwing hand. Blaze jammed his right hand in a botched Miyagi Swipe where he appeared to be safely in at third but once again Big Blue felt otherwise and what he says goes. My hand went numb pretty much the next inning but I wasn’t going to walk off that field on my teammates as We wanted that victory too much. Johnny battled through the pain and was even able to turn a double play in the 6th to end the Busters rally.

“I spent a few extra minutes in the Red Sun room before the game channeling our power and it worked, I only wish we had a double header last Friday as I sensed we would have annihilated anyone in our path” Koko said after the game right before a limo picked him up to be whisked off to a prior engagement that prohibited him from joining in the post game festivities at Gators.

Even without the Captain, Koko, and Keith word is the Kai were still able to put down 37 pitchers and proclaim victory at Gators.

The Kai look to continue their streak this Friday Night Under the Lights in a rematch with the Ball Busters and Evalutest getting under way at 7:30.

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Kluge Chronicles - 2/25/09

2009-07-24T13:27:00.004-04:00

Let me holla at you all for a few minutes. This is the first but not the last of my rants. For all of you who know me, you will appreciate and understand where I’m coming from. For those of you who don’t know me, you may think I sound like an ass that wants to hear himself. So What!! And Blaze, No, this is not a Gobots version of your “Blaze is Burning”. The difference is you really are mad at the things you speak about. I simply did not understand the situation or over thought it. I get raging mad, bitch and rant but then I get better in a few minutes and forget about the situation.

This column is very therapeutic for me because it allows me to channel out all the negativity that built up inside be from the past week or month. I thought this blog would help me out but no one acknowledges my comments that I make except for Koko and Keith. I write some funny stuff but I guess it’s not good for the lot of you reading. And who is this Regger guy?? I know I never met you and I’ve asked Keith about you who’s mentioned you are a friend of his brother’s and you play on the team, but I’ve tried to reach out to you a couple of times and you ignore me. Dude, what’s the deal. You and Koko are the only ones on this site that are the smartest and know everything? I’m not asking you out on a date but I feel somewhat like I know you just from writing on this blog. Show a brotha some love.

For the rest of you, do I have to wait a whole week to find out if the Cobra Kai’s won or not? I have a life but I want to know the result. This gives me an 85% chance of guessing the right answer as of now. Can someone please post up the result ASAP? You know you all go home after Gators and get on the PC.

Anyways, life is too short to get all worked up, but I feel damn good to be able to write whatever I want. My therapist tells me I should do it more often. But that’s all for now. Keep it real fellas.

"You look at a guy who's being brave. He's afraid, or he wouldn't be brave. If he isn't afraid, he's stupid."
- Joe Torre
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Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

2009-07-22T12:43:00.002-04:00

The Harry Potter series of films is coming to a close over the next few years. Fans have watched Daniel Radcliffe grow up on screen as the “chosen one” through 6 feature films based on the novels by J.K. Rowling. In the latest movie installment to the series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, audiences are in store for an intensity jolt as Harry is forced to mature faster than even a fictional character can be expected.

Harry is conflicted about going back to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft for another year after the death of his godfather Sirius Black, not to mention all of the expectations that have been thrown upon his shoulders. His decision is made for him when Headmaster Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) tells Harry that he needs him to carry out a very special assignment. Also, Harry decides to take up potions class again since it is no longer being taught by Professor Snape (Alan Rickman), whom he does not get along with. During the first class, Harry realizes that his textbook has many helpful notes written in the margins by its previous owner, The Half-Blood Prince.

As soon as this film begins you can feel the extra weight it carries. The mood is darker, the scenes are more intense and there is an absence of innocence that was very tangible in the previous films. The story also feels grander than before as the evil Death Eaters have begun to tear apart the human world under the command of Lord Voldemort.

The central focus of the story is the evolution of the relationship between Dumbledore and Harry. The student/teacher affiliation matures into more of a friend/colleague alliance, as Dumbledore knows that the fate of the world rests with Harry’s ability to defeat Lord Voldemort. The dialogue is well written and even better executed by Radcliffe and Gambon. There is plenty of levity in this film, however it is reserved for scenes not featuring this duo.

Daniel Radcliffe does a masterful job of portraying the anger Harry has bottled up inside himself due to the death of Sirius Black. Harry does not rant and rave, but he carries the anger in his eyes and lack of patience. In order to show just how heavy the weight is on Harry’s shoulders to save the world from evil, there isn’t much room in the spotlight for his friends. It would have been nice to get more screen time for them as they are all very talented actors and interesting characters, but this film would have to be 4 hours long to do so.

Overall this film sets the stage nicely for the final chapter of the story, which will be split into two films. However it does make an undeniable folly concerning the title character. Throughout the past five films, Harry’s abilities have intensified. But in this film he not only hits a brick wall concerning his mastery as a wizard, he takes a step back. It seems like just about anyone can take Potter down, even foes that he held his own against in the previous film. Perhaps the objective was to show Harry’s lack of focus due to all of the angst he is feeling about the loss of his godfather and the trials that await him. That being said, it was still a gross oversight to not somewhat further his powers. Being weak and uncoordinated was fine in the first four films, but if he really is “the chosen one” the character needs to install some confidence in his abilities and start demanding respect from his enemies. With only one story left to tell, Potter’s magic is more reminiscent of Mickey than it is Merlin.

Story: 8.0
Acting: 7.5
Writing: 7.5
Captivation: 8.5
Replay Value: 7.0

Total = 7.7

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The G.O.A.T. 5 - LP '09 Draft

2009-07-21T10:02:00.001-04:00

Top 5 Most likely events to take place at the 2009 Lombardi's Party Draft.

Koko will yell at someone and call them a fucknut.

Juan will draft 12 players from the U.

Goat will have the best draft, (as usual).

Some schmuck is gonna take a QB in the first round.

Double S asks to see Koko's computer to find out who ESPN says is the next best available even though Koko specifically told everyone that wasn't allowed.

(This will inevitably precede number 1 on this list)

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Blaze Is Burning 7/10/09

2009-07-10T10:26:00.004-04:00

YES, BLAZE IS BURNING!!THIS STATE IS TURNING INTO A PRESSURE COOKER..LOTS OF UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE STUCK IN 90-100 DEGREE TEMPERATURES BATTLING FOR A JOB THAT REALLY IS NOT THERE. STIMULUS MONEY BEING SPENT AND UNREGULATED BY EVERYONE WHO HAS ACCESS TO IT...I THINK MC HAMMER HAS A ROLE IN THE ALLOCATION OF FUNDS...I SWEAR TO EVERY DEITY AND FALSE GOD THAT I WILL RIP OUT THE TURNING LIGHTS AND SIGNALS IN EVERYONE'S CAR WHO FEEL THAT THEY HAVE NO REASON TO USE THEM, THEN, TAKE THOSE RIPPED OUT PARTS AND STICK THEM UP THOSE ANNOYING RICE BURNER MUFFLER ATTACHMENTS......RED BUG LAKE PARK...STOP SENDING THE FIELD CREW HOME AT 3:30 IN THE AFTERNOON...YOU ARE MAKING THE FIELDS UNSAFE AND UNEVENTFUL EVERY OTHER WEEK....WILL MICHAEL JACKSON COVERAGE END THIS CENTURY, PROBABLY NOT...YOU KNOW THE WEATHER CHANNEL WHICH USUALLY PLAYS LIKE CLASSICAL MUSIC OR SOMETHING CALM.. I HEARD THE ACTUAL 'BEAT IT' IN THE BACKGROUND..EVERY CHANNEL GETTING INVOLVED IN SOME TYPE OF COVERAGE.....LOTS OF DEAD SOLDIERS GUYS....LETS TALK MICHAEL THOUGH..DAMN POWER COMPANIES...YOU DO EVERY THING THEY TELL YOU TO LOWER YOUR BILL AND THEY JUST GO AND RAISE YOUR RATES ANYWAY AND CLAIM IT'S FOR SOME NEW EFFICIENT PLANT IN THE FUTURE WHEN THE REALITY OF IT IS IF YOU LOWER YOUR BILL YOUR RATES GO UP FOR LACK OF USE AND THEY PASS ON THEIR LOSSES TO YOU..STUCK LIKE CHUCK..NO LEVERAGE EVER WITH THE UTILITY COMPANIES....I'M NOT A SMART GUY WHEN IT COMES TO THE OIL SITUATION IN THIS WORLD, BUT I LEARNED THAT CIVILIANS ARE CUTTING BACK ON THEIR USAGE, THE OIL IS NOT BEING USED AS MUCH...AND THEY KEEP RAISING THE PRICE TO US WHEN THE COST OF THE BARRELS OF CRUDE OIL IS GOING DOWN.HUH???BETTER BELIEVE THE POWER COMPANIES ARE IN CAHOOTS WITH THE OIL COMPANIES...IN CAHOOTS AGAINST US...GOTTA LOVE THE BANKS IN THIS COUNTRY..RAISING PEOPLES MORTGAGE RATES TO UN-PAYABLE AMOUNTS BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR WHEN NEW RATES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GOING DOWN IN AN ATTEMPT TO FIX THIS HOUSING DEBACLE THEY ALL STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE ( LET'S GIVE PEOPLE HOUSES WE KNOW THEY CANT AFFORD AND WHEN THEY DEFAULT, CONTRIBUTE TO THE STEADILY RISING HOMELESS RATES IN THIS COUNTRY) WHEN THE BIG BANKS MAKE MISTAKES THEY GET BAILOUT MONEY? THE PEOPLE THE BANKS SCREW GET NOTHING BUT DESPAIR AND HELPLESSNESS..PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN BUT NOT PROUD TO WATCH OUR CONSTITUTION BEING TAKEN FROM US, BILL OF RIGHTS SHRINKING AND NO GREAT VOICES TO BE HEARD EVER...WHERE DID ALL OUR GREAT SPEAKERS AND ACTIVISTS GO..TO WATCH THE PARADE OF AMERICA GO MARCHING BY...IF SILENCE IS GOLDEN, WE SHOULD HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO OVERCOME THE LOWEST POINT IN OUR COUNTRY'S HISTORY AND PULL US OUT OF THIS "RECESSION". JUST MAKE SURE THAT MC HAMMER DOES NOT "TOUCH THIS" MONEY!!!
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